晨读英语美文 English—a Crazy Language

English—a Crazy Language

[00:10.28]Lets face it—English is a crazy language. 

[00:16.73]There is neither egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; 

[00:21.43]neither apple nor pine in pineapple. 

[00:24.71]English muffins weren't invented in England 

[00:29.21]or French fries in France. 

[00:30.41]Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads,

[00:35.28] which aren't sweet, are meat.

[00:36.97]We take English for granted. 

[00:39.81]But if we explore its paradoxes, 

[00:42.43]we find that quicksand can work slowly, 

[00:45.61]boxing rings are square and a guinea pig 

[00:50.21]is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. 

[00:52.39]If the plural of tooth is teeth, 

[00:55.89]why isn't the plural of booth beeth? 

[00:59.98]One goose, two geese. 

[01:02.61]So one moose, two meese?

[01:05.13]Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, 

[01:11.14]that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? 

[01:15.95]If you have a bunch of odds and ends 

[01:20.13]and get rid of all but one of them, 

[01:21.53]what do you call it?

[01:23.28]Sometimes I think all the English speakers 

[01:27.92]should be committed to an asylum 

[01:29.50]for the verbally insane. 

[01:31.04]In what language do people recite at a play

[01:35.46] and play at a recital? 

[01:36.95]Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? 

[01:41.43]Have noses that run and feet that smell? 

[01:45.70]Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

[01:51.50]How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, 

[01:56.75]while a wise man and wise guy are opposite? 

[02:01.67]How can the weather be hot as hell one day

[02:06.89] and cold as hell another?

[02:08.56]English was invented by people, not computers, 

[02:12.83]and it reflects the creativity of the human race. 

[02:16.54]That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, 

[02:20.81]but when the lights are out, they are invisible. 

[02:24.31]And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, 

[02:28.58]but when I wind up this essay, I end it.