原文朗读＋词汇复习【非暴力沟通 03B】

The third component of NVC entails the acknowledgement of the root of our feelings. NVC heightens our awareness that what others say and do may be the stimulus, but never the cause, of our feelings. We see that our feelings result from how we choose to receive what others say and do, as well as from our particular needs and expectations in that moment. With this third component, we are led to accept responsibility for what we do to generate our own feelings.

   When someone gives us a negative message, whether verbally or nonverbally, we have four options as to how to receive it. One option is to take it personally by hearing blame and criticism. For example, someone is angry and says, “You’re the most self-centered person I’ve ever met!” If choosing to take it personally, we might react: “Oh,I should’ve been more sensitive!” We accept the other person’s judgment and blame ourselves. We choose this option at great cost to our self-esteem, for it inclines us toward feelings of guilt, shame, and depression.

    A second option is to fault the speaker. For example, in response to “You’re the most self-centered person I’ve ever met,” we might protest: “You have no right to say that! I am always considering your needs. You’re the one who is really self-centered.” When we receive messages this way, and blame the speaker, we are likely to feel anger.

    When receiving negative messages, our third option would be to shine the light of consciousness on our own feelings and needs. Thus, we might reply, “When I hear you say I am the most self-centered person you’ve ever met, I feel hurt,because I need some recognition of my efforts to be considerate of your preferences.” By focusing attention on our own feelings and needs, we become conscious that our current feelings of hurt derives from a need for our efforts to be recognized.

   Finally, a fourth option on receiving a negative message is to shine the light of consciousness on the other person’s feelings and needs as they are currently expressed. We might for example ask, “Are your feeling hurt because you need more consideration for your preferences?”

Key words & phrases

1)      entail   v. 需要，引起，使成为必要

2)      acknowledgement   n. 承认，确认

3)      heighten   v. （使）变高，（使）加强

4)      stimulus   n. 刺激

5)      accept responsibility   承担责任

6)      verbally  adv. 言词上，口头地

7)      nonverbally  adv. 非语言上的

8)      take it personally   觉得是针对个人的，非常介意地

9)      self-esteem 自尊

10)  incline  v. （使）倾斜，弄斜，（使）偏向

11)  fault    v. 找…的缺点，批评；n. 错误

12)  protest   v. 抗议; 反对

13)  shine the light of…on…   以…的光照亮 …

14)  consciousness   意识，思想

15)  considerate of   体谅，体贴

16)  conscious   有意识的，自觉的

17)  derive from  源自…，取自…