【英文版 11】- The Path of Gratitude

The tenth and final path in this course is the Path of Gratitude. To illustrate the importance of gratitude to your life today, I would like to take you back to 1932. It was then that a group of researchers interviewed 178 young nuns, most of them in their early twenties, who have just completed their theological training. Following the interview, the nuns were asked to write a short biographical sketch of their lives until that point, and their future goals.

大家好，欢迎来到第十一课。今天我们要讲的是“感恩之路”。这是我们要学习的第十条达成幸福的路径，也是最后一条路径。为了让大家感受到感恩在当今生活中的重要性，我要先将大家带回到1932年。1932年，有一个研究团队做过这样一个实验，他们采访了178名年轻修女，这些修女大多二十出头，刚刚完成了神学训练。在采访结束后，研究人员要求每人写一篇简短的自传，简单说说她们这二十年来的生活，以及她们未来的目标。

Analyzing the data many years later, psychologists looked for factors that could predict longevity. For example, did place of residence predict how long they would live? Rural versus urban, polluted versus clean? No,where they lived didn’t seem to make a difference to how long they lived. How about levels of religiosity? While they were all devoted Christians, there were some who were more so than others. No, this didn’t predict longevity. How about intelligence? Nothing.

但是这项研究并没有结束，又过了许多年后，心理学家分析了这些研究数据，希望能找到预测寿命的因素。例如，居住地是否会影响修女的寿命？她们究竟是居住在农村还是城市，或者她们所处的环境是否受到污染，这些会影响到他们寿命的长短吗？研究结果显示，这些对修女们的寿命没有什么影响。那么对宗教的虔诚程度对寿命有影响吗？虽然她们都是虔诚的基督徒，但每个人的虔诚程度肯定不一样。答案也是否定的，虔诚程度也并不能影响她们的寿命。那智力因素呢？调查结果表明，智力同样不会影响寿命。

The only factor that researchers identified as predicting longevity was, in their words, “positive feelings.” The levels of “positive feeling” that the nuns expressed in their biographical sketch turned out to be an excellent predictor of how long they lived. The way that the researchers ran the study was as follows. They asked independent raters—meaning people who did not know the nuns, their health condition, or whether or not they were still alive—to assign each of the biographical sketches that the nuns had written when they were young into one of four groups—from least to most cheerful.

研究人员认为，能够影响寿命长短的唯一因素是“积极情绪”水平。修女在自传中所表达出的“积极情绪”水平，是一个很好的预测寿命的指标。那么，研究人员是如何开展这项研究的呢？首先，他们让一些评分员把修女们年轻时写的自传按照内容的乐观程度进行分组，将修女从最悲观到最乐观分成四组。在分组时，这些评分员不认识这些修女、不了解她们的健康状况，也不知道她们是否还活着。

Here is an example of a biographical sketch that was assigned to the most cheerful group. The young nun, Cecilia O’Payne, wrote in 1932: “God started my life off well by bestowing upon me grace of inestimable value...The past year which I spent as a candidate studying at Notre Dame has been a very happy one. Now I look forward with eager joy to receiving the Holy Habit of Our Lady and to a life of union with Love Divine.”

下面是最乐观一组的其中一篇自传，来自年轻的修女塞西莉亚·奥佩恩（Cecilia O Payne），在1932年，她在自传中写道：

“上帝赐予我无限恩典，使我的人生有个美好的开端……过去一年，我在巴黎圣母院担任实习修女，在那里我度过了非常快乐的一年。现在，我怀着无比喜悦的心情期待着受到圣母的感召，我也期待着自己与神圣之爱结合的一生。”

Here’s the biographical sketch of Marguerite Donnelly, whom the independent raters assigned to the least cheerful group: “I was born on September 26, 1909, the eldest of seven children, five girls and two boys...My candidate year was spent in the mother-house, teaching chemistry and second year Latin at Notre Dame Institute. With God’s grace, I intend to do my best for our Order, for the spread of religion and for my personal sanctification.”

以下是玛格丽特·唐纳利（Marguerite Donnelly）的自传。评分员将她分到了最悲观的一组。她的自传中写道：

“我出生于1909年9月26日，是七个孩子中的老大。我有四个妹妹和两个弟弟……我在“仁爱之家”担任实习修女，在巴黎圣母院教授化学和二年级拉丁文。承蒙上帝恩惠，我愿为我们的教团、为传播宗教、为我的个人成圣而尽我所能。”

And so for each of the nuns, assigned to one of the four groups, from least to most cheerful. Now,these are the findings. At the age of 85, 90% of the nuns whose biographical sketches were assigned to the most cheerful quartile were alive. In contrast,only 34% of the least cheerful nuns lived to be 85 or older. At the age of 94,54% of the most cheerful nuns were alive. Only 11% of the least cheerful ones lived to be 94 or older.

