YOUNG LOVE｜黑暗中的恋人｜02

YOUNG LOVE

02. All Grownup

It felt like a plane-crash waking up. The black box locked at the back of my head tossed out open. Pandora’s box?  Cliche I know, by the sound of it.

But it does feel that stop thinking is no longer tolerable.  Would you care if I be honest.  

Things we never talked.Things forbid conversations to go beyond polite greetings.Things existed all along and at each and every presence we appear.Things swelled up over the years into a muddy pool of hostile clouds, dutifully casting shadows over our heads, threatening with its sweeping capacity, keeping us from making one small step closer to each other’s reach, no matter how much we secretly desired for it.

Since I got that now my life is a total train wreck. I seriously think it is time to demystify Things. Let them out. So that they can no longer hold us hostage.Is there a better way of doing this exercise other than look directly into the eyes of fear, lift up the corners of the heavy blanket and expose under our noses the dirt. I thought of skeletons in the closet.Yes, that too.I’m sorry I have to write this and future chapters as if it was a half fiction story.So that I feel less stupid and pitiful.Allow me.

Me being honest. I get the suspicion.As honesty would be a mere form of unvetted narrative, a perception subject to whoever reconstructed them, motives beyond reason by its author.My Honesty.I can only promise.I am hoping my old person’s memory doesn’t mess up my brain or the facts all together.

So here we are, all grownup.What does grownups do to be exactly?Yes we frequently found ourselves in each other’s company.We take classes together, we snack junk food together, occasionally we have a beer or two together.You’d lit up a cigarette and pass it on to me.We walk long hours after school, around the campus, outside the campus.The campus, the city.. the planet seemed small up until this point, our paralleled footprints would cover all over its beautiful face like long happy teardrops if we wanted to.

But what else ?What else does grownups do?We try to kiss.One time we found a vacant classroom all to ourselves over a weekend, planned to do some serious study together.We did do some solid homework I’m pretty sure. But then there were lot of chitchats, one thing led to another, we found ourselves in each other’s arms kissing.First kiss!For both of us.So nervous. Lips, teeth, tongues, hands all first timer amateurs engaged oddly in the long desired activity.The door cracked open all of the a sudden.My heart stopped.WTF.It was supposed to be locked and double checked!Why was it not locked?!

I went nuts. Would she tell?What would people think?What was the guy thinking, I can hear people talk, year-on straight A student slash most desired bachelor in the entire school hanging out with the system’s outcast.She’s bringing him down.Everywhere I go I could read those lips.

Given the first kiss has a universal, eventful reputation, it wasn’t supposed to be forgotten, by anyone.Ours was made to be remembered, for this additional unexpected incident.The person who caught us knew us.A classmate of ours, who slammed the door shut quickly after an awkward second of utter shock.

It was when the world was spinning off towards the new millennium,the dot com bubbles received a fully inflated burst in other parts of the world, internet technology in China was only beginning to pick up.What we were doing wasn’t exactly taboo, but it wasn’t supposed to be caught by another soul in public either.

We’ve never done any digging over this critical event, and the effect it had impressed upon us when it comes to intimate behaviours.

作者：黑色风筝

声音：黑色风筝fm

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