chpt 9 WORKING TOGETHER -5

SAYING GOODBYE TO OUR BABY
When we have someone else to help care for our baby, we will need to practice being confident in saying goodbye. Because remember that they are sensitive too, and pick up how to feel from us.


The first step to saying goodbye to our baby is to make sure we are happy with the care we have chosen. We need to be able to give our baby the message that this is a safe person whom we trust with their care.


Also, babies like predictability, so we can say goodbye in the same way every day. Trina from DIY Corporate Mom told us that she would always tell her baby that she would be home by the time the sun went down. Then she would read a book about goldfish. She would say goodbye. And the caregiver and baby would go to feed the fish. Finding such a connecting activity can be a great idea.


We can also practice hugging for as long as our baby needs to when we say goodbye. We can hug our baby until we feel them release their hold. Trusting this will happen is harder. And so is allowing enough time for it. Some days we may need to tell our baby that we understand they might be feeling sad and we need to leave. And we pass them carefully to their grandparent or caregiver. But most days, if we can allow the time, it will get easier. Maybe even record how many minutes they are upset each time we say goodbye so we can see how they are progressing.


So, as hard as it is, this means not sneaking out so that they don’t notice us leaving. We are building trust—the baby should know what is happening, where we are going, and when we’ll be back. And we do our best to be back at the time we tell them.


We may also need to discuss with the caregiver how to deal with the crying after we leave. It is a lot to take if a baby cries uncontrollably when the parent leaves. We can try to help the caregiver find ways to stay calm when the baby’s crying gets too much for them.


Studies show that babies take their emotional cues from the people around them. So if they see we like and trust a caregiver, they will too. It can be ideal for a caregiver to come and spend time looking after the baby in the house when the parent is also there. When our baby sees the caregiver in their home, they will learn that this is someone our family trusts. Similarly, if we are settling them into a day care, we may be able to sit off to the side and allow them to watch us for as long as it takes for them to lose interest and crawl away.