《不可儿戏》王尔德-P1

Narrator
Algernon Moncrieff, a wealthy young man from the upper classes of society, ispassing the time playing the piano in his luxurious flat in central London.He's waiting for his aunt and cousin to come to tea. Algernon is a well-dressed andpleasant-looking man. His servant, Lane, is busy preparing the table.

Algernon
Did you hear what I was playing, Lane?

Lane
I thought it would be rude to listen, sir.

Algernon
Oh, that's a pity. Now, have you made the cucumber sandwiches yet for LadyBracknell? They said they would be here atfive.

Lane
Yes, sir. Here they are.

Algernon
Oh! Good… By the way,Lane, I noticed eight bottles of champagne were drunk on Thursday night while Iwas having dinner with Mr Worthing.

Lane
That's correct, sir.

Algernon
Why do bachelors' servants always drink their champagne?

Lane
It's probably because a bachelor's wine is better than the wine you'd find inmarried families.

Algernon
Good heavens! Is marriage as bad as that?

Lane
People tell me that it is very pleasant, sir. I don't have much experience. I've onlybeen married once.

(a bell rings)

Algernon
Aha! That will be my dear aunt, Lady Bracknell… Tellher that I'm in the morning room.

Narrator
But it isn't Algernon's aunt. It's a young gentleman who follows Lane into theroom. He's good-looking and has a serious expression on his face. Algernon ispleased, though surprised, to see him.

Lane
Mr Ernest Worthing.

Algernon
How are you, my dear Ernest? What brings you to London?

Jack
Oh, pleasure of course!

Algernon
Where have you been since last Thursday?

Jack
In the country.

Algernon
What on earth do you do there?

Jack
When you are in town you entertain yourself. When you are in the country youentertain other people. It is really quite boring.

Algernon
And who do you entertain?

Jack
Oh, neighbours.

Algernon
Got nice neighbours where you live in Shropshire?

Jack
Perfectly horrid! Never speak to any of them.

Algernon
They must find you very entertaining, then!

Jack
Hello! Why all these cups? Why cucumber sandwiches? Who's coming to tea?

Algernon
Oh! Just my aunt Lady Bracknell and… her daughter Gwendolen…

Jack
How wonderful!

Algernon
Yes, but Lady Bracknell won't approve of you being here.

Jack
Why not?

Algernon
My dear fellow, the way you flirt with Gwendolen is perfectly disgraceful.It's almost as bad as the way Gwendolen flirts with you.

Jack
I'm in love with Gwendolen. I've come to London to ask her to marry me.

Algernon
You told me you had come here for pleasure? I call that business.

Jack
You are so unromantic!

Algernon
I really don't see anything romantic in proposing. It's very romantic to be in love. Butthere's nothing romantic about asking someone to marry you. They may acceptyou. Then the excitement is all over. If I ever get married, I'll certainly tryto forget that I am.

Jack
I'm sure you will, dear Algy.

Algernon
I don't think you will ever marry Gwendolen.

Jack
Why on earth do you say that?

Algernon
Well, in the first place, girls never marry the men they flirt with.

Jack
Oh, that's nonsense!

Algernon
It's true. It explains why there are so many bachelors. In the second place, Iwon't give you my permission.

Jack
Your permission?

Algernon
My dear fellow, Gwendolen is my first cousin, and before I allow you to marryher, you will have to explain about… Cecily.

Jack
Cecily? What do you mean? Who is Cecily? I don't know any one called Cecily.

(A bell rings)

Lane
You called, sir?

Algernon
Bring me that cigarette case Mr Worthing left here last Thursday.

Lane
Yes, sir.

Jack
Have you had my cigarette case all this time? I wish you'd told me. I've beento the police. I nearly offered a large reward.

Algernon
Well, I wish you would. I'm quite hard up at the moment.

Jack
There's no point offering a large reward now it's been found.

Lane
The cigarette case, sir.

Algernon
I think that's rather mean of you, Ernest. However, it's not important nowbecause according to the inscription inside, the case isn't yours anyway.

Jack
Of course it's mine. You've seen me use it hundreds of times. Now, could I havemy cigarette case back?

Algernon
Yes, but this isn't your cigarette case. It's a present from someone calledCecily, and you said you didn't know anyone of that name.

Jack
Well, actually, Cecily is my aunt.

Algernon
Your aunt!

Jack
Yes. Lovely old lady she is, too. Lives in Tunbridge Wells.

Algernon
But why does she call herself "little Cecily" if she is your aunt?"From little Cecily with her fondest love."

Jack
What's wrong with that? Some aunts are tall, some are small.

Algernon
Yes. But why does your aunt call you her uncle? "From little Cecily, withher fondest love to her dear Uncle Jack." There is no problem, I admit, toan aunt being small, but why should an aunt call her own nephew… uncle? Besides, your name isn't Jack.It's Ernest.

Jack
It isn't Ernest. It's Jack.

Algernon
You have always told me it was Ernest. I have introduced you to everyone asErnest. You look as if your name was Ernest. You are the most earnest-looking person I ever saw in my life – so honest and serious.

Narrator
Ah yes, we should just say that the name Ernest was very common at the time,and the adjective 'earnest' – which sounds exactly the same - means, well,honest and serious.

Algernon
Here, it's written on your card: "Mr Ernest Worthing, B4, TheAlbany."

Jack
Well, my name is Ernest in town and Jack in the country, and the cigarette casewas given to me in the country.

Algernon
Yes, but that doesn't explain why your small Aunt Cecily calls you her dearuncle. Or why you have two names to start with. Come on, you'll have toexplain.