评分员根据她们的乐观程度，把所有修女分成四组。经过我们的验证，得出了以下结果，那些自传被分配到最乐观组的修女中，有90%的人活到了85岁，这些修女占受调查修女总人数的四分之一。相比之下，最悲观组的修女中，活到了85岁及以上的人只占34%。而到94岁时，最乐观组中，还有54%的修女还活着，但在最悲观组中，只有11%的人活到了94岁及以上。

These are enormous differences, and, once again, the only factor associated with longevity was how cheerful the nuns were as young women. When I saw this research, and a lot of other research showing the benefits of positivity, I became concerned. You see,I have never been particularly cheerful. I tend to be more on the serious and brooding side of the continuum rather than on the playful and light-hearted side. But when I reflected on the research, and thought about it some more, I realized that the issue is not about whether or not I’m cheerful or joyful or happy, but rather about how I can become more cheerful, more joyful, and happier. I don’t need to become a Celia O’Payne to benefit from pleasurable emotions, and a small change can make a big difference. A small increase in pleasurable emotions does not merely prolong life, it significantly improves our relationships while increasing creativity and productivity. Pleasure positively impacts our health, our happiness, and our success. Given these remarkable benefits of pleasurable emotions, the question is, to paraphrase the line from When Harry Met Sally, how can I have more of what Celia O’Payne is having?

不难看出，各组之间的差异非常明显。这再次证明了，影响修女长寿与否的唯一因素，就是她们年轻时的乐观程度。这项研究以及其他的很多研究，都证明了积极思考的益处，但我不免开始有些担心自己。因为，我从来也不是一个特别积极乐观的人。我这个人过于严肃，顾虑太多，不够轻松活泼。当我认真审视这项研究、深入思考这个问题时，我慢慢意识到，问题并不在于我是否乐观、高兴或幸福，而在于我如何才能变得更乐观、更高兴，更幸福。我不需要像西莉亚·奥佩恩（Cecilia O Payne）那样做才从愉悦中获益，其实一个小小的改变就能带来很大的不同。只要我们尝试再快乐一点，那么我们不仅能延年益寿，还能显著改善我们的人际关系，同时还可以提高社会创造力和生产率。学会快乐对健康、幸福和成功都有积极影响。愉悦情绪的益处很多，但问题是，套用《当哈利遇到莎莉》中的一句话，“我怎么才能变得比西莉亚·奥佩恩还要更快乐一些呢？”

While of course there are multiple ways to experience pleasure, the one I’d like to focus on is gratitude. Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough studied the effects of gratitude. They asked participants in their study to take a couple of minute seach night to write down at least five things that they were grateful for. These could be large or small things, from God to a TV show, from family to a nice meal that they had. This brief exercise turned out to have far-reaching consequences. Beyond being more grateful about life as a whole, those whore gularly expressed gratitude were happier, more optimistic, more likely to achieve their goals—hence more successful—more generous towards others, in other words kinder, and physically healthier—their immune system was stronger.

体验快乐的方式当然有很多，但我想重点介绍的是感恩。罗伯特·埃蒙斯（Robert Emmons）和迈克尔·麦卡洛（Michael McCullough）研究过感恩的影响。他们在研究中要求参与者每晚花几分钟时间，写下至少五件让他们感恩的事情。可以是上帝和家人这样的大事，也可以是电视节目和吃到美食这样的小事。这个练习虽然简单，影响却很深远。那些经常表达感恩的人，除了感恩生命中的一切，他们也更快乐、更乐观，并且更有可能实现他们的目标，因此人生也更成功。经常感恩的人对他人也会更慷慨，更加友善，他们的免疫系统也会变得更强，身体也会变得更健康。

If you’re not already doing this exercise, why not start? Each night, before going to sleep,write down at least five things that you are grateful for. And if you don’t have the time or inclination to do it every night, then even once a week,according to research by Sonja Lyubomirsky, is good enough. It is when we learn to appreciate the world around us, to be grateful for it, that we open ourselves up to a deep sense of emotional wellbeing.

