第21章01. Mr Rivers's

21 Mr Rivers'sacrifice
　　I had twenty village girls to teach，some of them with such a strong country accent that I could hardly communicate with them．Only three could read，and none could write，so at the end of my first day I felt quite depressed at the thought of the hard work ahead of me．But I reminded myself that I was fortunate to have any sort of job，and that I would certainly get used to teaching these girls，who，although they were very poor，might be as good and as intelligent as children from the greatest families in England．
　　Ever since I ran away from Thornfield，Mr Rochester had remained in my thoughts，and now，as I stood at my cottage door that first evening，looking at the quiet fields，I allowed myself to imagine again the life I could have had with him in his little white house in the south of France．He would have loved me，oh yes，he would have loved me very much for a while．'He did love me，'I thought，'nobody will ever love me like that again．'But then I told myself that I would only have been his mistress，in a foreign country，and for a short time，until he grew tired of me．I should be much happier here as a schoolteacher，free and honest，in the healthy heart of England．But strangely enough，St John Rivers found me crying as he approached the cottage．Frowning at the sight of the tears on my cheeks，he asked me，
　　'Do you regret accepting this job，then？'

21 李维斯先生的代价
　　我给村里的二十个女孩儿上课，有些女孩儿乡下口音很重，我几乎无法和她们交流。只有三人会读书，没有人会写字。所以第一天下来，想到摆在我面前的艰苦工作，我感到非常沮丧。但是我提醒自己能找到任何一份工作对我来说都是幸运的，我一定能习惯教这些孩子，她们尽管很穷，但可能和来自英格兰大家族的孩子一样好，一样聪明。
　　自从离开特恩费得后，罗切斯特先生一直留在我的脑海里。现在，我在这第一个夜晚站在小屋门口，望着静静的田野，任由自己想象着在法国南部的小白屋里我们会过怎样一种生活。他会爱我。噢，是的，他会一时非常爱我。“他的确爱过我。”我想。“再不会有谁像他那样爱我。”但是我又告诫自己，我只能成为他在异国的情妇，时间不会长，直到他厌倦我了。在这里做教师，生活在英格兰健康的腹地，我会更快活、自由和实在。可奇怪的是当圣约翰来到小屋时，他却发现我在哭泣。他看着我脸颊上的泪痕，皱着眉头问：
　　“那么你后悔了？”