社恐+尴尬癌晚期？心理学家戳穿真相：是你戏太多【精英】（订阅+关注，五星好评）

周一到周五每天早上8：30更新，点击订阅+关注+五星好评，谢谢支持！

【主讲人】Jordan B. Peterson 乔丹·彼德森
加拿大多伦多大学心理学教授。被称为是当今最具争议性和话题度的学者。主要研究领域是异常心理、社会心理的和人格心理学，特别是宗教信仰和思想体系方面的心理学以及个人性格的评估和改进。

【背景介绍】
社交恐惧症的根源是“自恋”，即对自我意志的过度关注。因过度关注环境对自己的评价而退缩，以至于无法接受外界的信息。
解决方法是把注意力从自己身上移开，在社交时去关注别人，去关注外界发生的不寻常的事，接收外部信息。其实就是把注意力放在“社交这件事”上，而不是自己的“面子”上。以下是演讲节选。

【双语演讲稿】
Let's say you're socially anxious, so what happens when you're socially anxious? You go to a party your heart's beating, why? The party is a monster, why? Cuz it's judging you and putting you low down the doninance hierarchy, cuz that's what a negative judgement is. And that interferes with your sexual success and that means that you're being harshly evaluated by nature itself, right? So you are confronting the "dragon of chaos", when you go into the social situation. And so what do you do?
假设你有社交恐惧症，那么当你社恐的时候会发生什么呢？你去参加一个派对，你紧张得心怦怦跳，为什么？因为这个派对就是个“怪兽”，为什么？因为这个“怪兽”在对你进行评判，它会把你置于社会等级的最底层，而消极的评判就是这样。而这则会阻碍你在“性”上面的成功，而这也就意味着：对你进行残酷评判的不是别人，正是大自然本身。所以，当你进入一个社交环境的时候，你所面对的其实是一直“混乱之龙”。这个时候你会怎么办呢？

You're like this, right? You hunch over and that's low dominance. I'm no threat. It's like: well that's not gonna get you very far, but that's a logical thing to do in the face of a tyrant. So i'm not threat. You look at the king and you're dead. I'm no threat. I'm hunched over and then what's happening internally...How are... what are people thinking about me? What are people thinking about me? Am I looking stupid? Am I looking foolish? Jeez I'm awkward. I hate being here. Man I'm sweating too much. It's all internalized right? It's all self-focused. The eye isn't work, the eye isn't working!
你会像我这样做，对吧？你弯下腰低下头，而这是一种“低等”的表现。你想传达的是：我不具有任何威胁。你想的是：我就这样弱弱地待着，“稳稳地幸福”就行。如果你面对的那个人是个暴君，那么你这样做是合理的。这种情况下，你表现得人畜无害，毕竟你看一眼暴君，你就死定了。我真人畜无害呦，我就这样弯着腰低着头。然后，你的内心活动是这样的：大家会怎么想我？大家会怎么看带我？我看起来是不是很沙雕？我是不是看起来很傻？天哪，我好尴尬啊。我讨厌待在这里。糟糕，我在不断地出汗。这其实都是你的内心戏，对不？你的专注点都在你自己身上。你的眼睛这时候也不好用了。啥也看不清楚了。

 What do you tell people? Stop thinking about yourself cuz you can't, it's like don't think of a white elephant. White elephant. White elephant. White elephant. You can't tell someone to stop thinking about something, because they get caught in the loop. What you do with socially anxious people is you say: "look at other people. Look at them." Why? Cuz if you look at them you can tell what they're thinking. And then unless you're terribly socialized, and some people are, some people have no social skills. And the reason they can't go to a party is cuz they don't even know how to introduce themselves, like no one ever taught them how to behave. And so they're really good candidates for behavior therapy, cuz you walk them through the process of how you actually manifest the procedures that are associated with social acceptability.
对于这种人，我们应该跟他们说什么？“别老想你自己了，你这样可不行”？你说这句话就跟你说“别想一只白色的大象”一样。然后那个人会忍不住在大脑里把“白色大象”想三遍。你不能跟一个社恐的人说：别去想某件事情了。因为那个人大脑已陷入死循环了，会忍不住去想。针对社恐人群，你应该说的是：“去看别的人。去看着他们。”为什么？因为当你看着他们的时候，你就知道他们在想什么了。之后的话，除非你的社交能力真的是糟糕到极点了，实际上确实存在这样的人，他们完全没有任何社交技巧。这类人他们无法去参加派对的原因是因为，他们压根就不知道该怎么自我介绍，就好像他们这辈子从来没人教过他们社交技巧一样。对于这类极度患者来说，最好的疗法是行为疗法。在行为疗法中你带他们亲身经历一遍社交的过程，让他们体会一下社交的过程究竟是怎样的。

