Chapter 01 I seek and find a friend

CHAPTER I
I SEEK AND FIND A FRIEND
A few months ago, I came in the course of my wanderings, to the city of New York. My! My! how the big city has grown since I was here a few years ago.
I entered it by way of a ferry-boat from Jersey City. Then I scampered up past City Hall, the Hotel de Gink, and the Tombs to the Bowery.
Of course, the first thing was to make a friend. I chose a solemn-looking bulldog, sitting round the corner from a saloon whose huge, bulging window looked like a big eye staring down the street. The dog, who was brindle in colour, and had a tremendous head, sat tight up against the wall, and was keeping a wary eye out for something, I know not what.
“Good afternoon,” I said politely, and not going too close to him.
“How d’ye do,” he said morosely. Then he looked up at the elevated.
That’s the worst of a big city. No dog that’s worth knowing cares a rap about you, unless you force yourself on his attention.
“Oh! Come off the L,” I said brusquely.
You see, I recognised at once, that he was a bluff, matter-of-fact dog who would not appreciate frills.
He did come off, and gave me a glance.
“You’re no fairy,” he said hoarsely.
“No, and I’m no crazy cur, either,” I replied. “If I were, you New York dogs would fall all over each other to entertain me. You’ve got to be either a beauty, a crank or a millionaire, to get on in this city.”
“How did you like Virginia?” he asked, with a twist of his under-jaw.
I’m a pretty self-possessed dog, but I could not help starting a bit. “How did you know I have been in Virginia?” I asked sharply.
He gave a snicker. “I know you’re from the South, for you’re shivering on this mild day, and Virginia is the nearest state south that has the exact shade of that lovely red mud sticking to your hind leg.”
“I’m not a Southern dog,” I said hastily.
“You needn’t go out of your way to get hot telling me that,” he retorted. “You haven’t the slick repose of manner of the Southern dog.”
“Well, I’m glad I’ve struck a four-legged Sherlock Holmes,” I remarked good-naturedly. “You’re just the fellow to tell me where to go to get a square meal.”
“Why don’t you trot uptown for your first feed?” he asked with a relaxing of his sour expression, for he liked being compared to the famous detective.
I smiled. There was no need to say anything, yet I said it. “Uptown’s fine, after you have an introduction. Downtown doesn’t ask so many questions.”
“Ha! Ha!” he laughed gruffly. “I like you. Come right in—I’ll share bones and tit-bits with you for a night. Follow me,” and he shuffled round the corner toward the family entrance of the saloon. There he pushed his flat skull against a door in the wall, and entered a yard about as big as a pocket handkerchief.
“Not many yards in the Bowery now,” he said hoarsely. “Happened to be a fire next door that burnt a building to the ground, and fencing in the vacant lot, gives us a place to stretch our legs.”
“Good gracious!” I said. “The city is getting darker and darker.”
“Yes,” he replied gloomily, “what with burrowing for the subways, and sky-rocketing for the elevateds, and tunnelling for the tubes, the city is getting to be as black as——”
“Yes, yes,” I said hastily. “I know—it’s a habitation not mentioned in polite dog circles.”
“What’s the matter with you?” he asked in his choked voice. “If you’re too good for your company, get out.”
“I’m not,” I said hurriedly. “I like you. You’re a regular sport.”
“I used to be,” he said, settling down on the straw with a groan, “but my joints—the rheumatiz has got me. I’m not like I used to be—Come on now, reel off your life yarn. I’ve got an hour to spare. What’s your name, and where were you born, and where are you going?”
“With your powers of observation, you ought to be able to answer all those questions for yourself,” I said demurely.
He looked me all over, with his fine dark eyes. “You haven’t got a name,” he said with a snort, “or rather you have many names. You’re a travelling dog. You were born anywhere, and you don’t know where you’re going.”
I burst into such a delighted yell of laughter that he told me to shut up, or some one might hear us.
