EFA:Rejections

Of all the emotional wounds we suffer in life, rejections is perhaps the most common

The psychological wounds rejection inflicts 4 wounds

1- emotional pain

Why would emotional pain of getting rejected hurt so bad
• evolutionary past
◦ Being rejected from our tribe or social group would have meant loosing access to food , making it extremely difficult to survive


The same brain region get activated when we experience rejection as we experience physical pain

Ex: romantic rejection

Romantic rejection are especially potent when to comes scrambling our brains and tampering with our good judgement


2) anger and aggression

Rejections often trigger anger and aggressive impulses that cause us to feel a powerful urge to lash out


3) damaged self-esteem

We tend to have a tendency to take rejection too personallly and to draw conclusions about our shortcoming



4) threatening our needs to belong



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How to treat the psychological wounds rejection inflicts

The risk of leaving our emotional wounds unattended can be profound

But not all rejections require emotional first aid

A) managing self criticism
• write down any neg self-critical thoughts
• List counter arguments

(Romantic): bad timing, personal or professional hurdle
When people say “its not you ,its me” BELIEVE THEM

(Social): sometimes we outgrown our social groups . It is okay, friends dont hangout anymore, different timing and circumstances




B)reviving self worth

Write down some of your most valued characteristics

Answer a few of these questions

“Why the specific quality is important to you”
“How this attribute influence your life”
“Why this attribute is an important part of your self image”




C)replenishing social connections and feelings

Spend
time with friends or support group can be very helpful

“Social snack”
• looks at meaningful photos, email ,




D) lowering sensitivity
Do them often

A guy scared to ask girls out, ask 9 women out in one week

The important thing is “limited time frame’




When to ask for professional help
• when you are being rejected by profound groups, your family, your religion
• When harmonic rejection over a period of time
• If your anger and agrees I’ve impulses have become too personal, thought of harming yourself