试听180秒话题红绿灯之红灯－这些话题千万不要聊

哥：今天的课超是我当年撩老外最重要的一个环节之一。

仔： For the next three classes, we will talk about TOPICS! What topics are GOOD topics, and what topics are REALLY BAD topics!

哥：和老外聊什么话题好呢？有些话题，一聊一个准；有些话题，需要敬而远之。我们把我们22年的经验汇总成：话题红绿灯！

仔： Topic traffic light! We’ve taken the most common topics and called them green, yellow, or red.

哥：我们把所有最常见的话题分成绿灯话题、黄灯话题、和红灯话题。相信大家已经猜到了：绿灯话题尽管去聊，黄灯话题马马虎虎，红灯话题敬而远之。

仔：Today, we will talk about the RED LIGHT TOPICS. What are they, and how not to 得罪 the 老外。

哥：我们也将和大家分享：交流时如果不小心谈起红灯话题，我们该如何化解呢？

仔： We will listen to some conversations that have red light topics. Then we’ll talk about those red lights.

哥： Great. Let’s do it!

CONVERSATION #1: SALARY

哥：How long have you been working in China?

仔： Only two years.

哥：Do you make a lot of money?

仔： I, uh, well...

哥： I see. So you shouldn’t ask how much money people make. 和老外谈钱很伤感情哦

仔： Yeah. I think many Chinese people are curious about foreigners working in China. They think foreigners have high salaries.

哥：这个现象特别普遍：很多人对老外在中国的工作很好奇，而且往往有这样的误解：老外赚得钱很多。

仔： But in the west, we almost never talk about our salaries, even with our friends.

哥：在西方国家，谈论工资是比较忌讳的，即使和朋友也不讨论。

仔： Most people feel like, if I make less money than you, I will be embarrassed.

哥：But what if you make MORE money?

仔： Then I will be afraid that YOU will be embarrassed. It’s just embarrassing for everyone!

哥：不讨论工资原来逻辑这么有趣：对方赚多了，让我很不好意思；我赚多了，这会让对方很尴尬！看来美国人对于赚更多的钱，也是很有压力的。

仔： Yeah, Americans have that pressure. So just don’t talk about it!

哥： Good advice. So if you don’t talk about money, what could you talk about?

仔： You could ask, “Do you enjoy your job?”

哥：工资不可以谈，但可以问他“Do you enjoy your job? 你喜欢你的工作吗？”

仔： “What do you like about your job?”

哥：也可以问他，“What do you like about your job?” 你喜欢你工作的哪些方面呢？

仔： “How do you feel about working in China?”

哥：还可以问他，“How do you feel about working in China?” 在中国工作感觉如何？

    而且大家有么有发现刚才的问题都是问对方的感受。

仔： That’s right! Feelings and ideas are good topics for conversations. Money is not a good topic.

哥：Got it. OK, let’s do another one.

仔： Here’s the conversation: 

CONVERSATION #2: RELATIONSHIPS

哥：Did you come to China by yourself?
仔： Yes, I did.

哥：Are you married?

仔： I, uh, don’t have a wife...

哥： So what’s the “red light” here?

仔： Relationships! Don’t just ask about boyfriends, girlfriends, wives, husbands, blah blah blah.... just don’t do it.

哥：People really just ask about your wife like that?

仔： Oh, yeah. All the time. Students, old people, taxi drivers, strangers on the street... everyone loves to ask that.

哥：What’s wrong with that question?

仔： Relationships too personal. Why do YOU care if I have a wife?

哥：It seems like this question really gets on your nerves. 看来问你是否结婚或者有女朋友让你很烦

仔： Yeah, because it reminds me that I’m single...

哥： OK. Then we won’t talk about it anymore.

仔： Thanks!

哥： So, is there another question you could ask instead of this?

仔： Not really. You really should not ask many questions about family or relationships with someone you just met.

哥：What about after you make friends with them?

仔： Actually even if you are already friends, it’s usually not polite to ask, “Are you single?”

哥： What? When how will you ever know?

仔： If the other person wants you to know about their boyfriend or girlfriend, they will tell you!

哥：记住这点：如果对方想谈论自己的婚姻或者爱情，他会主动告诉你的。

OK then, moving on!

仔： Next conversation.

CONVERSATION #3: RELIGION

【地铁背景声音】

哥：Are you a Christian?

仔： Uh, no.

哥： Really? I thought most Americans were Christians.

仔： Well...

