034. I can't stop lying and it's ruined my life

Hi guys. I can't tell you my name because I have an embarrassing psychological condition. It's not something that I can control, and my therapy is still continuing. So I don't want to reveal who I am. Guys, I'm a compulsive liar! Like I said, this is a psychological condition. Doctors also call it pathological lying, which means from a doctor's perspective, I'm sick. I know it sounds horrible but my sickness is lying. What is being a compulsive liar mean? Why is this even a condition? But more importantly, is there treatment for it? For those who don't know, I'll try to answer these questions with examples. I'll also tell you about my biggest lie soon. When that lie came out, my parents found out that I had the condition, and I started getting treatment. Usually people lie when they need to. Everybody lies. 

Let's think about the simplest example. You're a kid. You're playing ball with your little sister. You accidentally break your mom's favorite vase. Your mom comes in from the kitchen when she hears the noise. She's angry and asks, "Who did this?" You get scared of being punished, and you point to your sister. You blame her saying, "She did it. I told her so many times she can't play here, but she doesn't listen." Whether your mom believes you or not is another story. But what matters here is that there is a reason for you to lie in this situation. The people who are pathological liars don't need reasons to lie. We make a big and small lies unnecessarily. Lying is part of our life. When we lie so much we become experts. We begin to create elaborate scenarios. We play a kind of convincing game. First, we say, "Let's see how good a lie I can come up with?" Then we start playing a game, I wonder if I'll be able to convince them. There's a park that I take my dog to. Once my dog started fighting with another dog. The owner was a girl around my age. After the dogs calmed down, and started playing, we sat down and started chatting. As we were talking, I was making up a lie in my head. She asked, "What do you do besides school?" I said, "I'm training for the Olympics!" She said, "Really? Which sport?" And I started telling a story. I've been swimming since I was a little kid. I don't really like it, but my mom pushes me to do sports. 

One day, my swimming coach noticed that I was much faster than the other kids. He asked them to get out of the pool, and told me to swim four laps. He timed me. When I was done, he was really excited. He kept on saying, "You're amazing! You're unbelievable!" We realized that day that I had a god-given talent for swimming. My coach pressured me to compete, but I didn't want to become a professional swimmer. Like I said I don't like sports, and the idea of becoming a professional swimmer doesn't appeal to me at all. The girl was all ears. From time to time, she would say things like, "Yes, there are people like you with hidden talents" or "I think you should go for it." When I saw that she believed me, I kept on embellishing the lie, turning it into a film scenario. She asked, "How did they convince you to go to the Olympics?" Now it was my time to add in some acting. My dad, I said, choking back tears, we lost my dad in a car crash last year, and... I couldn't finish my sentence because I started crying. She took out a tissue and gave it to me. "You don't have to tell me. I'm sorry that I upset you", she said. As I wiped my tears I said, "No, it's not your fault. It actually feels good to share", and continued. My dad was always very excited to come to my swimming practice. He would always say, "I'm proud of you", and hug me afterwards. But I hadn't done anything to make him proud. If I had competed, and won something, he would have been so happy. But I didn't do it. So now I'll go to the Olympics, break the world record, and tell the cameras, it's a gift to my dad! Now my new friend was crying too. I'm especially good at short distance swimming. 

During practice, I break the world records for 50 meters and 100 meters freestyle. I'm going to give my dad not one but two records! I practice eight hours a day. My goal is to do much better than the current records, so that they won't be able to break my record for a long time. Then my success will be worthy of my dad's pride. I know that he watches me from above. I can't wait to make him proud. We hugged and started crying. It was unbelievable. I had made up thousands of lies before, but none had been as effective as this one. That night I felt like a general after a big victory. I admired myself more and more each time I retold the story in my head. Still, even when you have this condition, You know that what you're doing is wrong. So you have to be really careful. For example, I never tell big lies to my friends or family because they could easily figure them out, and it would be hard to convince them. But as I've shown you, you can easily convince someone you've just met, or someone you'll never see again of pretty much anything. I broke my rule of not lying to friends and family once, and that's how my parents learned about my condition. 

Now I'm going to tell you about that lie... One weekend, I was going to a friend's birthday party in a different part of the city. As I was checking the map on my phone, I bumped into a man. He was big with a bald head and a beard. He looked me up and down. I apologized, and continued walking. When I looked back, I saw that he was following me, or at least I thought he was until he turned to another street. I guess he just needed to go in the same direction. As I was approaching my friend's house, I had an idea! What could possibly happen if I lied to my close friends once about a man I'll never see again? It would make this party unforgettable for me and my friends, or so I thought. I started acting out the lie right then. I turned off my phone and threw it into a trash can with my bag. That way, I would get a new phone too. When I arrived at my friend's house, I could barely breathe, and I was crying at the same time. 

As I walked in, everybody just gathered around me forgetting about the party. I started telling my story with no shame! I was walking looking at the map on my phone. Suddenly, a man just appeared in front of me. He told me to give him my phone in my bag. Before I could do anything he grabbed my bag. As I was giving him my phone, he took hold of my wrist, and asked me how old I was? I started crying like crazy. He started dragging me. Just then, someone from inside one of the apartments yelled, "Let her go! I'm calling the police", and he freaked out. So I started running without looking back. I owe that woman my life. But my phone in my bag were stolen. My goal was to get all the attention, and then enjoy the party. But then things took an unexpected turn! I didn't know that my friend's dad was a high-level police man. He came home right away when he heard about what happened. He apologized to me several times. He said that "it was unforgivable that a guest should experience such a thing!" We went to the police station together. They took my statement. Then an artist came in, and made a sketch based on my description. I regret not describing someone else. Like an idiot I described the bald man who I thought followed me.

A week later, my friend's dad came to our house, and took me and my parents back to the police station. They had caught him. They took us into a room. We could see the man through a two-way mirror. "Is this the man who robbed you?", they asked. Yes, it really was the same guy. They said, he got out of prison last year, and has a record of similar crimes. He hasn't done anything since he got out, but these kinds of men never learn. Apparently, he went back to his old ways. The police were sure that they got the right guy. It was obvious that I was just there as a formality. I was shaking with fear. I never thought it would come to this. I didn't know what to do. If I said, "Yes it's him", I was going to be responsible for an innocent man going to prison. I had described him so well that he looked exactly the same as the person in the sketch. They were so alike that I couldn't say, "It's not him". Suddenly I started crying. My mom hugged me. I was blabbering, "I lied, I lied again." Everybody in the room looked at me and in shock. I confessed that I had lied, feeling like I was in a trance. I don't think I'll ever be so ashamed in my life again. When we came back home my parents were so sad. Their only daughter was a liar. But they didn't get angry with me because they knew I didn't have bad intentions. Like I said, they were just really sad. They made me an appointment with a psychiatrist. 

In the first session, I tried telling everything honestly. Then the doctor told me and my parents what kind of therapy I was going to have. Apparently, it was going to be a difficult process that would include both medication and therapy. We don't know how long it will last. Apparently the success of the treatment depends on how eager I am. I really want to be cured of this condition, and I'm going to succeed no matter what. Thanks for listening to me. If you want to tell your story, send it to the email address in the info section Bye!