亲，“北京比基尼”半点儿都不酷!‘Beijing bikini’ not a cool look, guys

Disclaimer: The writer is a socially awkward and emotionallystunted Canadian whose high school graduation class voted him “most likely tobe found dead in a cheap hotel room.” Since he is barely capable of dressinghimself, any inference of sartorial acumen in the following commentary shouldbe taken under advisement.

免责声明：本文作者是一个不擅社交，情商又低的加拿大人。他曾在高中毕业时，被班级同学票选为“最有可能被发现死在廉价旅社的人。”因为他几乎不会打扮自己，因此在以下评论中，任何关于正确装扮的推论都请慎重采纳。

As summer’s swelter envelops Beijing like an endless strip ofsweat-soaked gauze, it’s painfully apparent that this great city, blessed withsome of the most beautiful and stylish women on the planet, is also home to anexpanding legion of dorky men who believe the ideal way to beat the heat is toroll up their trousers to knee level and hike their shirts above their beerbellies.

北京的夏天闷热得像被一条无尽的湿纱布包裹着。可悲的是，这座有幸拥有地球上最时尚靓丽女性的伟大城市，也是一群愚蠢男人的容身之地。这些人认为消暑的最好方法是把裤腿卷至膝盖，把衬衫撩至啤酒肚上方。而现在，这样的人却越来越多。

Sad, but true.

虽然令人不悦，但这就是事实。

Let’s state the obvious: Any man who feels compelled toadvertise his love of pijiu by transforming a shirt and pants into theubiquitous ‘Beijing bikini’ should be embarrassed. What is the thought processhere, guys? Are you simply too cheap to spring for normal hot-weather attire,or are you genuinely convinced that ‘slovenly’ equates to ‘cool’?

说得再明白点：任何一个把衬衫和裤子穿成了现在随处可见的“北京比基尼”的男人，都应该对他这种“示爱”啤酒的行为感到难为情。先生，请问您到底是怎么想的？难道您真的吝啬到连正常的夏装都不买的程度了吗，还是您的确认为“不修边幅”就等于“酷”？

As a fellow fashion-challenged misfit with a decades-long reputationfor inappropriate dress, I can see how rolled-up trousers and half a shirtmight be a comfortable combination while stumbling home after a night ofbarroom debauchery – but definitely not on a bustling sidewalk in the middle ofthe afternoon … and especially not in mixed company.

作为一个有着几十年衣着不当的名声，同样与当下时尚格格不入的人，我能明白在酒吧放纵一夜后摇摇晃晃地回家的时候，裤子和衬衫半卷着的搭配有多么舒服。但这身打扮绝对不应出现在下午时分繁忙的人行道上……尤其不应该出现在有异性的场合中。

That goes double for taxi drivers.

对于出租车司机，更应严加禁止。

On a recent scorching Saturday at Lido Park, a friend and Icounted 13 BB-clad guys. Most were flying solo, but the few sorry sapsaccompanied by female companions were totally oblivious to their lady’sunmistakable reticence to engage in close contact. In every instance, the wifeor girlfriend was smartly dressed, which only served to spotlight a visualdichotomy almost as wretch-inducing as the emasculated puppy dogs thatdutifully tote their woman’s purse or the cooing couples who insist on wearingmatching outfits.

在最近一个炎热的周六，我和一个朋友在丽都公园（Lido Park）共发现了13个穿成“北京比基尼”的家伙。这些人大多独自成行，但有少数几位可怜人是与女伴同行。这些人十分清楚他们的女伴很明显不愿与其进行亲密接触。他们每个人的妻子或女朋友的时尚穿着，只会让人感受到强烈的视觉对比。就像一边是坚持穿情侣装的如胶似漆的一对儿情侣，另外一边确是一个男人就像被去势的小狗一样悲催，尽职尽责地提着他们女人的包。

Not that I’m without empathy. As holder of China Daily’sunofficial title of ‘worst dressed foreigner’ for four straight years, woefulwardrobe choices have become something of a personal trademark. My favoritecolor combo is black with camouflage, and I figure a sleeveless T-shirt(preferably adorned with a politically incorrect slogan or image), track pantsand a Yankees baseball cap are perfectly acceptable as formal wear. But I havea perfectly plausible excuse: I’m old and beyond hope. And unlike proponents ofthe ‘Bejing bikini,’ I have no delusions about my image in the mirror – or inthe eyes of passers-by.

并不是说我没有同情心。作为连续四年中国日报（China Daily）“穿着最糟外国人”非官方称号的得主，糟糕的着装选择已经成为了我的个人标志。我最喜欢的颜色搭配是黑色加迷彩。我也认为无袖T恤(最好是带有政治不正确的口号或图片)，裤子和洋基棒球帽在正式场合是完全可以接受的。但我有一个合情合理的理由: 因为我已经老了，也没什么希望了。不像“北京比基尼”的支持者，我对自己在镜子里或者路人眼里的形象没有错误幻想。

So take it from one of your own; it’s a simple question ofoptics. There’s a subtle difference between dressing casually and dressing likeyou’re auditioning for a guest shot on Homeless but Happy.

所以，看看你自己身上有没有这样的问题；这其实是一个简单的视觉问题。穿得随意和穿得像是给开心的流浪汉试镜一样，只有微妙的差别。

But hey, don’t take my word for it. Just ask all those prettyladies that are keeping their distance.

但是，别全信我的话。还是去问问那些与之保持距离的漂亮女士们吧。