Trevor Noah | 字幕 How Millennial Parents Punish Their Kids - Between the Scenes

更一个往期的幕间片段 2018.4

- I don't know if you saw this.

It went viral on Facebook I know.

There's this kid

who went to school.

He got sent home from school because he was

wearing a McDonald's shirt.

Right I think you've seen this?

And it wasn't actually the M of McDonald's.

It was a woman's legs spread wide.

And it was like "I'm loving it."

And it turns out--

Yeah and it turns out his mom gave him the shirt alright.

And she says she didn't know that like the shirt had the,

she thought it was the normal McDonald's.

She said it was just a hand me down

and I gave it to my kid.

I said go to school.

And then at school everyone was like "Um..."

"What's up with the shirt?"

And then he was like "My mom gave it to me".

And so they sent him home.

And then his mom, I guess, she was like

"Oh this is so embarrassing".

So she makes a video about it on Facebook.

Because like parents, I guess want to embarrass you more.

And then she put that out and then she's like

"Oh I'm so embarrassed. This was a mistake.

I didn't plan this."

And I was like,

I don't know if i believe her.

I feel like she did that,

that was like a slick way to punish her kid

for something he did.

Yeah cause I feel like that's what millennial parents

are gonna have to do.

Because you can't hit kids anymore.

So they're gonna have to find new ways

to punish their children.

And I think the best way to do that

is to embarrass them online.

Like that's what parents,

like I can see myself doing that as a millennial parent.

Like when I grow up, I'm just gonna be one of those

where like I'll punish the shit out of my kids

but you can't hit them.

So I'll just be like, did you clean your room?

"I don't want to clean my room!"

Listen here young man, if you don't clean your room,

I'm gonna make you go viral.

I will make you go viral young man!

"No don't do it Daddy!"

It's just gonna be this new world where everyone

is punishing each other with online stuff.

See moms shouting at their kids,

"What did you say young man? What did you say?

When your dad comes home, oh you're gonna trend so hard!"

Your dad comes home.

He's like "Boy what did you do?

Bring me my Facebook live!"

"Daddy please!"

"You bring me my Facebook live right now!"

"You can choose boy, it's gonna be Facebook or Twitter.

You choose, which one I'm embarrassing you on!"

"Daddy please!"

"Go outside and choose your own hashtag.

Go get your own hashtag"

I like the most horrible thing a parent would make you do.

If you ever had a parent that did that.

That was the most psychologically messed up thing

that a parent could make you do.

Go outside and find the switch that you were going

to be beaten with.

Because you'd go outside,

so your parents would send you,

if you don't know what I'm talking about

God bless you.

You have lived a wonderful life.

If you know what I'm talking about, God bless you.

We've been through a lot.

So what your parents would do is like,

they would beat you with a little stick from the tree.

And then sometimes what they would do is they would send you

to go and fetch the stick

that they were gonna beat you with.

So it feels more democratic like that I guess.

And then you go outside and you have to fetch the stick

that you're gonna be beaten with.

And so I'd be outside crying cause I know

I'm gonna get my ass whipped.

But at the same time, I'm testing the stick.

Snap it off the tree.

And then I'd, if it made too much of a whipping sound,

I would panic.

So I'd be like.

And I'd throw it away and get another.

And then I'd try and micro break them

and then come back and act like the stick is normal.

Cause if the stick breaks that means your parents

are like super strong.

So they'd hit me once and it'd be like.

And the stick would break and I'd be like.

- [Producer] Are you ready to go?

We're ready to go.

- Just give me a moment.

I've been through a lot.

PAULA REID: The argument is that you bought yourself some time.

You didn't use it to prepare hospitals.

You didn't use it to ramp up testing.

You're so... you're so...

Right now, nearly 20 million people are unemployed.

You're so disgraceful. It's so disgraceful

-the way you say that. -Tens of thousands of Americans are dead.

Let me just... Listen, I just went over it.

How-- this is so real--

or this rant supposed to make people feel confident...

-I just went over it.

-...in an unprecedented crisis?

Nobody thought we should do it, and when I did it...

But what did you do with the time that you bought?

-You know what we did?

-In the month of February?

