女教师用沟通免遭强暴的案例【非暴力沟通 05A】

UsingEmpathy to Defuse Danger

The ability to offer empathy to people in stressful situations can defuse potential violence.

   A teacher in the inner city of St. Louis related an incident where she had conscientiously stayed after school to help a student, even though teachers were warned, for their own safety, to leave the building after classes were dismissed. A stranger entered her classroom, where the following exchange took place:

   Young man: Take off your clothes.

  Teacher: (noticing that the young man was shaking) I’m sensing this is very scary for you.

   Young man: Did you hear me? God damn it, take off your clothes!

   Teacher: I’m sensing you’re really pissed off right now and you want me to do what you’re telling me.

   Young man: You’re damned right, and you’re going to get hurt if you don’t.

   Teacher: I’d like you to tell me if there’s some other way of meeting your needs that wouldn’t hurt me.

   Young man: I said take them off.

  Teacher: I can hear how much you want this. At the same time, I want you to know how scared and horrible I feel, and how grateful I’d be if you’d leave without hurting me.

   Young man: Give me your purse.

   The teacher handed the stranger her purse, relieved not to be raped. She later described how, each time she empathized with the young man, she could sense him becoming less adamant in his intention to follow through with the rape.

   A metropolitan police officer attending a follow-up training in NVC once greeted me with this account:

   I’m sure glad you had us practicing empathy with angry people that last time. Just a few days after our session, I went to arrest someone in a public housing project. When I brought him out, my car was surrounded by about sixty people screaming things at me like, ‘Let him go! He didn’t do anything! You police area bunch of racist pigs!’ Although I was skeptical that empathy would help, I didn’t have many other options. So I reflected back the feelings that were coming at me; I said things like, ‘So you don’t trust my reasons for arresting this man? You think it has to do with race?’ After several minutes of my continuing to reflect their feelings, the group became less hostile. In the end they opened a path so I could get to my car.

Keywords & phrases

1)      empathy  n. 移情作用，同感

2)      defuse   v. 拆除（爆炸物）的引信;  减少…的危险性; 平息

3)      relate   v. 讲述; 使…联系

4)      incident   n. 事件，敌对行动

5)      conscientiously   adv. 认真地，尽职尽责地

6)      dismiss   v. 解雇, 解散, 把…免职

7)      scary   adj. 可怕的，吓人的

8)      be pissed off   非常生气，发飙了

9)      grateful   adj. 心存感激的

10)   purse   n. 钱包, 女士手提包（wallet 男士钱包）

11)   empathize   v. 有同感，产生共鸣   

12)   adamant   adj. 坚决的，坚定不移的

13)   surround   v. 包围

14)   racist   n. 种族主义者

15)   skeptical   adj. 怀疑性的，好怀疑的

16)   reflect back   体现, 把…反映出来

17)   hostile   adj. 敌对的