23. Talking to strangers

‘It’s good to talk’, so some people say. When I commute into London, there are certainly plenty of people conversing on their mobile phones – sometimes too loudly – discussing and sharing personal details with a friend. For me, it’s strange that they talk as though the person is sitting next to them, when they don’t even acknowledge the person who is actually sitting beside them.

Many of us spend part of each day surrounded by strangers, whether on our daily commute, or sitting in a park or a cafe. But most of them remain just that – strangers. However, new evidence has shown that plucking up the courage to strike up a conversation might be good for our health.

Nicholas Epley from the University of Chicago and Juliana Schroeder from the University of California are behavioural scientists. They looked at this silent relationship and whether solitude is a more positive experience than interacting with strangers, or if people misunderstand the consequences of distant social connections. They found that many people feel uncomfortable and intimidated talking to others and their research suggested that when we make an initial conversation “we consistently underestimate how much a new person likes us.” It seems we carry a negative voice in our head telling us all the things that could go wrong and why someone wouldn’t want to converse with us.

Their research involved an experiment with a group of Chicago commuters and found that “every participant in our experiment who actually tried to talk to a stranger found the person sitting next to them was happy to chat.” From this and other research, the conclusion is that connecting with strangers is surprisingly pleasant and it has a positive impact on our wellbeing. Gillian Sandstrom, a social psychologist from Essex University in the UK, told the BBC that “people are in a better mood after they reach out and have a conversation, however minimal.” It’s true that talking can make you feel happier and happiness can lead to better mental health.

However, if you’re an introvert, the thought of speaking to someone new might make you anxious. But the American research found “both extroverts and introverts are happier when they are asked to behave in an extroverted manner.” So maybe, if you’re a loner, it’s time to come out of your shell and make some small talk with a stranger – it could be the beginning of a new friendship.