《不可儿戏》王尔德-P2

Narrator
Algernon hasjust asked his good friend Jack to explain why he calls himself Jack in thecountry but Ernest in London. Jack says it's because he is the guardian of a girl called Cecily, who lives withhim in the country. She looks up to him and he feels he should behave well whenhe's with her, so he pretends he has a younger brother called Ernest so thatwhen he comes up to London, he can enjoy himself.

Jack
That, my dearAlgy, is the whole truth.

Algernon
So, Ernest,you are a Bunburyist!

Jack
What on earthdo you mean?

Algernon
You haveinvented a very useful younger brother called Ernest, so that you can come toLondon as often as you like. I have invented a sick friend called Bunbury sothat I can go to the country whenever I like. Bunbury is invaluable. For example, if Bunbury didn't have suchbad health, I would have to have dinner with my aunt Lady Bracknell tonight.And I have no intention of doing that.

Jack
Why not?

Algernon
Well, to beginwith, I had dinner with her on Monday - once a week is quite enough to eat withyour own relations. Secondly, I know I will be seated next to Mary Farquhar, who always flirts with her own husband - most unpleasant!Besides, I want to have dinner with you and talk about Bunburyism.

Jack
I'm not a...Bunburyist. In fact I think I am going to kill my brother Ernest. Cecilyis a little too interested in him. And I strongly advise you to do the samewith Mr... with your sick friend.

Algernon
I will not be separated from Bunbury...  (a bell rings) Ah! That must be my aunt now. Now, if I keep her busy for ten minutesso you can propose to Gwendolen, will you have dinner withme tonight?

Jack
AlrightAlgy...

Lane
Lady AugustaBracknell and Miss Gwendolen Fairfax.

Narrator
Awell-dressed, elderly woman and her daughter, a pretty, young lady enter theroom.

Lady Bracknell
Goodafternoon, dear Algernon. Oh, hello, Mr Worthing.

Jack
Hello, Lady...

Lady Bracknell
Now,Algernon... I'd like a nice cup of tea, and one of those cucumber sandwichesyou promised me.

Algernon
Certainly,Aunt Augusta. Good heavens! Lane! Why are there no cucumber sandwiches?

Lane
There were nocucumbers in the market this morning, sir.  

Algernon
No cucumbers!

Lane
No, sir. 

Algernon
I am verysorry, Aunt Augusta.

Lady Bracknell
It doesn'tmatter, Algernon. Pour me some tea.

Algernon
Here you are.

Lady Bracknell
Thank you. Now, Algernon, about tonight - you will be seated next to Mary Farquhar. 

Algernon
I'm afraid,Aunt Augusta, I won't be able to have dinner with you tonight.

Lady Bracknell
But why not,Algernon?

Algernon
Well, I havejust heard that my poor friend Bunbury is very ill again. I'll have to go andsee him.

Lady Bracknell
It's verystrange. This Mr Bunbury seems to have curiously bad health. I thinkit is time that he made up his mind whether he was going to live or to die. AndI would be very grateful if you could ask Mr Bunbury to please not be ill onSaturday, because I need you to organise my music at my soirée.

Algernon
I'll speak tohim, Aunt Augusta, and I'm sure he'll be well by Saturday. But why don't we gonext door to look at the programme of music I've prepared.

Lady Bracknell
Thank you,Algernon. It is very thoughtful of you.

Narrator
Algernon andhis aunt go into the music room, leaving Jack and Gwendolen alone.

Jack
It has been alovely day, Miss Fairfax.

Gwendolen
Please don'ttalk to me about the weather, Mr Worthing. Whenever people talk about the weather, Iam sure they mean something else. And that makes me nervous.

Jack
I do meansomething else.

Gwendolen
I thought so. 

Jack
Miss Fairfax,ever since I met you I have admired you...

Gwendolen
Yes, Irealised that. Actually, I have always been fascinated by you... even before we met.  

Jack
Really?

Gwendolen
Yes, I'vealways wanted to love someone called Ernest. That name inspires complete confidence. When Algernon first mentioned that he hada friend called Ernest, I knew I wasdestined to love you.

Jack
You reallylove me, Gwendolen?

Gwendolen
Passionately!

Jack
But you don'treally mean that you couldn't love me if my name wasn't Ernest?

Gwendolen
But your name is Ernest.

Jack
Yes, I know. But what if it was something else? Do you mean you couldn't love me then?Personally, I don't think the name suits me.

Gwendolen
It suits youperfectly. 

Jack
But there arelots of other much nicer names. Jack, for instance, is a charming name.

Gwendolen
Jack? Oh, no,Jack does not have the same sound at all. It's not exciting. The only reallysafe name is Ernest.

Jack
Gwendolen, I must get christened at once - I mean, we must get married atonce.

Gwendolen
Married, MrWorthing?

Jack
Well...surely. You know that I love you, and you led me to believe, MissFairfax, that you felt the same.

Gwendolen
I adore you. But you haven't proposed to me yet. Nothing has been said at all about marriage.

Jack
Well... may Ipropose to you now?

Narrator
And so Jack kneels down and asks Gwendolen to marry him. Sheaccepts and Jack is still on his knees when Lady Bracknell returns.

Lady Bracknell
Mr Worthing!Do get up! 

Gwendolen
Mamma! Please leave us. Mr Worthing has not quite finished yet.

Lady Bracknell
Finished what,may I ask?

Gwendolen
I am engaged to Mr Worthing, mamma. 

Lady Bracknell
Pardon me, youare not engaged to anyone. When you do become engaged, I, or your fatherwill tell you. A young girl should be surprised by an engagement, pleasantly orunpleasantly. It is not something that she is allowed to arrange for herself... And now I wouldlike to ask you a few questions, Mr Worthing. Gwendolen, can you wait for me below inthe carriage.

Gwendolen
Mamma!