28（英） How to know more about your child's performance at school

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本课程是中英双语授课，您可以点击“专辑--节目”选择中文或英文课程进行收听，英文课程由玛丽·尼尔森本人讲述，对应中文内容是由中国的正面管教导师甄颖完成。谢谢您的订阅，希望您能有所收获。

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Hello, Ximalaya subscribers. This is Mary Nelsen. Andtoday we're going to be talking about how to know more about your child'sperformance at school, and some of the different tools that we will talk aboutare Connection before Correction –and we're gonna do that with asking CuriosityQuestions and lots of Encouragement. And I'm sure there's more there that we'regonna talk about, because they're always sprinkled in a combination of tools,It's hard to use just one specific tool. But we do want to always remember theprinciples behind those tools. And that's why I would like to start today isthe principle of connecting with your child and the importance of that.

And when we think about school and parents, I know as a parent personallythat I want my child to be successful in school and to get good grades so thatthey can have a successful life so that they don't have to struggle or sufferor experience negative outcomes in life because they're not educated or becausethey didn't learn responsibility and the value in hard work. And oftentimes asparents, that's common sense to us：We know why we want our children tostudy hard， work hard, because it'll provide a better，a happier and healthier future for them.

So when we are approaching our children about how they are doing in schoolor the teacher. It's really important to start first with the foundation thatyou really love and care about them, you wanna protect them，you want toguide them and you want them to have this positive, healthy life in future. Butmaking sure that that message first and foremost is real clear， because when I'm working with parents, I often get that messageafter I had to ask about ten questions to say and why are you doing that，and why，and why，and tokeep asking why.

And then they finally say what they think is just obvious，”that'sbecause I love them and I don't want them to have to worry or struggle. I don'twant to worry and and struggle about my uh, worry and suffer and stress aboutmy children in their future”，so making sure thatmessage of love gets through first and foremost. And to remember that as aparent, you are your child's first and most important teacher. I have foundthrough research as well as my own personal experience, that when parents andfamilies are involved in their children's schools, the children do better andhave better feelings about going to school.

In fact, many studies show that what the family does is more important to aschool, a child's school success than how much money the family makes or howmuch education the parents have. There are many ways that parents can supporttheir children's learning at home and throughout the school year. Studentsuccess largely relies on the factors like steady habits, school attendance,test taking abilities, and much more. But the research showing that parentalinvolvement has a huge impact on the student achievement in the classroom,which is really exciting because that means you get to be involved, you get tobe involved in your child's school, in their world, in their life, what thereare learning and what they might be even struggling now, where they need alittle bit more support.

And the best way you can do that also is throughmodeling for them, modeling that you're there to contribute with the teacher，

modeling that you're there to contribute to their students, their peers, theirfriends, whether it be in the classroom or on field trips or however you can. Getto know your children's environment. Another thing that you can do to reallyhave success in finding more about your your child's performance at school isto develop a partnership with your child's teacher and school staff.

So meet your child's teacher. As soon as the school year starts, try tofind a way to meet your child's teacher. Let the teacher know that you wannahelp your child learn, make it clear that you want the teacher to contact youif there's any problems or challenges, and that you want to help your childsucceed. Speaking with your child's teacher will be the beginning for developingpartnership that you would like to have with your child's teacher. And parentswant to be involved in children's education because teachers in schools believethat involve parents benefit children.

Most teachers do not know the goals the parents have for their children, orhow their parents can help and support them. I think they assume that they justwant them to to learn. But sometimes that can be very vague. And it's better toknow more details about whether learning and how you can really help themlearn. So creating a partnership, especially around the academics, is what theyare finding to be really helpful in your student，your child's school achievement.

So getting to know who’s at your child's school. There are many people atyour child's school who are there to help your children learn and grow sociallyand emotionally and to navigate the school environment. So as a parent, youhave the opportunity to model again through contribution communicating withthese people, building relationships and creating that connection. Yourchildren might watching you， observing you as you model these behaviors andparticipation. Another thing you can do is attend any parent and teacherconferences that the school has with your child's teacher.

Schools usually have one or oftentimes two parentteacher conferences each year. And you can always schedule another one if youwant to have a closer connection or more involvement. Maybe you could evencreate more of a connection through email or telephone. Another thing you'dlike to do as a parent is to support your child academically. So what does thismean? Find out how your child is doing. And the first step to this process isto have that open and trusting relationship with your child when they feel safeto share and explore with you about the different ideas that they're having, ormaybe some of the different struggles, or what topics they're enjoying, orwhich topics are not enjoying.

And when your child feels as though they can come to you for help andsupport versus a lecture or a punishment, then they will be forthcoming withinformation. And you may not need to be as as involved in communicating withthe teacher as you think. So if you could create that relationship with yourchild first, then that would eliminate more communication with the child andprobably save everyone more time while creating better connection. So I alsobelieve that this would be the best situation.

So when you have that connection with your child, you can then ask them thequestions, and your child will be encouraged to share. If your child isresistant to communicate with you and share, then you can ask the teacher howyour child is doing in class. I do recommend that you share with your childthat you're going to do this and remind them with the message of love, thatit's because you want them to have a positive experience of school. Andtherefore you are wanting to do whatever it takes to make sure that happens.

