Chapter 23 A voice from the past (3)

One day，while he and I were walking on the moors，he announced，‘Jane，I’ll be leaving in six weeks.’

‘You’re doing God’s work.He’ll protect you，’I replied.

‘Yes，it seems strange to me that all my friends don’t want to join me.God offers a place in heaven to all who serve Him.What does your heart say to that，Jane?’

‘My heart is silent—my heart is silent，’I murmured.

‘Then I must speak for it，’said the deep，stern voice.’Jane，come with me to India as a missionary!’

Was it a call from God?I felt as if I was under a terrible spell，and I trembled，afraid that I might not be able to escape.

‘Oh St John，don’t choose me!’I begged.But it was useless appealing to a man who always did what he believed to be his duty，however unpleasant it was.

‘God intended you to be a missionary’s wife，’he continued.’Trust in Him，Jane.Marry me，for the service of God.’

‘I can’t do it，St John，I’m not strong enough!’I cried.The iron bars of a cage seemed to be closing in around me.

‘I’ve seen how hard you can work，Jane.You will be a great help to me with Indian women，and in Indian schools.’

I thought，’ Yes，I could do that.But I know that he doesn’t love me， and despite that， he asks me to marry him!’So I said，

‘I’m ready to go with you to India，but as a sister， not as a wife.’

He shook his head.’You must see that’s impossible. No， a sister could marry at any time， and leave me.I need a wife，who will obey me in life， and who will stay with me until death.’

I trembled as I felt his power over me already.‘I’ll give my heart to Good，’I said.‘You don’t want it.’As I looked at his stern face， I knew I could go anywhere in the world with him as a colleague， but I could never lose my freedom by marrying him.

‘I’ll ask you again in a few days’time， he said，‘and remember， it isn’t me you’re refusing， but God!’