【美国电台节目】更孝顺，可以多分到遗产吗？

TRANSCRIPT

TAGLE: OK, Lindsay. Here isour question.

(Reading) Dear LIFE KIT, myhusband and I took care of my elderly stepfather until he passed away. He hadno biological children, and I have been in charge of his affairs for severalyears. Twice a week, every week, I drive over 100 miles round trip to see him.I went to doctor appointments with him. I was with him a full week in thehospital and by his side when he passed away in hospice. And it was me thatplanned his memorial service.

My siblings hardly ever cameto visit him. And now that he's gone, it seems like they can't wait for theirinheritance. They're also just so rude to me. And, frankly, I'm embarrassed bytheir greed. He didn't need to leave us a penny, especially after he took careof our mother for over 40 years. It seems like they didn't love him the way Idid, yet they're going to receive the same amount of money as me. The wholething has been keeping me up at night. What should I do? 

So I just want to say to theletter writer, I am so sorry about your stepfather's passing, and I'm also sothankful that he had you there. It sounds like your relationship must have beenquite good for you to be getting there a couple of times a week and taking careof him and honoring his memory with the memorial service. But this type ofquestion comes up all the time when it comes to inheritances and who gets whatand what's fair and what's not fair. So this letter writer is not alone infeeling confused and frustrated and a little bit unsure of what to do.

TAGLE: Gotcha. So the firstbig question for you - it seems like this writer is implying she should getmore money because she had a stronger relationship with her stepfather. Myquestion for you, Lindsay, should she?

BRYAN-PODVIN: Mmm, Andee, it's such a good question. And what I want tosay is that so often, as humans, we conflate money with a bunch of otherthings. Oftentimes we associate money with power or control. But the realityis that love and money are not a proxy for one another. And the stepfather madea conscientious decision to give each of his stepchildren an equal amount. Andwhether or not you think that's fair or right or equitable, sadly - ortruthfully - it just - it doesn't matter. That was his wishes. And what we haveto do in this situation is honor the legacy that he wanted to leave for thekids.

TAGLE: Worth does not equalmoney. Money does not equal love. I feel like that will resonate with a lot ofpeople and is easier said than done sometimes, especially in situations likethese. But I hear them. I hear that lack of fairness.

Should our writer talk aboutthese feelings with their siblings? You know, should she bring it up? Is itworth it? Is it worth calling them out or trying to redistribute the pot insome way?

BRYAN-PODVIN: Mmm - so is itworth trying to redistribute the pot? Honestly, I really think it's very rarefor it to be worth it to redistribute the money because that means having toget lawyers involved, having to go to court, having to prove that, potentially,the stepfather was not in a wise or a competent state of mind when he wrote hiswill and trust. And it sounds to me like this was written far previous tohis...

TAGLE: Right.

BRYAN-PODVIN: ...Healthdeclining. 

We can't rewind the hands of time. We can't make the siblings go driveto the stepfather now that he is no longer there. She can't get back the timethat she already spent there.

And at this point in time,the money's already distributed. It has already been set up to be split up inequal parts. And whether the letter writer feels like it's right or wrong, doyou really want to spend the next five, 10, 15 years in court fighting to get alittle bit more in fighting with your siblings so they get a little bit less?

TAGLE: What makes it so hardto talk about money with family? Why is it so fraught? I know this is a verybig, broad question, but any - yeah (laughter).

BRYAN-PODVIN: It's a hugequestion, Andee (laughter). How much time do we have? So money stuff is soawkward, so taboo in our culture. So research shows that people are more likelyand more willing to say I'd rather talk about sex, politics than to talk aboutmoney at the dinner table, which is wild when you think about how intense sexand politics have gotten over the past few years here in our country. But thereality is there is this giant taboo hanging over money, which is so bizarre tome, because every single one of the listeners today has a relationship withmoney. We earn it, we spend it, we loan it, we lend it, and yet it's very rarethat we talk about it. We have not beentaught to talk about money from an emotional standpoint. And when you grow upin a household and in a culture that tells you that money is impolite and tabooand it's not something that you should talk about, it's really hard to bring upthe basics, like how much are you earning in your job or what is a good salaryor how much did you pay for that car, or in this instance, what are we going toleave to our kids 

TAGLE: Do you have anyhard and fast rules when it comes to family finances? Is that just talk aboutit more, talk about it as often as you can?

BRYAN-PODVIN: Yes, talk aboutit more. Make sure that you have an understanding of who is responsible forwhat. There have been many instances where parents just made assumptions about- that when their kids went off to college, that their kids would pay for it,whereas the kids thought, oh, mom and dad have this ready for me to go, right?

TAGLE: Oof (ph).

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