“What’s the matter with you?” I asked wonderingly. “And what’s the matter with all the dogs here? I never saw such a cowed looking set.”
“We’re listening for the cops,” he said angrily. “We’ve got a new health commissioner and he’s a——”
“Yes, yes,” I interjected hurriedly, “a dear fellow. He doesn’t understand dogs probably.”
“Understand them—he’s a fool. He says it’s the citizens first, if every dog has to go. He’s muzzled every one of us, even when led on a leash. He wants to make little old New York a dogless city.”
“I suppose it’s the old rabies scare,” I said.
“Sure—that’s it. A poor dog loses his master. He runs wild and howls. A crowd chases him, and he foams at the mouth. Then they kill him. Rabies!—rats!”
“Come, come,” I said, “we’re dogs of course, but let us look at the human point of view. There is such a disease.”
“Of course there is, but it’s as rare as a summer’s day in winter. You’ve as much chance of being struck by lightning, as of being bit by a mad dog.”
“Yet there are people killed by lightning,” I said.
He was grumbling on to himself. “The Lord made dogs—Man can’t improve ’em. He gave us our mouths free to chew grass and pick a little earth for stomach troubles. You muzzle a dog, and he gets sick and makes his master sick. The fool commissioner hurts the humans more than he helps them.”
“But he’s trying to wipe out the disease,” I said. “There isn’t much of it, and if the dogs are muzzled for a few years, it will be stamped out.”
“Yes, and we’ll have a dozen other worse diseases by that time. A muzzled dog is a menace to his master, I tell you. Let ’em supervise our health in some way. Let the government do as much for us as they do for pigs. Then we wouldn’t hear of rabies. The commissioner’s a fool—New York’s rotten anyway.”
I didn’t dare to disagree with him, for he probably would have nabbed me. “Well,” I said humbly, “I suppose we must let them come first.”
“Who come first?” he growled.
“Human beings—we’re second.”
“That’s all right,” he assented.
“Now for the sake of human beings,” I went on, “who are as closely packed together as they are in New York, there shouldn’t be many animals in with them.”
“Sure,” he said, “I’m with you there. High license to keep dogs down. They’re not happy themselves if they’re cramped.”
“But high license is against the poor man,” I said. “He could not afford to keep a dog for his children.”
“Let him go without,” said the bulldog.
“No, sir, not in these days of equality. How about having public playgrounds in crowded districts, with bird and animal pets, and a house with a caretaker to supervise the play of the children.”
“They have such playgrounds now,” he said.
“But, they haven’t any dogs, and cats and birds.”
“All right,” he said, “let ’em have ’em, if you can get the dough.”
“And furthermore,” I continued, “let the city give the superintendence of animals and birds to a person who understands them.”
The old dog was pleased now. “That’s right,” he said, “I’m with you there. Don’t boss a job you don’t understand.”
“From what you say,” I went on, “it sounds as if your commissioner was very hygienic, but he has got the bull by the tail instead of by the horns.”
The old dog roared with delight. This was something along his own line, and seeing him so good-natured, I was emboldened to say: “You spoke in quite a religious way just now, yet you keep a saloon.”
He turned on me quite fiercely. “Do you suppose there’s no religion in a saloon? I tell you there’s more good-nature and help-your-neighbourliness down here in the Bowery than there is up on Fifth Avenue. What told you to come down here for a free feed, hey?—You, a classy dog.”
“But is that religion?” I asked hesitatingly, for I didn’t want to ruffle the old fellow and lose my dinner.
“It’s the new theology,” he said more agreeably. “We don’t go to church, and sing hymns, and make roly-poly eyes, but we buck each other up. Why my mister sells the best of the Little Hell Gate Distillery stuff, yet if a fellow has too many drinks in him, he doesn’t get another one from us.”
