So,we`ve been studying happiness for the past 2 or 3 years at our lab. I think the most important thing that I have learned so far is this idea of learned helplessness.
So, there`s this horrible study. It was done by Martin Seligman. This study took dogs and it put the dogs into a cage with a mat that just very lightly shocked them. And so the dogs would get on the mat and it would kind of chock them. Very unpleasant experience.
They put them in these cage with these shocking mats and they changed the cage. So, that there was a space next to the mat, the dog could move off the mat.
Problem is the dogs would be on the shocking mat for a long time just gave up. They never went off the mat. In fact, they just sat and took the shocks, even though they could move off the mat. Whereas the dogs that didn`t ever see the mat before immediately jumped off the mat and went to the place that didn`t get the shock.
The idea of this is that we end up learning about our helplessness. So when it comes to happiness, we might have learned a pattern in college, or in childhood, or in our 20s, or when we were broke, when we were out of a job, or whatever that was.
Even though the mat`s not there anymore, even though the shocks aren`t there anymore, we stay in the same position because that`s how we`ve always learned to be.
And so when it comes to happiness, I think we can unlearn our helplessness to learn to help ourselves.
I will give you one just to start off with right now. And it`s this. I call it the chart of happiness. So we end up thinking that happiness comes with the big vacation once a year, or the big blowout things once every month. We don`t realize that actually happiness comes in these very very small moments every day.
And actually that is those of the happiness moments we have to savor. So I`d highly recommend for the next few days, sit down, and make a chart of everything that you do in your life, down to making a steaming hot cup of coffee, down to going for a run, down to doing laundry.
And then, I want you to rank each of those things on how happy they make you. And I don`t mean like happiness like euphoric.
I mean like happiness like content with your life. Like I am content doing this. So I want you to rate all of those skills, and then I want you to count up the number of hours you spend on each of those skills every day.
What you`ll end up finding is you end up doing what I call happy math. Happy math is basically looking at the fact that we end up spending the majority of our week 90% of our week, doing tasks that rank as a 1 or 2 or 3. not very happy on the happy scale. And we end up having these really small, once a week moments, where we`re actually happy.
But really, they`re these small little moments. It`s having that amazing cup of coffee, or taking in your view from your window, or whatever these little small things.
Those minutes add up, and I think it`s about slowly hacking how can you add in more and more of those minutes. Here`s another kind of tip on the happiness stuff that I just realized would be a really easy one to try.
I talked about these little moments of happiness. There`s also these little moments of unhappiness that as humans, we cannot help but infect our entire life. You know how when you`re sitting at a red light, and you literally question your entire existence.
Is that anyone? Dose that ever happened anyone? Sure. So, you`re sitting in a red light and you`re like, why do I sit in traffic? Why do I drive to work? Why do I do what I work? Why am I doing this? Maybe I should quit my job, Maybe I should move to Hawaii, Maybe I shouldn`t have a car.
That`s what happens, you know. So one of the hacks that I have found works really well is taking those small moments and turning them into what I call gratitude totems. So, I have a red light by my house that I get stopped at every single day. It doesn`t even matter what time of day, and I used to yell at this red light. I would curse at it.
And then I realized, wait a minute, I have such a hard time being grateful. Every Oprah magazine ever says, be more grateful. Who has time to be grateful, right? Like no one has time to do that.
But now I have time. So whenever I am stopped at that red light, for the entire red light I think about every single think I`m grateful for. And now , I get upset if I do not hit it. Because I know that every time pull up to that red light, I have a minute and half just think about all the things I`m great for. Check, I got my gratitude off. I feel nice and good.
I flipped a very unhappy moment for me that makes me question driving, cars, and my life, and turned into something that actually makes me very appreciative. That is brilliant.
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