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Lesson Seven
Some Meanings of Authentic Love
Gerald Correy & Marianne Schneider Correy
 Learning Guide
　　爱是文艺作品永恒的主题，是人们永远关心的话题。爱是何物 ? 它为什么受到古今中外文人雅士的歌颂，男女老少锲而不舍的追求，哲学家潜心的探索 ? 为什么人人都渴望真爱，却又都抱怨说真爱难觅 ? 追求爱的人们未必懂得真爱的含义。爱究竟包含那些内容 ? 这里两位作者提出的见解可能会帮助我们澄清一些模糊的对爱的概念。
1. So far, we've discussed mostly what we think love is not. Now we'd like to share some of the positive meanings love has for us.


2. Love means that I know the person I love. ①I'm aware of the many sides of the other person — not just the beautiful side but also the limitations, inconsistencies and flaws. ②I have an awareness of the other's feelings and thoughts, and ③I experience something of the core of that person. I can penetrate social masks and roles and see the other person on a deeper level.


　　① I am aware of many sides of other person-not just the beautiful side but also the limitations, inconsistencies and flaws. 
　　　I know many sides of the other person, his good and bad points, merits and shortcomings. 
　　② I have an awareness of the other's feelings and thoughts. 
　　　I can see into his heart and mind. 
　　③ I experience something of the core of that person. I can penetrate social masks and roles and see the other person on a deeper level. 
　　　我体验到那个人身上某种本质的东西。我能透过对方社交场合表现和在社会上所担当的角色，看到他更内在的东西。 
　　　I have a deeper knowledge of another person, and can see the essential qualities of that person's personality beneath how he (she ) behaves in public and what functions he (she) performs in the society.
3. Love means that I care about the welfare of the person I love. ①To the extent that it is genuine, my caring is not a smothering of the person or a possessive clinging. On the contrary, my caring liberates both of us. If I care about you, ②I'm concerned about your growth, and I hope you will become all that you can become. ③Consequently, I don't put up roadblocks to what you do that enhances you as a person, even though it may result in my discomfort at times.


　　① To the extent that it is genuine, my caring is not a smothering of the person or a possessive clinging. 
　　　只要我的关心是真诚的，我的关心对我所爱的人就不会是一种压制，也不是一种占有性的依附。 
　　　To the degree that my caring for him(her) is sincere, which will not make him (her) uncomfortable, or feel that he (she) should love me only. 
　　② …I'm concerned about your growth, and I hope you will become all that you can become. 
　　　I care about your growth and hope that you will bring your ability to a full play. 
　　③ Consequently, I don't put uproadblocks to what you do that enhances you as a person, even though it may result in my discomfort at times.
　　　因此，对你为完善自己人格所做的一切，我决不设置障碍，即使你做的事情有时会让我不舒服。 
　　　As a result, I won't do anything that will prevent you from improving yourself, even though it will sometimes cause my discomfort.
4. Love means having respect for the dignity of the person I love. If I love you, I can see you as a separate person, with your own values and thoughts and feelings, ①and I do not insist that you surrender your identity and conform to an image of what I expect you to be for me. ②I can allow and encourage you to stand alone and to be who you are, and I avoid treating you as an object or using you primarily to gratify my own needs.


　　① …and I do not insist that you surrender your identity and conform to an image of what I expect you to be for me. 
　　　我不会要你放弃你的特性，而为了我，把自己塑造成我期望你成为的那种人。 
　　　I do not demand that you give up your own personality and that you should become the person I want you to be for my sake. 
　　② I can allow and encourage to stand alone and to be who you are.
　　　我能够允许并鼓励你独立自主，保持你的特性。 
　　　I can allow and encourage you to do things independently and to become a person who is different from other people.
 


 


5. Love means having a responsibility toward the person I love. If I love you, ①I'm responsive to most of your major needs as a person. ②This responsibility does not entail my doing for you what you are capable of doing for yourself; ③nor does it mean that I run your life for you. ④It does imply acknowledging that what I am and what I do affects you, so that I am directly involved in your happiness and your misery. ⑤A lover does have the capacity to hurt or neglect the loved one, ⑥and in this sense I see that love entails an acceptance of some responsibility for the impact my way of being has on you.