“Well,” I said easily, “I try to be an up-to-date dog, and the latest theory is that drink takes strength away. First thing I noticed arriving here was the procession of saloons. First thing I noticed in the South was their absence. It had a kind of too-good-to-be-true look.”
“I see Russia gets on better without the sale of vodka,” said my new friend agreeably. “I guess we’d do just as well on the water-wagon, but you don’t want to be too quick in hopping on it. I often think that some of these fellows who come in here so dry and grabbing for their drinks, would be just as well off if they had a lot of good old hot coffee, the kind mother used to make; but you’d have to go slow with ’em, about putting the coffee-pot in the place of the bottle.”
“I never can understand,” I said, “why men don’t like grape-juice, and ginger ale, and beer, and all kinds of nice, cool, sloppy drinks better than fiery stuff, but that’s been tried and they hate it.”
A cunning gleam came in the old dog’s eyes. “Temperance folk don’t understand. They make their health places too clean and shiny, and a man in overalls don’t want to get in the eye of the public to take his drink and swap yarns with another pair of overalls. I’ll tell you what my mister’s doing, if you won’t let on to the dogs round here. They’re a tonguey bunch.”
“Certainly not,” I replied.
The old dog thrust his head out of his kennel, to see if any one was listening, then he went on. “It’s this way. Mister goes up town or down town to some saloon—say Jones’. Says he, ‘How much do you clean up per annum, Jones?’ Jones says, ‘A thousand dollars.’ Mister asks, ‘How much will you sell for?’ Jones tells him. Mister either buys him out, or goes in as a partner. Same old business goes on, same old stand, same old boss. Coffee runs in, liquor runs out, and before Jones’ pack know where they are, naughty drinks are out, and pious ones are in—and mister makes more dough.”
“Good thought,” I exclaimed. “I suppose if he’d shut up the old place, and put up a temperance sign at first, the men would have run like deer.”
“Sure,” said the old dog, “drive folks, and they run from you; coax ’em, and they feed out of your hand.”
“Is your master going to make this saloon into a good one?” I asked curiously.
“Mebbe, in time. This gives him his title of saloon-keeper.”
“Your master must be a queer man,” I said. “I’d like to see him.”
“You never saw his match,” chuckled the old dog. “He could make money out of the cobble stones.”
“Is he rich?” I enquired.
“I should smile.”
“Well,” I said, “I’m glad to hear he’s a semi-philanthropist.”
“Say—just spell that word, will you?” said my friend with mock politeness. I spelt it for him, then he said, “Were you ever a preacher’s dog?”
“Yes,” I said, “and he was a fine fellow.”
“Were you ever a saloon-keeper’s dog?” he went on with a twinkle in his dark eyes.
“Yes,” I said with a laugh, for I rejoiced to see how keen he was.
Before I left the South, I had to associate with coloured dogs for a time, and while they were kindness itself, they were not quick-witted like the white dogs.
“I guess you were an actor’s dog too, weren’t you?” continued old Gringo, for I had seen his name over his kennel.
“Yes, sir, I was.”
“And a grocer’s dog, and a milkman’s dog, and a doctor’s dog, and a postman’s dog, and a thousand ladies’ dog, and in short you’re a very——”
“Yes, yes,” I said hastily, “I’ve boxed the compass, as far as owners go.”
He burst into a hoarse laugh. “I guess the human race ain’t got any string on you.”
“Well,” I said modestly, “I know considerable about men and women.”
“And children?” he said.
“No,” I returned. “It isn’t so easy to follow them. They’re so clever, so very much more unexpectedly clever than the grown-ups.”
“It’s a doll-fashion now to kow-tow to young ones,” he said crossly. “I don’t like ’em myself, except a few.”
I suppressed a yawn. I was powerfully hungry, and so far, not a word had been said about dinner.
Suddenly my new friend trembled. “Down on your knees,” he whispered. “Waller in the straw. Keep cool——” then he filled up the kennel door with the stout, muscular breadth of his body.