-That video has a gap.

-You know what we did?

-The entire month of February.

-What do you do...?

What do you do when you have no case in the whole United States?

-You had cases in February.

-When you-you... Excuse me.

You reported it. Zero cases, zero deaths on January 17.

January. February. The entire month of February.

January. I said in January.

-Your video has a complete gap.

-On January 30...

What did your administration do in February

with the time that your travel ban bought you?

-A lot. A lot.

-What?

And, in fact, we'll give you a list, what we did.

In fact, part of it was up here.

-It wasn't in there. There are gaps. -We did a lot.

Look, look, you know you're a fake.

You know that. Your whole network,

the way you cover it, is fake. And most of you...

And not all of you, but the people are wise to you.

That's why you have a lower... a lower approval rating

than you've ever had before times, probably, three.

Okay that-- that was a master class in dodging the question.

Trump pulled every single trick in the book.

He said he'll give the proof later.

He then tried to change the topic.

And then he even called the reporter a fake.

Like, I feel like he was two seconds away

from just pretending that he doesn't speak English.

Sorry, folks, no habla inglés.

So few hablas.

Zero hablas.

Luckily, the truth is that America doesn't really need

to rely on the president's instincts here.

Governors are the ones who lock down their states,

and governors are the ones who will decide

when to open the states back up.

In fact, yesterday, governors on both the East Coast

and the West Coast formed multi-state pacts

to decide together when to open the economy up.

And this is actually a brilliant idea

in the absence of leadership from the White House.

This is truly a brilliant idea.

I mean, in fact, when I think about it,

all the states should just join up.

Yeah, think about it. All the states should join up,

and they should work in unison, with each other, you know?

Like, like, they could call it the...

the Together States in America.

Goddamn, that's brilliant. I got to write that down.

Now, when Trump heard that the states were gonna be deciding

on whether or not to reopen their economies,

regardless of his decision, he was quick to remind people

that his business cards might say "President,"

but y'all better treat him like the king.

NEWSMAN: At the White House,

President Trump made the stunning claim

that only he has the power to reopen the country,

not individual state governors.

The President of the United States

has the authority to do what the president...

has the authority to do, which is very powerful.

The President of the United States

calls the shots.

They can't do anything without the approval

of the President of the United States.

Well, you say my authority. The president's authority.

Not mine. Because it's not me.

This is... when somebody's the President of the United States,

the authority is total.

And that's the way it's got to be.

REPORTER: Your authority's total?

Total. It's total.

What provision in the Constitution

gives the president the power to open or close state economies?

-And then...

-Numerous provisions.

We'll give you a legal brief if you want.

Okay, uh, just so we're on the same page,

Trump has now promised us a list of all the preparations

he took in February,

and an explanation of why he has total power

as the president.

And I'm assuming he'll deliver all of those pieces of paper

when he sends over his tax returns

and his high school report on To Kill a Mockingbird.

Yeah. At this point, Trump has more pages to release

than George R. R. Martin.

Where's the final book, George!

You've been stuck at home with nothing else to do.

No more excuses, George.

I'm gonna come and find you...

and ask you this question in person.

This is not a threat.

And, you know, it's crazy how throughout this crisis

Trump has been pushing responsibility

onto the governors at every opportunity.

Every opportunity, that's what he's been doing.

"Find your own ventilators."

"Negotiate for your own PPE."

"You tell citizens to stay at home-- that's not my job."

But now...

now that it's getting close to that time when America

might be reopening the economy, all of a sudden he's like:

Me. Me. I get to push the button.

That's me. I get to do it.

But the truth is, Donald, if you're not there for the battle,

you don't get to lead the victory parade.

Well, that's our show for today.

Before we go, though, if you are able to help people

who are going hungry in this country

because of the pandemic,

please consider donating to Feeding America.

They're supplying food

to millions of people in America.

You've probably seen the pictures

of the cars lining up online.

They're feeding these people every day,

and they could really use your help.

Even a dollar can help somebody get a meal.

Anyway, stay safe out there, wash your hands, and remember,

the only thing you really need to stock up on is love.

And canned tuna.

And probably toilet paper.

And, like, water and things and...