人生学校｜自我欺骗：逃避痛苦的面具

Lie to Ourselves: A Mask to Avoid Pain

A major obstacle to self-knowledge, and in turn to a flourishing life is the tendency of one part of our minds to lie to the other. We lie for what might initially seem like a very understandable reason, because we want to avoid pain. But in so doing, we hugely damage our chances of happiness.

Given how risky the truth about us can feel, we had to learn to be masters of deception. Our techniques are wide-ranging, devilish, and often hugely imaginative. Here are some of the leading maneuvers we employ to pull the wool over our own eyes.

1. Distraction/Addiction 分心/上瘾
We identify something that can powerfully keep our thoughts away from troubling inner confrontations. Online pornography's a favorite. The news another. Alcohol, a third. Work, a fourth. We don't so much like these elements in and of themselves. We like them for their ability to keep us away from what we fear.

2. Manic Cheeriness 狂躁的快乐
A sadness we haven't been able to admit to, is often covered up with exaggerated doses of manic cheeriness. We aren't happy, so much as incapable of allowing ourselves to feel even the slightest sadness, in case we were to be overwhelmed by our buried grief. We develop a brittle insistent tendency to say that, "All is very well", "This is lovely, isn't it?" We might press leaving no room for any ideas to the contrary.

3. Irritability 易怒
Denied anger with a particular personal situation often seeps out into a generalized irritability. So successful is the lie, we don't really know what's up. We just keep losing our tempers. Someone moved the TV remote. There are two eggs in the fridge. The electricity bill is slightly higher than we expected. Anything can set us off. Our brains are so filled with how frustrating, annoying things are. We have cleverly left no space at all for focusing on the true and very sad issue.

4. Denigration 贬低
We tell ourselves that we simply don't care about something. Love or politics, career success or intellectual life. That beautiful student or the house we can't afford. And we are very emphatic about our lack of interest and complete disdain. We go to great lengths to make it very clear to others and ourselves how absolutely unconcerned we are.

5. Censoriousness 挑剔
We grow censorious and deeply disapproving of certain kinds of behavior and people. What we don't admit is that was so full of condemnation, only because we need to ward off awareness that a part of us in fact really likes the condemned element. We attack certain sexual tastes as utterly deviant and beyond the pale, precisely because we half know that we share them, somewhere inside ourselves. So we're delighted when particular people are arrested or shamed in the press. What they did was utterly awful, we insist, our outrage shielding us from any risk of spotting the connection between them and us.

6. Defensiveness 防御
When there's unwelcomed news, we may resort to a highly successful diversionary tactic, taking offense. A colleague tries to give us a bit of feedback. Instantly, we accuse them of rudeness, arrogance in a sense of entitlement. A partner points something out. We get furious that they're piling pressure on us at a difficult point. Feeling offended takes up all our attention. It muddies the waters. We no longer have to pay attention to information that is at heart correct but challenging.

7. Cynicism, Despair 愤世嫉俗，绝望
We're sad about particular things. But confronting them would be so arduous, we generalize and universalize the sadness. We don't say that X or Y has made us sad. We say that everything is rather terrible and everyone is rather awful. We spread the pain, in order that its particular specific causes can no longer be the focus of attention. Our sadness gets, to put it metaphorically, lost in the crowd.

Why is lying to ourselves a problem? We need to tell ourselves the truth when we can, for the simple reason that we often pay a very high price for the short-term calm of our lies. We miss key opportunities for growth and learning. We're not very nice to be around. We develop harmful systems. And not least, the truth will be out.

When we don't let it emerge, it has a tendency to reveal itself through involuntary often physical symptoms. We become insomniac or impotent. An eyelid starts twitching. We acquire a stutter, and scream in our sleep and lose energy. We fall into depression. We owe it to ourselves to dare to start to confront our real nature.