如果你还没有做过这个练习，那就从今天开始吧。每天晚上睡觉前，写下至少五件你感恩的事情。索尼娅·柳博米尔斯基（Sonja Lyubomirsky）的研究证明，如果你没有时间或不想每晚都这样做，那么一周一次也足够了。只有当我们学会欣赏我们周围的世界，并对此心怀感恩时，我们才能敞开心扉，深入感受情感上的幸福。

This simple exercise can help you shift towards the Celia O’Payne end of the continuum, make you more cheerful even if your objective circumstances remain unchanged. You see,good and bad things happen to everyone and it is fundamentally what we choose to focus on that determines how happy we are. If we choose to focus on the negative, we create a reality in which the negative is strengthened, and the positive is weakened; if we choose to focus on the positive, we give it strength and actually create a better reality.

这个简单的练习可以帮助你变得像西莉亚·奥佩恩（Celia O’Payne）那样，即使你周围的客观环境不变，它也能让你更快乐。我们知道，人生总是悲喜交加，有积极的一面，也有消极的一面。从根本上说，我们选择关注哪一面决定了我们有多幸福。如果我们纠缠于消极的一面，那么在我们的世界里，负能量就会孳生，正能量也会消退。但是，如果我们选择关注积极的一面，那么正能量蓬勃向上，我们的世界也会变得更美好。

We do the gratitude exercise as a family, where at least once a week we go around the dinner table and each of us says one or more things for which we’re grateful—something that was fun for us during the week, something that made us happy. There are parents who do it with their children before going to bed. Whether we do it by ourselves or with others, the two important things to keep in mind for this exercise are: First, to do it regularly—even if it’s once a week—as a ritual. Second,when doing it, do it with intention. Don’t just go through the motion and write or say things, but really think about what these things mean to you. It may be helpful to visualize them—so if I’m grateful for my children, I can close my eyes and bring up their image. Or take an extra minute and allow the emotions associated with whatever it is that you wrote down to well up inside of you. It doesn’t take long.

我们可以和家人一起做感恩练习。每周至少一次，大家围坐在餐桌旁，每个人都说一件或几件自己感恩的事情，说说这周内发生的很有趣或开心的事情。家长和孩子在睡前也可以一起进行感恩练习。无论我们自己做，还是和别人一起做，都要记住两件重要的事情：第一是定期做练习，即使是一周一次也无妨，要把它作为一种仪式；第二是用心做练习，不要只是走走过场，只是随意写点什么或说点什么，而是要认真思考这些事对你们有什么意义。另外，将发生过的事情视觉化可能会更有帮助。因此，如果我对我的孩子心存感恩，我就可以闭上眼睛，想想他们的样子。或者多花一分钟，把相关情绪在内心中释放出来。多做一些感恩练习吧，这并不会花你们太长时间。

There are other gratitude exercises that can boost our emotional wellbeing. Martin Seligman and Christopher Peterson found that writing a gratitude letter to someone, and then, ideally, delivering and reading the letter to the person, has a powerful impact on the person writing, the person receiving, and on their relationship. The letter is not a mere “Thank you for being so wonderful” note—though a gratitude note is a nice gesture. To have the impact that it can have, the letter has to be a deeper and longer reflection on the meaning of the person and the relationship. It can be a page long, or ten pages long—that doesn’t matter—but what it should do is capture the reason for your appreciation

还有其他形式的感恩练习可以提升我们的情感幸福。马丁·塞利格曼（Martin Seligman）和克里斯托弗·彼得森（Christopher Peterson）发现，如果你写了一封感谢信，最好亲自把信交给对方并读给对方听，这会对写信人、收信人以及他们之间的关系产生巨大的影响。表达谢意当然是一种很好的姿态，但它并不只是一句“谢谢你，你太好了”这么简单。要想达到满意的效果，就要对收信人、以及你们两人的关系有着更长远和更深层面的考虑。这封信可以是一页，也可以长达十页，但这并不重要。重要的是，它应该表明你感恩的真正理由。