哥：这次的红灯很明显是religion,宗教信仰, right?

仔： Yeah. Religion can be avery interesting topic, but NOT in the first conversation.

哥： Why is that?

仔： Religion is a dangerous topic because it’s very personal, and in many countries, religion can be a big problem, so people often feel uncomfortable talking about it.

哥：  宗教信仰是需要特别谨慎的一个话题。在很多国家，宗教问题很复杂，很多人谈起这个话题会很不舒服。But I think that lots of people love talking about their religion.

仔： Yeah, some people love it. But the first time you talk with someone, you do not know if they WANT to talk about it or not.

哥：是的，也有不少的人很喜欢谈论宗教信仰。关键是：初次见面，你不知道对方是否想谈论这个话题。So, can you ever talk about religion?

仔： In the first conversation, if they want to talk about religion, they WILL talk about it.

哥：所以第一次交流时，如果对方想谈论的话，他会提前的。

仔： And it will be one of their hot spots. So, you don’t have to do anything. Just use your reply weapons from “go deep.”

哥：只要宗教信仰是对方的hot spot, 用好深入交流的三大利器就O了。What about after you’ve become friends?

仔： Religion can be a difficult topic, even for friends. So if you ask about religion, do it in a polite way.

哥：即使朋友之间，谈论宗教信仰也要特别注意。How would you do that?

仔： You could say, “We’ve never talked about it before, but do you have a religion?”

哥：这句话特别好用，“We’ve never talked about it before, but do you have a religion?”

     我们原先从来没有谈论过这个话题，你有自己的宗教信仰吗？

仔： Or, “I know this might be a personal question, but do you have a faith?”

哥：或者“I know this might be a personal question, but do you have a faith?” “我知道这是一个很私人的问题，但是我还是想问一下，你有自己的宗教信仰吗？”

仔： Yep.

哥： Got it. OK, next conversation!

CONVERSATION #4: RACE

哥： Could I ask, where are you from?

仔： France

哥： Really? But you’re black! I didn’t think France had any black people.

仔： Uh...

仔： Aaaaaaaah!

哥： What?

仔： That conversation is a real conversation. And it was so uncomfortable!

哥： But you’re not black, and you’re not French...

仔： No, but I had a French friend who was black. When she told people she was from France, almost everyonesaid, “啊？法国有黑人吗？“

哥： It’s probably surprising for a lot of people.

仔： Yeah, but you should never talk about race with a stranger.

哥：为什么不能和陌生人谈论种族这个话题呢？

仔： When you talk about someone’s race, you make the other person feel like, “I don’t care about your ideas, I don’t care about your feelings, I only care about your skin.”

哥：如果你谈论种族不恰当的话，就会让对方感觉你在以貌取人。

仔： Right, but it makes other people FEEL like you only care about their race. And that can make them feel like a monkey in a zoo.

哥：Whoa, that’s kind of a strong word. I’m sure you don’t feel like an monkey in a zoo?

仔： Those aren’t my words. A lot of foreigners talk about it that way, feeling like “a monkey in a zoo.”

哥：如果你以貌取人，很多国外朋友感觉自己就像动物园里的一只猴子。So, I guess race really is a very sensitive topic. Can you ever talk about it at all?

仔：Usually, you should only talk about race if the OTHER person brings it up. Or, you can talk about your OWN race first. Then, the other person might start talking about their race. But the important thing to remember is, never ask about it!

哥：所以关于种族这个话题，要么对方提起，要么你拿自己的种族肤色说事，但关键的是：不要主动去谈论别人的种族肤色。OK, we’ve talked about four “red light” topics. But there are lots more...

仔： 没错。我们的书《与老外交朋友》里面讲了好像大概10个红灯话题吧，你想了解更多的话可以去看一下。But for now, we have to move on.

哥： Yep. Next, we will talk about what to do if you accidentally talk about a red light topic.

如何解决已经发生的 “红灯话题” 情况

仔： No matter how hard you try, no matter how careful you are, you will always make a mistake.

哥： That’s right.  跨文化交流的过程中犯错误是不可避免的。

     如果真的出现这种情况，也不用担心，你肯定用三步搞定它。

仔： Yep. Just follow three steps:

         First, say sorry.

         Second, explain that it’s a cultural difference.

         Third, change the subject.

哥：第一步：道歉；第二步：从文化差异角度去解释；第三步：转换话题

我们举几个例子看看

仔： OK. But I’ll need you to help me.

哥： What? How can I help you?

