《青岚志怪》—酒驾那点事（2）

不料没过几天却出了意外，那天黄大松喝得酪酊大醉，钻进车里，刚把吹风机对准检测管子，就听有人在拍车窗，抬头一瞧，只见黑脸交警唬着脸，气呼呼地说：“好啊，我说最近酒驾怎幺又猖獗起来了，你们真是有绝招啊！”黑脸交警把发现的情况向上级做了汇报，不久，生产紫箛咒的外国科研人员改良了仪器，如今仪器能辦别出吹气的是活人还是吹凤机。黄大松懊恼了好几天，这都怪自己大意啊！但即使仪器性能提高了，要对付它还是有办法的，黄大松和小孙几个人研究了半天，发现仪器不能分辦吹气的人是谁，于是每次出去喝酒，黄大松就拉上个不喝酒的朋友，让他帮白己吹气，轻松蒙过了紧籀兒。但老找人帮忙吹气很不方便，有时偶尔出去喝酒，找不到人帮着吹，还是个难题。

有一次，朋友送了黄大松一只小京巴狗，这只京巴十分聪明，让坐就坐，让站就站，还能学人作揖。黄大松出门时；经常把小京巴带在车上，时间二久，京巴见黄大松老往一根管子里吹气，竟然学会了这个动作。                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         这天，黄大松刚打开车门，小京巴竟然蹿上车，把狗嘴拱进管子里，“呼哧呼味”地模仿黄大松吹气。黄大松一愣，不禁哈哈大笑起来，谁知笑声没落，车子的发动机一响，车竟然启动了！原来这仪器竞然分辦不出人和狗吹出的气！黄大松先是一呆，随即兴奋地抱着小京巴转了好几圈：“哈哈，老天爷给了我一只神狗啊！从此每次上酒场，黄大松都把狗带上，帮自己吹气发动车子，他还给狗起名叫〝大胆”，他的座右铭就是：只要胆子大，紧箍咒也不怕。有了“大胆”的帮忙，黄大松横行酒场，大杀四方。为了更好地训练“大胆”，“大胆”每吹完一次气，黄大松就会掏出酒桌上带回的烤鸡排骨，犒赏“大胆”，吃得膘肥体胖的“大胆”也更尽心，一上车，就主动用小爪子抓着管子那头的面罩，一个劲地吹。黄大松为自己的发明洋洋得意：中国人就是聪明啊，那些发明紧箍咒的老外哪里想得到这么高的招呢？乐极生悲，一个雨夜，两斤白酒下肚的黄大松摇晃着上了车，“大胆”立即吹响了发动机，车子上了路。不久黄大松酒劲上涌，车子在路上写起了“之”字，在一个转弯处，前方突然出现了一辆大货车，随着一声剧烈的撞击声，黄大松只觉得自己飞到了天上，落下来后，便失去了知觉。

醒来时，黄大松浑身剧痛，发现自己全身缠满绷带，被固定在夾板里，口鼻上戴着氧气面罩。这时，他耳边响起一个声音：“大夫，这人没事吧？”“伤势不轻啊，幸好你们送来得早，不然就•那人说：“算这小子走运，今晚我值班，正好巡逻到那段•…可是奇怪，他喝成这样，车上的紧箍咒怎么会允许他发动车子呢？黄大松听出来了，说话的正是那个黑脸交警。他苦笑着想，就算黑脸交警想破脑袋，也想不到自己是用狗发动的车子。一会儿，黑脸交警和大夫都出去了，黄大松迷迷糊糊地刚要人睡，就感到有个热乎乎的东西在舔自己的脸。他努力睁眼一瞧，发现竟然是“大胆”，在车祸中，“大胆”奇迹般地毫发无损！黄大松全身骨头剧痛，心烦意乱，想张嘴叫“大胆”到一边去，却发不出声音。就在这时，"大胆”突然显得急躁起来，用爪无子不住地扒着黄大松的脸。黄大松吓坏了，心想这狗是不是疯了？任凭黄大松挣扎哼哼，可是“大胆”依旧不依不饶，终于，它扒下了黄大松口鼻上的氧气呼吸面罩，然后把自己的狗嘴拱进去，“呼哧呼味”吹起了气。原来，“大胆”以为那个氧气面罩是发动车子的吹气管哩！向里面吹气是自己的工作，怎么能劳驾主人呢？为了那些烤鸡排骨，胆〞奋力地朝管子里吹起气来，而黄大松只觉得自己的呼吸越来越艰难，眼前发花，手脚冰冷。

不久后，市有关部门宣布遏制酒驾的〝紧箛咒计划”失败，原因很简单：中国的司机都大太、太聪明了，再先进的仪器都对付不了他们。而黄大松由于氧气面罩脱落，大脑长时间缺氧，造成了半截身子瘫痪，不过唯一的好处是，如今他喝酒后出门，再也不怕交警了，因为他现在的车子没人会查，那是—辆崭新的轮椅。