词汇表
flourishing 丰富的，充实的；繁荣的，繁盛的
deception [dɪ'sepʃ(ə)n] 欺骗；骗局，诡计
wide-ranging [ˌwaɪd ˈreɪndʒɪŋ] 多种多样的，覆盖面广的，广泛的
devilish ['dev(ə)lɪʃ] 邪恶的，恶毒的，残忍的
maneuver [məˈnuːvə(r)] 策略，手段，花招
employ [ɪm'plɔɪ] 使用，运用，应用
pull the wool [wʊl] 欺骗，愚弄，蒙蔽
inner confrontation [ˌkɒnfrʌnˈteɪʃ(ə)n] 内心冲突
pornography [pɔː(r)ˈnɒɡrəfi] 色情作品
in and of themselves 本身，就其本质而言
manic cheeriness ['mænɪk][ˈtʃɪərinəs] 狂躁的快乐
cover up 掩饰，掩盖
exaggerated [ɪɡˈzædʒəˌreɪtɪd] 夸张的，夸大的
dose [dəʊs] 量，程度（形容糟糕或不愉快的事）
buried grief [ɡriːf] 埋藏的悲伤
brittle ['brɪt(ə)l] 脆弱的，易碎的
insistent [ɪn'sɪstənt] 坚持的，固执的
Irritability[ˌɪrɪtə'bɪlətɪ] 易怒；兴奋性；过敏性
denied anger [dɪˈnaɪd] 压抑的愤怒
seep out [siːp] 渗透，逐渐转化
generalized [ˈdʒen(ə)rəlaɪzd] 广泛的，普遍的，全面的
TV remote [rɪˈməʊt] 电视遥控器
electricity bill 电费，电费单
set off 引起，激起；使爆发，引爆
denigration [ˌdenɪ'ɡreɪʃ(ə)n] 贬损，贬低；诋毁
intellectual life [ˌɪntəˈlektʃuəl] 知识分子生活
emphatic [ɪmˈfætɪk] 明确表示的，有力的，坚决的
disdain [dɪs'deɪn] 蔑视，鄙视，不屑
go to great lengths 竭尽全力，不遗余力
unconcerned [ˌʌnkənˈsɜː(r)nd] 漠不关心的，不在意的
censoriousness [sen'sɔ:rɪəsnəs] 挑剔，吹毛求疵
censorious [senˈsɔːriəs] 爱挑剔的，吹毛求疵的
condemnation [ˌkɒndemˈneɪʃ(ə)n] 谴责，指责；定罪
ward off 避免，阻挡
condemned [kən'demd] 被认为不当的，受谴责的
deviant [ˈdiːviənt] 反常的，偏离正轨的，变态的
beyond the pale [peɪl] 越轨的，出格的，无法接受的
outrage [ˈaʊtreɪdʒ] 愤怒，愤慨，暴行
shield from [ʃiːld] 避免，使免遭，防止
defensiveness [dɪ'fensɪvnəs] 防御，戒备心理
resort to [rɪˈzɔːt] 诉诸，求助于，采取
diversionary tactic [daɪˈvɜːʃ(ə)n(ə)ri]['tæktɪk] 转移注意力的策略；声东击西，牵制战术
take offense 生气，不悦，被冒犯
arrogance ['ærəɡəns] 傲慢，自大
entitlement [ɪn'taɪt(ə)lmənt] 权利，资格；应得的权利
furious [ˈfjʊəriəs] 狂怒的，暴怒的；激烈的
pile pressure on 施加压力
muddy the waters ['mʌdɪ] 混淆视听，故意把事情弄复杂
at heart 本质上，实质上
cynicism [ˈsɪnɪˌsɪz(ə)m] 愤世嫉俗，悲观主义
despair [dɪˈspeə(r)] 失望，绝望
confront [kənˈfrʌnt] 面对，面临；遭遇
arduous ['ɑ:djuәs] 费力的，艰难的
universalize [ˌju:nɪ'vә:sәlaɪz] 使一般化, 使普遍化
metaphorically [ˌmetəˈfɒrɪklɪ] 隐喻地，比喻地
emerge [ɪˈmɜː(r)dʒ] 浮现，显现，暴露
involuntary [ɪnˈvɒləntəri] 无意识的，不自觉的，非自愿的
insomniac [ɪnˈsɒmniˌæk] 失眠的；失眠患者
impotent [ˈɪmpətənt] 无力的，虚弱的；阳萎的
eyelid ['aɪ.lɪd] 眼睑；眼皮
twitch [twɪtʃ] 抽搐，抽动
stutter[ ˈstʌtə(r)] 口吃，结巴
owe it to oneself 应该，自己理应做

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