仔： I’ll ask you a “red light” question. You react to me. Then, I’ll follow the three steps.

哥： No problem!

仔： How much do you make?

哥： Uh, excuse me?

仔： Ah, my bad! Salary is a normal topic in Chinese culture. So, do you like your job?

哥：我们看看三步如何搞定这个文化冲突. 第一步：道歉

仔： My bad! This is a kind of “cool” way to say “sorry.”

哥：第二步：从文化差异角度去解释；

仔： Salary is a normal topic in Chinese culture.

哥：第三步：换话题，让交流进行下去

仔： So, do you like your job?

哥：这样的话，你可以和对方去交流他的工作，而不用去聊他的工资。

仔： In this example, you can see that the other person isn’t really ANGRY, but he is kind of uncomfortable.

哥： That’s right. 一旦发现对方对一些问题很不情愿的去谈论的时候，赶快换话题。

跨文化交流肯定会遇到一些挑战，记住：没有失败，只有学习。

仔： Let’s look at another example.

仔： Did you come to China by yourself?

哥： Yes, I did.

仔： Do you have a Chinese wife?

哥： Uh, no.

仔： Ah, right, sorry. I forgot that relationships are not a good topic. Do you find a lot of cultural differences when talking with Chinese people?

哥：我们再看看三步如何搞定这个文化冲突. 第一步：道歉

仔： Ah, right, sorry.

哥：第二步: 从文化差异角度去解释

仔： I forgot that relationships are not a good topic.

哥：这其实在告诉对方，你也不想这么不礼貌，这样对方也不会生气或者感觉不舒服。

第三步：转换话题，让交流进行下去

仔： Do you find a lot of cultural differences when talking with Chinese people?

哥：这个问题绝对是一石二鸟。即把话题成功转换，还把这个文化差异变成一个新的话题。

仔： Yeah, so this will be useful in all kinds of situations.

哥： OK, one more example.

仔： Where are you from?

哥：I’m from England.

仔： Oh, are you a Christian?

哥：Not really...

仔： Ah. Sorry about that. It’s not a good question, is it? So, which part of England are you from?

哥：第一步：道歉

仔： Ah. Sorry about that.

哥：第二步：从文化差异角度去解释

仔：It’s not a good question, is it?

哥： Wait, this sentence doesn’t explain the cultural difference, though.

仔： No, but if you say, “Ah, that wasn’t a good question,” you show the other person that you KNOW it’s not a good question, and that will make them feel better.

哥： I see. Now, 第三步：转换话题

仔： What part of England are you from?

哥：This continues the conversation from “Where are you from?”

仔： Yeah. It can also let you ask better questions later.

哥： Like what?

仔： Well, if they say “I’m from London,” you can ask about London. If they say a place you have never heard of before, you can ask, “What’s it like there?”

哥： I see. So it’s a good way to open up new topics.

仔： Exactly! Remember: cultural differences can be scary, but when you make a mistake, you can always fix it!

哥： 各位朋友记住这一点：文化差异听起来有点恐怖，但是当你不小心触碰的时候，记得用文化冲突三部曲来处理哦 

哥： Today we started talking about the Topic Traffic light. We started with the red lights.

仔： Red lights! Money, relationships, religion, and race are four of the biggest red lights.There are more of them in our book, 与老外交朋友。

哥：We also talked about what to do if you accidentally use a red light topic.

仔： First, say sorry.

Second, explain that it’s a cultural difference.

Third, change the subject.

哥：第一步：道歉；第二步：从文化差异角度去解释；第三步：转换话题

仔： Next time, we will practice the useful sentences from this class in the 操练版。

哥： We will also add some more useful sentences!

仔： I can’t wait! So, see you next time!

哥： See you next time!

有个老外 ，常年被撩，你的套路他都知道

有个老中，经常撩老外，他的套路你没想到

他们用亲身经历告诉你：能交流，才算会英语！

课程大纲：

1.   想上去交流，却不知道说什么好
2.   让老外眼前一亮的破冰法则--NCA
3.   破解“尬聊”，先找“hot spot”
4.   优雅结束对话的黄金四步
5.   撩老外的三大误区 + 生活方式理论 
6.   话题红绿灯之红灯－这些话题千万不要聊

7 .  话题红绿灯之绿灯－这些话题很安全1
8.   话题红绿灯之绿灯－这些话题很安全2
9.   话题红绿灯之黄灯－这些话题老外一天可能会被问100次
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