So if your child is not keeping up, and especially when it comes toreading, you want to know so you can be involved，so you can support the school,you can support the teacher and you can support your child however they needit. One of the ways to support your child is to have healthy homework routines.Let your child know that you think education is important and that you willcreate the opportunity for them to have the best future. And with that comessetting homework habits, good homework habits. And you might wanna start withsetting aside a special place to study and establishing a regular time forhomework.

And of course remove any distractions such as television or cell phones ahany screens that would be involved in the homework area as a distraction. Itcan also be extremely encouraging to your child to create these routines. Andagain, it's got to be with your child. If you come home and have a chart orschedule, and you say, here's what we're gonna do, that will not invitecooperation. But if you sit down with your child and you go over all thedifferent things that they need to do from the time they get home until thetime they go to bed and just talk to them about how much time it's going totake.

And it's more of like an easy conversation of just real curiosity. “Howmuch time do you think you need to do your homework?” “And how much time do youthink you need to relax， how much time you need for sports?” And then to reallygo over that time and say, “Okay, when would be the best time for you to doyour homework and what kind of environment do you need to support that? How canI help? Anything I can do to help?” So another thing you can do as a parent is getinvolved with your child's school, volunteer your child's school and or jointhe schools parent teacher groups. Teachers appreciate it when parents help outin the classroom. Trust me. I am contributing to my son's classroomvolunteering every Wednesday.

And as busy as my schedule is, I just can't put into words how much joy andenthusiasm it brings to me as a parent. And of course, when I see my six-year-oldsons, eyes looking at me proud. You can just tell by his posture and his grinon his face. He loves having me there. The teacher loves having me there. I'vegotten to know each and everyone of his his classmates，a lot of staff.I just feel more involved.

And I think that's encouraging for me. It's encouraging for the teacher.And then of course, it's encouraging for your child. And when issues orconcerns come up, just talk to the teacher ask how your child's doing in schoolif they're having any trouble or trouble learning or behaving or studying. It'sokay, just to communicate. But it would be great if it came from your childfirst. And again, building that trust with your child, letting them know thatyou're on their side and that they can trust you, and that you're gonna supportthem and guide them.

any challenges that they have, you're gonna help them focus on solutions tosolve that problem. So it's also important to support your child's learning athome by demonstrating with a positive attitude about education to yourchildren. What we say and do in our daily lives can help them to develop thosepositive attitudes towards school and learning to build the confidence inthemselves as learners, showing our children that we both value education andwe use it in our own daily lives will provide them with the powerful model, usas parents that will contribute greatly to their success in school.

We're modeling some of the behaviors that we want them to learn and tooverall have long term as an adult. So as parents, we need to monitor ourchildren's television news, the video games, internet and anything that has todo with screens. They are such a huge distraction. And American children onaverage are spending more time watching TV and playing video games. Then theydo completing homework or any other school related activities.

So let's redirect our children and have them do things that are stimulatingthe brain, their mind, their creativity, their learning. And one of the waysthat you can do that is encourage your child to read. Helping your child tobecome a reader is the single most important thing. I believe that you can doas a parent with your child and their education. You are creating such greathabits and it's gonna help them overall in their school subjects. It's going tobe, I believe, the key to lifelong learning. And more important, it gives youagain that opportunity to model these good habits.

So as a parent, I hope you're reading, especially in front of your childrenor with your children. Even if you are not a big reader, I would encourage youto spend at least fifteen minutes, especially when your children are youngerreading with your children. And even as they get older, you can read chapterbooks with them and take turns reading the pages or even have a book club withthem. So you're both reading them the book separately. But you could then talkabout it and create that connection and that love for learning and for readingand just the mind and what it's doing to the mind and your relationship. Itsounds like a win win to me.

Another very important tip as a parent is to talk with your child, takingthe time to really listen to what your children has to say. And to ask theright questions. And again, there's no script for these questions, but it'sjust being creative and letting your child know hopefully if your energy andyour timing and your tone that you are not there to take inventory to then givethem a consequence or give them all the answers. But to really get a betterunderstanding of where your child's at.

And again, when they know this, that's when they're going to be moreforthcoming in their communication. Another important tip for you as a parentis to encourage a child to take responsibility and work independently. Takingresponsibility and working independently are important qualities for yourchild's school success. And you can help your child do this by helping them todevelop the qualities they need to contribute with chores or jobs around house.And they get to practice this responsibility and the feeling that comes withthat contribution. And they can also learn how to contribute in the classroomand have that same feeling. But it starts with the home.

Another and final tip for you as a parent is to encourage active learning.Children need active learning as well as quiet learning, such as reading anddoing homework. But active learning involves asking and answering questions,solving problems, and exploring interests. Active learning also can take placewhen your child plays sports or spends time with friends, uh, acts in school,plays or plays musical instrument, or even just visits the museum in bookstore.So to promote active learning, listen to your child's ideas and respond tothem. Let them jumping with questions and opinions about what books to read orwhat ideas they have to learn, what interests them.

So when you encourage this type，give and take it home, your child'sparticipation and interest in school is likely to increase. They're feelingencouraged in the home and also in the classroom. And it all starts with aconnection in the relationship with you. Only then again, can these tools work.So you're gonna be asking curiosity questions. You're gonna be modeling withdifferent characteristics and and and good habits such as reading andcontributing and being responsible and communicating and many others. So asalways, it is my pleasure to share my experiences and the positive disciplinetools that I know can be so helpful in bringing a joy in parenting.

Until next time. It was my pleasure. And I look forward to speaking withyou again real soon. Take care， bye bye.