Hard to change

Doing this does require constant vigilance about what is right and wrong. For every action a family member takes, imagine that it will happen all the time.Is that okay? Even something as simple as a fight between your two children that you didn't see. When one comes running to you in tears, how do you respond? Do you automatically punish the other child? Do you tell the crying child to shake it off? Do you call both of them together and punish both of them? Do you say you won't get involved? If whatever solution you choose seems to work,then each time that your kids run up against that same problem,they'll know what will happen.They will begin to learn the consequences of fighting with each other.If you are consistent,then even when they are playing at a friend's house,that's the behavior they will carry with them.
And if you don't? By the time many parents find themselves entering middle age with teenage children,they realize that they've allowed one of their most important jobs to slip past them.Left unchecked long enough,“once or twice” quickly becomes the culture. As these sets of behavior embed themselves in a family culture, they become very hard to change.
确实需要对对还是错保持持续的警惕。对于家庭成员采取的每一个行动，会一直发生的，不是吗？甚至很简单的事情，比如你不在，你两个孩子打架。当一个人流着泪向你跑来，你如何处理？你会不自觉就惩罚另一个孩子吗？告诉哭闹的孩子别再哭了？还是把他们两个叫到一起，惩罚他们两个呢？你能说你不参与吗？如果你选择的解决方法有效，那么你的孩子再遇到同样的问题时，他们会知道会发生什么。他们知道彼此打架的后果。如果你方法始终如一，那么即使他们在朋友家玩，他们也会有同样的行为。
如果你没有解决方法呢？当许多父母发现自己步入中年，孩子就十几岁，他们意识到自己没有做最重要的事情。长时间的放任不管孩子，放“一次或两次”就会成为一种文化。这些行为方式在家庭文化中根深蒂固，就很难再改变。