But most people aren't like that they have the ability. So if they're really introverted in neuroticism, they can usually talk quite well to someone one-on-one. Why? Cuz they look at them. Well if I look at you, it's another thing to do if you're ever speaking a group of people. Never speak to "the group of people", that (a group of people) doesn't exist. You talk to individuals, and then they reflect for you the entire group cuz they're all entrained. If you look at one person, they broadcast to you what everyone's thinking. And you know how to talk to one person. So it's easy.
但其实大部分人并不是极度社恐患者，这部分人是具有一定社交能力的。这类人你别看有时候非常的内向，他们跟某些人一对一聊起天来可顺畅了。为什么？因为他们在看着别人。如果我这样看着你的话，当然，当你面对一群人讲话的时候，情况又会不同了。永远别想对着“一群人”说话，因为压根就没有“一群人”这个概念。你必须跟某个人去讲话，这些“个体”会反映出整个群体对你的态度，因为他们都是相关联的。如果你看着某个人，这个人其实就为你“直播”了其余每个人的想法。你已经知道该如何和一个人讲话了，和“一群人”交流就不在话下了。

So as soon as you focus on the person not you, you push your attention outward. Ues your eye, you push your attention outward. And you start watching, well then all your automatic mechanisms kick in and you stop being awkward cuz if we're talking and I'm looking here, I don't know what you're gonna do next. And i'm gonna put disjuctions into the... like, there like a bad chords in the melody of our conversation and the reason is I'm not paying attention. So that's why the eye is the thing at the top of the pyramid. It's like the thing that enables you to win the set of all possible dominant hierarchy is the eye. Pay attention. That's the critical issue.
所以，只要你把注意力放在外人身上，而不是你身上，你就会把你的注意力发散出去。利用你的眼睛，把你的注意力都发散出去。然后你开始观察，这时候你身体的各种自动机制就会被调动起来，然后你自然就不会觉得尴尬了，如果我在和别人聊天的时候还是弯腰低头，我就不知道接下来该怎么办了。这样的话，我其实在我和别人的对话中制造了一个断层。这个断层就像一段旋律中的难听的和弦一样。产生断层的原因就是我没有集中注意力（在和你社交的人身上），这也就是为什么眼睛是我们最重要的器官。我们的眼睛才是那个帮助我们爬到社会等级顶端的最重要的器官。一定要保持专注。这才是问题的关键所在。

That's why the Egyptians worshipped Horus. That's why Horus was the thing that rescue those Cyrus from the depth. It's the capacity to pay attention. What do you pay attention to most? What your right hemisphere signals as anomalous? It attracts your attention like this isn't going quite right. I'm not looking at that. Wrong! That's what you look at. That's the terrible monster that might eat you. But it's also the place you get all the information, that's why it's useful to have discussions with yout enemies. Cuz they will tell you things you do not know and that's such a great thing. Buecase if you don't know them, well you're not very smart are you? 
这也是为什么古埃及人非常崇拜荷鲁斯。这就是为什么荷鲁斯能够从深渊处救出了塞勒斯。这就是“保持专注”的功效。你应该在什么事情上最能够保持专注呢？想想看那些事情会被你的右半大脑识别为反常？是那些不太对劲的事情，它们能够引起你的注意力。而你却选择不去关注这件事情。错了！那些“不对劲”的事才是你该关注的。那些“不对劲”的事情就是那些能够“吃掉你的‘怪兽’”，但同时，正是从这些“不对劲”的事情中你可以获取到所有的信息。所以，这也是为什么“和你的敌人进行讨论”是件很有用的事情。因为你的敌人会告诉你一些你不知道的事情，这是很有好处的。因为如果你不知道这些事，说明你不够聪明，对吧？

You know there may be a time when you go somewhere, that's the thing you need to know! And maybe your enemy will tell you why you're such a fool. You know and a bunch of other things that aren't true too, but even one thing that's accurate, it's like: yeah thanks very much man. Maybe I'll do some work on that and I won't have to carry that forward. So that's part of the person... again why that terrible predator, it's always the terrible predator that has the gold. It's the person who delivers the message you do not wanna hear. So it's rough, it's rough. But it doesn't matter, life is rough.
可能在人生的某个阶段你需要朝某个方向前进，这才是你应该知道的有价值的事情！你的敌人也可能告诉你为什么你是一个蠢货。以及其他一些根本就是在扯淡的事情。但只要有一件事是准确的，你就应该好好谢谢你的敌人们。因为你会因此而改正，从此以后就不会再犯这个错误了。这也是为什么那些可怕的猎食者能够成为可怕的捕猎者并且能够拥有财富的部分原因。因为他们听取了那些“逆耳”的“忠言”。我知道这很难，非常难。但其实这也没什么，毕竟人生总是这么艰难。