45.Chapter 157(4)-英文小说

45.Chapter 157(4)-英文小说

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And Roger told me that he and Eileen weren't in love with one another anymore, and that they hadn'tbeen in love with one another for a long time. Which meant that he was feeling lonely too. So we had a lotin common. And then we realized that we were in love with one another. And he suggested that I shouldleave your father and that we should move into a house together. But I said that I couldn't leave you, andhe was sad about that but he understood that you were realy important to me.


And then you and me had that argumant Do you remember? It was about your supper one evening. I'dcooked you something and you wouldn't eat it. And you hadn't eaten for days and days and you werelooking so thin. And you started to shout and I got cross and I threw the food across the room. Which Iknow I shouldn't have done. And you grabbed the chopping board and you threw that and it hit my footand broke my toes. Then, of course, we had to go to the hospital and I had that plaster put on my foot.And afterward, at home, your father and I had a huge argumant. He blamed me for getting cross withyou. And he said I should just give you what you wanted, even if it was just a plate of lettuce or astrawberry milk shake. And I said I was just trying to get you to eat something healthy. And he said youcouldn't help it. And I said well I couldn't help it either and I just lost my rag. And he said that if he couldkeep his temper then I should bloody well keep my temper. And it went on and on like this.






And I couldn't walk properly for a month, do you remember, and your father had to look after you. And Iremember looking at the two of you and seeing you together and thinking how you were really differantwith him. Much calmer. And you didn't shout at one another. And it made me so sad because it was likeyou didn't really need me at all. And somehow that was even worse than you and me arguing all the timebecause it was like I was invisible.


And I think that was when I realized you and your father were probably better off if I wasn't living in thehouse. Then he would only have one person to look after instead of two.


Then Roger said that he had asked the bank for a transfer. That means he asked them if he could have ajob in London, and he was leaving. He asked me if I wanted to come with him, I thought about it for along time, Christopher. Honestly, I did. And it broke my heart, but eventualy I decided it would be betterfor all of us if I went. So I said yes.


I meant to say goodbye. I was going to come back and pick up some clothes when you were back fromschool. And that was when I was going to explain what I was doing and say that I would come back andsee you as often as I could and you could come down to London sometimes to stay with us. But when Irang your father he said I couldn't come back. He was really angry. He said I couldn't talk to you, I didn'tknow what to do. He said that I was being selfish and that I was never to set foot inside the house again.So I haven't. But I have written you these letters instead.

I wonder if you can understand any of this. I know it will be very difficult for you. But I hope you canunderstand a little.


Christopher, I never meant to hurt you. I thought that what I was doing was the best for all of us. I hope itis. And I want you to know that this is not your fault.


I used to have dreams that everything would get better. Do you remember, you used to say that youwanted to be an astranaut? Well, I used to have dreams where you were an astranaut and you were onthe television and I thought that's my son. I wonder what it is that you want to be now. Has it changed?Are you still doing maths? I hope you are.


Please, Christopher, write to me sometime, or ring me on the telephone. The numbers at the top of theletter.






Love and kisses,Your Motherxxxxxx

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