I have assigned this exercise to my students for years, and I’m always amazed by the impact. I remember one particular student, John. Every Tuesday and Thursday John would come to class, and sit all the way in the back,by himself. At the end of class, he would get up and walk out. The reason I noticed John, was because he was a giant. He was on the American Football team at Harvard. About a week after I assigned the gratitude letter exercise, at the end of class, he got up, but instead of walking out, he walked towards the stage where I was packing up my stuff. At that moment, I had to make an important decision: Do I run away or do I stay? I reminded myself that courage was not about not having fear, but rather about having fear and going ahead anyway. I stayed. John came towards me, and softly said: “Professor, can I come to your office hours?” to which I responded, “Yes, of course.” The following day he came to my office hours, sat in front of me, and said: “This is the first time in my three years at Harvard that I go to office hours.” He paused for a few seconds and then added: “I’m here because I want to tell you about the gratitude letter exercise you assigned. I wrote this letter to my dad, and went home last weekend and read it to him.” He paused again. looked down, and when he looked up again there was a small tear in his big eye as he said:“After I read the letter, my dad hugged me for the first time since I was eight years old…Thank you!” He got up, just as he does at the end of each class, and walked out of my office.

多年来，我一直给学生布置这个练习，而且这个练习的效果总会给我带来惊喜。我记得我有一个学生，名字叫约翰，他很特别。每个星期二和星期四，约翰都会来上课，他总一个人坐在教室后面，一下课，他就起身，走出教室。我之所以注意到约翰，是因为他身材魁梧。他是哈佛大学橄榄球队队员。在我布置感谢信练习大约一周后，有一次上完课，他站了起来，但并没有离开的意思，而是朝讲台走了过来。我当时正在收拾东西。约翰向我走来，轻声地说：“教授，我能在您坐班时间去找您吗？”我回答道：“当然可以。”第二天，他来到我的办公室，坐在我面前，并说：“这是我在哈佛三年来，第一次和老师交流”。他踌躇片刻，然后又说：“我来这里，是想和您聊聊您布置的感谢信练习。”我给我爸爸写了一封感谢信，上周末回家亲自读给他听。这时他又停下来，低下头，再抬头的时候，大大的眼睛里浮现了些许泪水，他说：“我读完信后，爸爸抱住我，这是我八岁以后，爸爸第一次拥抱我……谢谢！”然后，他和平时下课时一样站起来，走出了我的办公室。

Another student,Debbie, wrote a letter to her elementary school basketball coach who had retired years earlier. The coach, according to Debbie, looked ten years younger after she heard the words of gratitude.

我的另一个学生黛比，给她已退休多年的小学篮球教练写了一封感谢信。据黛比说，教练在听到她那些感谢的话后，看上去年轻了十岁。

An interesting finding by Sonja Lyubomirsky is that we benefit from writing a letter even if it is never delivered, even if we write it to someone who is no longer alive. Why not ritualize this practice? Why not put aside a few minutes once a month or every other month to write a letter, to express your appreciation?

索尼娅·柳博米尔斯基（Sonja Lyubomirsky）有一个有趣的发现，那就是，即使信件从未送达，即使是写给已经过世的人，我们也能从写感谢信中受益。所以，为什么不把这种做法仪式化呢？为什么不每个月或每隔一个月抽出几分钟时间，用写信的方式表达你的感恩之情呢？

Gratitude is equally important in the workplace. Most of us start and end the day looking at our to-do list, the mountain of work that we need to get done. Theresa Amabile from Harvard Business School demonstrated the value of appreciating the work that we got done. Employees remind themselves of progress that they made during the day—whether completing a report or calling a potential client—were happier,more productive, and more creative. Appreciating what we got done in the past—whether earlier in the day or over the past month—is not merely gratifying, it also leads to better performance.

感恩在职场中同样重要。大多数人只是整天埋头于堆积如山的工作。哈佛商学院特蕾莎·阿玛比勒（Theresa Amabile）的研究证明，当我们认同自己所做工作的价值时，我们也会因此受益。员工提醒自己在一天中取得的进步，比如完成一份报告，或者给潜在客户打了一个电话。他们会更快乐，更有效率，也更有创造力。如果我们能感恩自己过去所做的一切，它可以是今天早上发生的事，也可以是过去一个月内发生的事。这不仅给我们带来满足感，还会让我们在工作上有更出色的表现。

It’s not merely appreciating the past—whether in ourselves, in others, or in our work—that contributes to our wellbeing. Psychologists Hadassah Litman-Ovadia and Dina Nirhave shown that positively focusing on the future is no less important. In their research, they asked participants to nightly write down three things that they were looking forward to the following day. Those who did that, were less pessimistic, experienced less unpleasant emotions, and experienced lower levels of emotional exhaustion.