　　① ….I am responsive to most of your major needs as a person. 
　　　我就会对你作为人的大多数的主要需求有反应。 
　　　I will concern myself with your affairs, and keep your needs in mind and try my best to help you to meet these needs. 
　　② This responsibility does not entail my doing for you what you are capable of doing for yourself. 
　　　这个责任不等于我替你做你自己能做的事情。 
　　　This responsibility does not mean that I should do what you yourself are able to do. 
　　③ …nor does it mean that I run your life for you. 
　　　也不意味着我管理你的生活。 
　　　…nor does it mean that I control your life./ I decide what you do and don't.
　　④ It does imply acknowledging that what I am and what I do affects you, so that I am directed involved in your happiness and your misery.
　　　但是它确实意味着承认我的为人和我的所作所为对你有影响，因此我直接与你的幸福和痛苦有牵连。 
　　　It does mean that I recognize what kind of person I am and what I do will have effect on you. Therefore I am directly connected with your happiness and misery.
　　⑤ A lover does have the capacity to hurt or neglect the loved ones.
　　　一个爱别人的人确实可能会伤害或忽视所爱之人。 
　　　It is quite possible that a lover hurt the feelings of the loved ones, or neglect their needs and feelings. 
　　⑥ …and in this sense I see that love entails an acceptance of some responsibility for the impact my way of being has on you.
　　　从这个意义上说，爱包含着我要对我的生活方式对你的影响承担一定的责任。 
　　　It is necessary for the lover to take some responsibility for the effect of his (her) way of living on the loved one.
6. ①Love means growth for both myself and the person I love. If I love you, I am growing as a result of my love. ②You are a stimulant for me to become more fully what I might become, and my loving enhances your being as well. We each grow as a result of caring and being cared for; ③we each share in an enriching experience that does not detract from our being.


7. Love means making a commitment to the person I love. ④This commitment does not entail surrendering our total selves to each other; nor does it imply that the relationship is necessarily permanent. It does entail a willingness to stay with each other in times of pain, uncertainty, struggle, and despair, as well as in times of calm and enjoyment.


　　① Love means growth for both myself and the person I love. 
　　　Because of love the person I love and I myself are bettered. Both of us become better than the person we would be without it. 
　　② You are a stimulant for me to become more fully what I might become and my loving enhances your being as well.
　　　你刺激我成为更加充实的人，我对你的爱也会提高你的素质。 
　　　Because of love both of us grow and get a full development. Our love often urges both of us to improve and become better than we would be without it. 
　　③ ….we each share in an enriching experience that does not detract from our being.
　　　我们的这种关系使双方都更加充实，又丝毫不消弱我们的特性。 
　　　Love helps develop our personality, while not weakening our characteristics as independent individuals 
　　④ This commitment does not entail surrendering our total selves to each other.
　　　这种承诺并不需要我们相互放弃自身的特性。 
　　　This commitment does not mean that one should give up his (her) personality for the sake of the other.
8. Love means trusting the person I love. If I love you, I trust that you will accept my caring and my love and that you won't deliberately hurt me. I trust that you will find me lovable and that you won't abandon me; ①I trust the reciprocal nature of our love. If we trust each other, ②we are willing to be open to each other and can shed masks and pretenses and reveal our true selves.


　　① I trust the reciprocal nature of love. 
　　　I believe that love is mutual: we both love and are loved, care and are cared for. 
　　② ..we are willing to be open to each other and can shed masks and pretenses and reveal our true selves.
　　　我们愿意相互敞开我们的心扉，我们能够去掉假面具，去掉伪装，显示我们的真面貌。 
　　　… we are willing to be frank and honest to each other. We will not pretend to be what we are not, and we let each other see what we really are-our ability as well as weakness and limitations.
9. ①Love can tolerate imperfection. In a love relationship there are times of boredom, ②there are times when I may feel like giving up, times of real strain, and times I experience an impasse. ③Authentic love does not imply enduring happiness. I can stay during rough times, however, because I can remember what we had together in the past, and I can picture what we will have together in our future ④if we care enough to face our problems and work them through. We agree with Reverend Maier when he writes that love is a spirit that changes life. Love is a way of life that is creative and that transforms. However, ⑤Maier does not view love as being reserved for a perfect world. ⑥" Love is meant for our imperfect world where things go wrong. Love is meant to be a spirit that works in painful situations. ⑦Love is meant to bring meaning into life where nonsense appears to reign. ⑧" In other words, love comes into an imperfect world to make it livable.


