非暴力沟通的终极奥义【非暴力沟通 02A】

The first component of NVC entails the separation of observation from evaluation. We need to clearly observe what we are seeing, hearing, or touching that is affecting our sense of well-being, without mixing in any evaluation.

Observations are an important element in NVC, where we wish to clearly and honestly express how we are to another person. When we combine observation with evaluation, we decrease the likelihood that others will hear our intended message. Instead, they are apt to hear criticism and thus resist whatever we are saying.

A colleague of mine, Ruth Bebermeyer, contrasts static and process language in a song that that illustrates the difference between evaluation and observation:

I’ve never seen a lazy man;

I’ve seen a man who never ran

While I watched him, and I’veseen

a man who sometimes slept between

lunch and dinner, and who’d stay

at home upon a rainy day,

but he was not a lazy man.

Before you call me crazy,

think, was he a lazy man or

did he just do things we label “lazy”?

I’ve never seen a stupid kid;

I’ve seen a kid who sometimes did

things I didn’t understand

or things in ways I hadn’t planned;

I’ve seen a kid who hadn’t seen

The same places where I had been,

but he was not a stupid kid.

Before you call him stupid,

think, was he a stupid kid or didhe

just know different things thanyou did?

I’ve looked as hard as I can look

but never ever seen a cook:

I saw a person who combined

ingredients on which we dined,

A person who turned on the heat

and watched the stove that cooked the meat－

I saw those things but not a cook.

Tell me, when you’re looking,

Is is a cook you see or is it someone

Doing things that we call cooking?

What some of us call lazy

some call tired or easy-going,

what some of us call stupid

some just call a different knowing,

so I’ve come to the conclusion,

it will save us all confusion,

if we don’t mix up what we cansee

with what is our opinion.

Because you may, I want to say also:

I know that’s only my opinion.

Ruth Berbermeyer

While the effects of negative labels such as “lazy” and “stupid” may be more obvious, even a positive or an apparently neutral label such as “cook” limits our perception of the totality of another person’s being.

Key words & phrases

1)      component  n. 成分，组分

2)      entail  v. 需要，引起，使成为必要

3)      apt   adj.有什么倾向的，易于…的，恰当的

4)       static   adj. 静止的, 不变的

5)       ingredient   adj. （烹调的） 原料，（构成）要素

6)       dine   v. 吃饭，进餐