时至今日，父亲仍希望我是小公主--My father wants me to be a princess, even now

Moments before I could lift my case to put it in the plane’s overhead locker ahead of our recent holiday to mainland Europe, my father gently urged me to stop. He held the thick handles of the case and lifted it with his thin arms, pushing it into place with a sigh.

“You should relax and be the lady, and let me do the heavy tasks,” he said in a serious tone. “In the future, someone special will come into your life and take over such tasks from me, but that will never happen if you do everything yourself.”

I was stunned into silence. This was not the father I remembered from childhood, who trained me to study hard at school, asked me to earn my own pocket money as a teenager at a local coffee shop, and even taught me household chores so my life alone in London wouldnot turn into a mess.

And now, eight years after I left home and started a new life in the UK, I for the first time realized that dad still has expectations for me to be a princess, to maintain some dependency and vulnerability, which are considered virtues of women in traditional China.

Well, that came a little late. Little did dad know, that, over the three years of my university life I had moved flats five times all by myself, one time dragging suitcases of books and clothes onto a bus and repeating the journey twice, and another time holding tight onto cardboard boxes while waiting for the taxi that would stop them being soaked in the rain.

I thought dad would have been proud of me. Dad, who was born in the 1960s in rural Sichuan to poor factory workers, fought hard to receive a decent education and later started his own business from nothing.

As a truly self-made man, he intuitively taught me to fight for success. That was usual in China in the 90s when Sichuan was rapidly urbanizing, with opportunities booming across all industries, and hard-working attitudes were taught to children of my generation right from kindergarten.

But despite all that, China’s subtle appreciation of traditional femininity has never quite gone. Maybe dad remembered those values as he suddenly realized the kid he once trained in a strict way had turned into a young woman.

Dad’s education of me is often full of contractions and surprises, just like China as a country, with unprecedented changes is also full of contradictions and surprises.

Meanwhile, living in the UK, a country currently led by a female prime minister, I have never thought there is anything girls cannot do. Most of my female friends are professionals working in the City of London, and, after work, we frequently go down to the pub for a drink, just like the lads do – something my mother never did.

London also has many female role models for me. I still remember the way Dame Fiona Woolf campaigned with such passion for female equality in the workplace during her year as Lord Mayor of the City of London three years ago.

I wondered how I might make dad understand the new world his little girl has entered. Perhaps, one day dad will realize the “someone special” in my life will appreciate my confidence above dependence and admit that times have changed.

最近，在去欧洲大陆度假的途中，当我要把行李箱放上飞机座位上方的行李架上时，父亲轻轻地阻止了我。他叹了口气，接过行李手柄，抬起自己干瘦的臂膀，把我的行李箱举了上去。

“你应该在一边歇着，当一个淑女，重活留给我来做。”他严肃地说道：“以后，你会遇到自己生命中那个特别的人，他会从我手中接管这些差事。什么都自己来干的话，就不会有人来帮你了。”

我一时惊住了，不知作何回答。这不是我儿时记忆中的父亲，他原来教导我在学校刻苦学习，等我长大些后，他让我去当地的咖啡店里打工赚零花钱，甚至教我做家务以便等我到了伦敦，独自一人生活时，日子不至于搅成一团乱麻。

现在，自从我离开家来到英国开启全新生活已经有八年之久，我第一次意识到，父亲心中仍是希望我是名公主，带点依懒，带点脆弱，这都是中国传统女子应有的品德。

不过，这告诫来得有些晚了。父亲可能并不清楚，在三年大学生活当中，我搬了五次家，而且全是靠自己一个人。有一次，我拖着装满书本衣物的行李箱爬上公交，这样来回跑了两趟。还有一次，下着大雨，我紧紧地抱着怀里的纸箱，站在路边等的士，想着不要把东西淋湿。

我本以为父亲会为我骄傲。我的父亲，出生于四川农村，上世纪六十年代生人，父母均是贫穷工人。他自己刻苦努力，争取到了良好的教育，随后白手起家，开创事业。

很自然地，白手起家的父亲教会了我要为成功而奋斗。这在上个世纪九十年代，四川城市化快速发展时期非常常见。因为当时各行各业都有很多发展机会，我们这个年代的孩子，自幼儿园起，就被教导要秉承刻苦奋斗的精神。

尽管如此，中国对于女性传统美德的推崇从未消失。也许父亲是看到自己曾经严格要求的女儿已经摇身一变，长成了一位年轻女子，才又想起了这些传统品德的存在。

父亲对我的教导常常充满着矛盾与惊奇，就好比中国这个国家，在经历前所未有的变化时，也到处充满着矛盾与惊奇。

与此同时，在英国，一个由女性领导的国家生活，我从没有想过有哪些事情是女性做不到的。我大部分的女性朋友都在伦敦城从事专业工作。下班之后，我们也经常一起到小酒馆里一起喝一杯，同男人做的没什么两样。但我母亲就不见得做过这样的事了。

在伦敦，我有许多女性榜样。我现在还记得，三年前，菲奥娜·伍尔夫女爵（DameFiona Woolf）担任伦敦金融城市长期间，以莫大的激情支持职业女性平等运动。

我在想，要如何让父亲对自己女儿进入的新世界有所了解。也许某一天，父亲会意识到，我生命中“特别”的那个人会喜欢我的自信，而不是依赖，并且他也认可，时代已经变了。