　　① Love can tolerate imperfection. 
　　　No human relationship is perfect. Lovers should prepare the times of boredom and times of real strain. 
　　② There are times when I may feel like giving up…times I experience an impasse. 
　　　必然有厌烦的时候，有我想放弃的时候，有十分紧张的时候，有我感到没有出路的时候。 
　　　Sometimes I even want to give up our relationship and see no way out. 
　　③ Authentic love does not imply enduring happiness. 
　　　Even though they love each other truly, it does not mean that they will be happy together forever. 
　　④ ….if we care enough to face our problems and work them through.
　　　如果我们对问题予以足够的重视，因而能够面对问题并能度过这个时期。 
　　　If we pay enough attention to our problems and try our best to solve them….
　　⑤ Maier does not view love as being reserved for a perfect world.
　　　梅尔并不把爱看成是完美社会的专利。 
　　　Maier does not think that only in a perfect world there will be true love.
　　⑥ Love is meant for our imperfect world where things go wrong.
　　　爱是专门赐予我们这个有问题，不完善的世界的。 
　　　In this imperfect world life is full of irritations, trials and injustice. Love can help reduce the effect of anything undesirable and evil. 
　　⑦ Love is meant to bring meaning into life where nonsense appears to reign.
　　　爱就是要使看起来无意义的生活变得有意义。 
　　　Love changes the meaningless life into a meaningful one. Love makes our life meaningful.
　　⑧ In other words, love comes into an imperfect world to make it livable. 
　　　换句话说，爱来到这个不完美的世界，使它可以适合人们居住。 
　　　Love makes an imperfect world where there are injustice, crimes and evils good enough to live in.
10. ①Love is freeing. Love is freely given, not doled out on demand. ②At the same time, my love for you is not dependent on whether you fulfill my expectations of you. Authentic love does not imply " I'll love you when you become perfect or when you become what I expect you to become. " ③Authentic love is not given with strings attached. There is an unconditional quality about love.


　　① Love is freeing. Love is freely given not doled out on demand. 
　　　爱是自由的行为，爱是自愿地付出，而不是在要求之下的施舍。 
　　　Love is given out of one's own free will. Love cannot be forced or asked for. 
　　② At the same time, my love for you is not dependent on whether you fulfill my expectations of you.
　　　同时，我对你的爱不取决于你是否满足我对你的期望。 
　　　Nevertheless, I love you for what you are. Whether you become what I expect you to be does not affect my love for you. 
　　③ Authentic love is not given with strings attached. There is an unconditional quality about love.
　　　真爱的付出是不带条件的，爱的特征之一就是无条件。
　　　True love is given without conditions. (unconditionally.)
11. ①Love is expansive. If I love you, I encourage you to reach out and develop other relationships. ②Although our love for each other and our commitment to each other might bar certain actions on our parts, we are not totally and exclusively wedded to each other. ③It is a pseudolove that cements one person to another in such a way that he or she is not given room to grow. Casey and Vanceburg put this notion well:


12. The honest evidence of our love is our commitment to encouraging another's full development. ④We are interdependent personalities who need one another's presence in order to fulfill our destiny. And yet, we are also separate individuals. ⑤We must come to terms with our struggles alone.


　　① Love is expansive. If I love you, I encourage you to reach out and develop other relationships. 
　　　爱是广阔的，如果我爱你，我就鼓励你向外发展，建立其他的人际关系。 
　　　Love has a broad effect on one. It makes one love and appreciate people and things in general. If I love you, I encourage you to make friendship with other people. 
　　② Although…might bar certain actions on our part, we not totally and exclusively wedded to each other. 
　　　尽管我们之间的爱以及我们相互承担的责任不允许我们做某些事情，但是我们并不是完全彻底地拴在一起。 
bar certain actions on our part：禁止我们做 
　　　Although our love might forbid us to do certain actions, we are not completely bound to each other. We have the freedom to develop other relationships. 
　　③It is a pseudolove that cements one person to another in such a way that he or she is not given room to grow.
　　　把一个人和另一个人捆绑在一起，而不是给他发展的空间，这是一种虚假的爱。 
　　　If the two persons in love are tired together in such a way that he or she feels smothered and is not allowed to develop, it is not a true love.
　　④ We are interdependent personalities who need one another's presence in order to fulfill our destiny.
　　　"我们是相互依存的，为了完成自己的使命，需要对方的存在。 
　　　We are separate individuals, yet we are closely connected. We need each other's encouragement and help to achieve our goals in life. 
　　⑤ We must come to terms with our struggles alone.
　　　我们必须各自面对自己的奋斗。 
　　　Don't be too dependent on the other. We must learn to face and deal with difficult problems on our own.
13. ①Love means having a want for the person I love without having a need for that person in order to be complete. If I am nothing without you, then I'm not really free to love you. I love you and you leave, I'll experience a loss and be sad and lonely, but I'll still be able to survive. If I am overly dependent on you for my meaning and my survival, then I am not free to challenge our relationship; nor am I free to challenge and confront you. ②Because of my fear of losing you, I'll settle for less than I want, and this settling will surely lead to feelings of resentment.