对于过去自己的努力、他人的帮助、工作中的成就，我们都要心怀感恩。但是，我们不能只看过去。心理学家哈达萨·利特曼-奥瓦迪亚（Hadassah Litman-Ovadia）和迪娜·尼尔（Dina NIR）指出，积极展望未来同样重要。他们在研究中要求参与者每晚写下他们第二天期待的三件事。那些这样做的人，一般更加乐观，经历的不愉快情绪较少，他们的情绪也会更加积极和饱满。

Do you remember that I spoke about my favorite word in Hebrew, which is NATAN—to give? Well, my favorite word in English is appreciate. The word “appreciate” has two meanings.The first meaning is to be grateful for something, and that’s a nice thing, even moral thing to do. Cicero called gratitude the mother of all virtues. Religions consistently preach about the importance of expressing gratitude. But there is another meaning to the word appreciate, and that is to grow in value. Money appreciates in the bank, or the economy appreciates, and so on. And here’s the thing: the two meanings of the word appreciate—to express gratitude and to growin value—are intimately connected, for when you appreciate the good, the good appreciates. In other words when you are grateful for the good in your life, you create more good in your life.

你们还记得我说过，在希伯来语中我最喜欢“NATAN”这个词吗？它的意思是“给予”。而我最喜欢的英文单词是“appreciate”。“appreciate”有两个含义。第一个含义是“对某事心怀感恩”，这是一件美好的事情，甚至可以上升至道德层面。西塞罗称感恩为一切美德之母。各种宗教也一直宣扬表达感恩的重要性。但“appreciate”一词还有另一个含义，那就是“升值”，比如钱存在银行升值，或者经济增长等等。事实上，“appreciate””的两个含义“表达感恩”和“价值的增长”的关系非常紧密。因为当你对美好的事物表达感恩时，你身边会出现更多美好的事物。换句话说，当你感恩生活中的美好时，你就在生活中创造了更多的美好。

Sadly, most of us fail to appreciate the good in our lives, and we pay a price for this. When you do not appreciate the good, when you take the good for granted or out right ignore it, the good depreciates, you have less of it. When do we begin to appreciate the good? Usually, when we lose it, or when there is a threat that it will be taken away.

可悲的是，我们大多数人都不能对生活中的美好表达感恩之情，而我们也为此付出了代价。如果你不知道如何对美好事物表达感恩，而将他们认为是理所当然的事情，或者采取完全无视的态度，那么，这些美好的东西就会在你的手中贬值。通常在我们失去它们的时候，或者感觉有人会夺走它们的时候，我们才学会感恩。

Irvin Yalom, who taught psychology at Stanford, has done research with terminally ill patients. These are people who have a few months to live, they are about to die. Yalom noticed that many of his patients would describe how their illness helped them appreciate what they have—themselves, their family, friends, the miraculous world inside and outside. All these things that they have taken for granted forso long.

斯坦福大学心理学教授欧文·亚罗姆（Irvin Yalom）对绝症患者做过一些研究。这些人只剩下几个月的生命。欧文·亚罗姆注意到，许多病人都会对他说，他们的疾病如何让他们开始感恩自己所拥有的一切，包括他们的生命、家人、朋友、还有这个美妙的世界。然而，他们一直以来都把这些东西看作是理所当然的。

And here is the question: Do we need to wait? Do we need to wait for something external,extraordinary and often tragic to happen for us to appreciate what is all around us and inside us? The answer is an emphatic no. All we need to do is institute habits, rituals, of gratitude: To take a few minutes each night to write down things for which we’re grateful and things we look forward to, to reflect on the progress we made during the day, to spend a few minutes with our family or friends sharing our appreciations, to write a letter of gratitude once a month to a person we cherish, and to remind ourselves that life is short and there’s no good reason to wait before taking the path of gratitude.

那我们还在等什么呢？难道非要等到悲剧发生后，我们才开始感恩自己所拥有的一切吗？当然不能这样。我们要做的是，从现在开始，就把感恩当成一种习惯、一种仪式。每天晚上花几分钟时间，写下自己感恩的事情，还有期待的事情。回顾一天中自己取得的进步，花几分钟时间，和家人或朋友分享我们的感恩之情。每个月给我们珍爱的人写一封感谢信，并提醒自己，生命短暂，我们没有理由再等待下去了，现在就走上感恩之路吧。

What can you be grateful for right now? Can you appreciate the many gifts that life offers you?

那么，你现在想对什么人或对哪件事表达你的感恩之情呢？你愿意对生活赐予你的诸多礼物表达感恩之情吗？