第一章 初见 First Sight 5

I didn't sleep well that night, even after I was done crying.那天晚上我睡得不好，即便在我大哭一场以后也没睡好。

The constant whooshing of the rain and wind across the roof wouldn't fade into the background.连绵的风雨声穿透屋顶，丝毫没有减弱为背景音乐的迹象。

I pulled the faded old quilt over my head, and later added the pillow, too.我扯过褪色的旧棉被蒙住头，最后连枕头也压上了。

But I couldn't fall asleep until after midnight, when the rain finally settled into a quieter drizzle.但我直到午夜才能入睡，那时侯降雨终于变为比较安静的毛毛细雨。

Thick fog was all I could see out my window in the morning, and I could feel the claustrophobia creeping up on me.清晨，当我向窗外望去时，我只能看到浓重的雾霾，我可以感到幽闭恐惧症正在向我袭来。

You could never see the sky here.你不会有机会看到这里的天空。

It was like a cage.这像个笼子。

Breakfast with Charlie was a quiet event.和查理共进早餐是件安静的事。

He wished me good luck at school.他祝我在学校过得愉快。

I thanked him, knowing his hope was wasted.我感谢他，但知道他的希望只是白费。

Good luck tended to avoid me.好运总是躲着我。

Charlie left first, off to the police station that was his wife and family.查理先走了，去了警署，那里更像是他的家。

After he left, I sat at the old square oak table in one of the three unmatching chairs and examined his small kitchen, with its dark paneled walls, bright yellow cabinets, and white linoleum floor.在他离开后，我坐进靠着那张老旧的橡木方桌放着的三张不配对的椅子的其中一张，审视着他小小的厨房，灰暗的墙壁嵌板，明黄色的壁橱，白色的油毯地面。

Nothing was changed.什么都没变。

My mother had painted the cabinets eighteen years ago in an attempt to bring some sunshine into the house.壁橱是我母亲十八年前粉刷的，她想给这座房子引些阳光进来。

Over the small fireplace in the adjoining handkerchief-sized family room was a row of pictures.小小的壁炉上方，紧挨着只有手帕大小的家庭活动室，是一组照片。

First a wedding picture of Charlie and my mom in Las Vegas, then one of the three of us in the hospital after I was born, taken by a helpful nurse, followed by the procession of my school pictures up to last year's.第一张是查理和我母亲在拉斯维加斯拍的结婚照，然后是我们三个在医院的合照，是一位好心的护士帮忙拍的，紧接着的是一系列之后我在学校里的照片。

Those were embarrassing to look at — I would have to see what I could do to get Charlie to put them somewhere else, at least while I was living here.看到这些实在让人尴尬——我希望我能说服查理把这些照片放到别处去，至少在我住在这里的时候。

It was impossible, being in this house, not to realize that Charlie had never gotten over my mom.呆在这所房子里，很难让人不意识到查理根本从未真正忘掉我母亲。

It made me uncomfortable.这让我感到不自在。

I didn't want to be too early to school, but I couldn't stay in the house anymore.我不想太早去学校，但我在这房子里再也呆不下去了。

I donned my jacket — which had the feel of a biohazard suit — and headed out into the rain.我穿上我的夹克——感觉更像是生化防护服——一头冲进雨中。

It was just drizzling still, not enough to soak me through immediately as I reached for the house key that was always hidden under the eaves by the door, and locked up.天仍然下着蒙蒙细雨，但不足以在我拿藏在门檐下的钥匙并锁门时把我淋透。

The sloshing of my new waterproof boots was unnerving.我新买的防水靴溅起泥水的声音让人烦躁。

I missed the normal crunch of gravel as I walked.当我走动时我怀念着踏在碎石上的应该有的吱嘎声。

I couldn't pause and admire my truck again as I wanted.我无法像我期望的那样停下来确认我的卡车。

I was in a hurry to get out of the misty wet that swirled around my head and clung to my hair under my hood.我急于离开这种雾蒙蒙的潮湿，它让我的头一阵阵眩晕，让我的头发紧贴着我的兜帽。

Inside the truck, it was nice and dry.卡车里舒适而干燥。

Either Billy or Charlie had obviously cleaned it up, but the tan upholstered seats still smelled faintly of tobacco, gasoline, and peppermint.不是比利就是查理把这里清理得干干净净。但皮制软垫座椅上依然散发着淡淡的烟草，汽油和薄荷的味道。

The engine started quickly, to my relief, but loudly, roaring to life and then idling at top volume.引擎发动得很快，这让我感到宽慰，但噪声很大，响得要命，在空转时到达最高声量。

Well, a truck this old was bound to have a flaw.好吧，这把年纪的卡车不可避免地会有一点瑕疵。

The antique radio worked, a plus that I hadn't expected.那台老古董收音机居然还能用，这可是个意外收获。