　　① Love means having a want for the person I love without having a need for that person in order to be complete. 
　　　爱意味着对于我所爱的人，我需要有他，而不是缺了他就不行。 
　　　Love means having a desire for the person I love. It does not mean that without him I cannot achieve a full development. 
　　② Because of my fear of losing you, I'll settle for less that I want, and this settling will surely lead to feeling of resentment.
　　　由于我怕失去你，我就只好降低要求，而这种委曲求全肯定会引起我的不满情绪。 
　　　Because I am afraid of losing you, I'll have to expect less of you. I won't be content with the situation, and this will make me unhappy.
14. Love means identifying with the person I love. If I love you, I can empathize with you and see the world through your eyes. ①I can identify with you because I'm able to see myself in you and you in me. ②This closeness does not imply a continual " togetherness, " for distance and separation are sometimes essential in a loving relationship. Distance can intensify a loving bond, and it can help us rediscover ourselves, so that we are able to meet each other in a new way. 


　　① I can identify with you because I am able to see myself in you and you in me. 
　　　我能够理解你是因为我在你身上看到了我自己，在我身上也看到了你。 
　　　I can fully understand you because we have much in common.. 
　　② This closeness does not imply a continual "togetherness" for distance and separation are sometimes essential in a loving relationship.
　　　这种亲密的关系并不是说要持续的“在一起”，因为距离和分别对于相爱来说有时是必要的。 
　　　Closeness in a love relationship does not mean constant physical togetherness, for distance makes heart grow. Separation sometimes can intensify a love relationship. There is a Chinese saying: " Absence sharpens love, presence strengthen it."
15. ①Love is selfish. I can only love you if I genuinely love, value, appreciate, and respect myself. If I am empty, then all I can give you is my emptiness. If I feel that I'm complete and worthwhile in myself, then I'm able to give to you out of my fullness. One of the best ways for me to give you love is by fully enjoying myself with you.


　　① Love is selfish. I can only love you if I genuinely love, value, appreciate and respect myself. 
　　　爱中充满了自我，只有我能真正地爱自己，珍视自己，欣赏自己，尊重自己，我才能爱你。 
　　　Love requires the lover to be able to value, appreciate and respect himself (herself). If the person has no self-respect, nor does he (she) feel he (she) is complete or worthwhile, how can he (she) encourage the other to be complete? The lover's own fullness of personality is very important. 
　　
16. Love involves seeing the potential within the person we love. In my love for another, I view her or him as the person she or he can become, while still accepting who and what the person is now. Goethe's observation is relevant here: by taking people as they are, we make them worse, but by treating them as if they already were what they ought to be, we help make them better.


17. We conclude this discussion of the meanings that authentic love has for us by sharing a thought from Fromm's The Art of Loving (1956). His description of mature love sums up the essential characteristics of authentic love quite well:


18. ①Mature love is union under the condition of preserving one's integrity, one's individuality. In love this paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two.


　　① Mature love is union under the condition of preserving one's integrity, one's individuality. In love this paradox occurs that two being become one yet remain two. 
　　　成熟的爱是两个人的结合，但又不失各自的完整和特性。爱中有这种矛盾现象：合二为一，却又一分为二。 
　　　When two persons love each other, they are closely connected without losing one's own characteristics. In a love relationship the two persons are closely united yet maintain separate individuals. (Each keeps his or her own views, values, characters etc.) 
　　



（单选题）40.I would rather you _____ in that quarrel yesterday.


A． didn’t involve
B． didn’t get involved
C． hadn’t involved
D． hadn’t been involved
【答案】D


【解析】本题考查虚拟语气及核心动词involve的用法。would rather接从句用虚拟语气，当从句表示过去时，用过去完成时态，因此只有C和D是正确形式。involve是及物动词，常用于短语be/get involved in sth.。该句句意是“我真希望你昨天没有卷入到那场争吵中。”


【知识点】虚拟语气及核心动词involve的用法