A Modest Proposal

A Modest Proposal

For preventingthe children of poor people in Ireland,
from being a burden on their parents or country,
and for making them beneficial to the publick.

by Dr. JonathanSwift

1729

It is amelancholy object to those, who walk through this great town, or travel in thecountry, when they see the streets, the roads, and cabbin-doors crowded withbeggars of the female sex, followed by three, four, or six children, all inrags, and importuning every passenger for an alms. These mothers, instead ofbeing able to work for their honest livelihood, are forced to employ all theirtime in stroling to beg sustenance for their helpless infants who, as they growup, either turn thieves for want of work, or leave their dear native country,to fight for the Pretender in Spain, or sell themselves to the Barbadoes.

I think it isagreed by all parties, that this prodigious number of children in the arms, oron the backs, or at the heels of their mothers, and frequently of theirfathers, is in the present deplorable state of the kingdom, a very greatadditional grievance; and therefore whoever could find out a fair, cheap andeasy method of making these children sound and useful members of the commonwealth,would deserve so well of the publick, as to have his statue set up for apreserver of the nation.

But my intentionis very far from being confined to provide only for the children of professedbeggars: it is of a much greater extent, and shall take in the whole number ofinfants at a certain age, who are born of parents in effect as little able tosupport them, as those who demand our charity in the streets.

As to my ownpart, having turned my thoughts for many years upon this important subject, andmaturely weighed the several schemes of our projectors, I have always foundthem grossly mistaken in their computation. It is true, a child just dropt fromits dam, may be supported by her milk, for a solar year, with little othernourishment: at most not above the value of two shillings, which the mother maycertainly get, or the value in scraps, by her lawful occupation of begging; andit is exactly at one year old that I propose to provide for them in such amanner, as, instead of being a charge upon their parents, or the parish, orwanting food and raiment for the rest of their lives, they shall, on thecontrary, contribute to the feeding, and partly to the clothing of manythousands.

There islikewise another great advantage in my scheme, that it will prevent thosevoluntary abortions, and that horrid practice of women murdering their bastardchildren, alas! too frequent among us, sacrificing the poor innocent babes, Idoubt, more to avoid the expence than the shame, which would move tears andpity in the most savage and inhuman breast.

The number ofsouls in this kingdom being usually reckoned one million and a half, of these Icalculate there may be about two hundred thousand couple, whose wives arebreeders; from which number I subtract thirty thousand couple, who are able tomaintain their own children, (although I apprehend there cannot be so manyunder the present distresses of the kingdom) but this being granted, there willremain a hundred and seventy thousand breeders. I again subtract fifty thousand,for those women who miscarry, or whose children die by accident or diseasewithin the year. There only remain a hundred and twenty thousand children ofpoor parents annually born. The question therefore is, How this number shall bereared and provided for? which, as I have already said, under the presentsituation of affairs, is utterly impossible by all the methods hithertoproposed. For we can neither employ them in handicraft or agriculture; theyneither build houses, (I mean in the country) nor cultivate land: they can veryseldom pick up a livelihood by stealing till they arrive at six years old;except where they are of towardly parts, although I confess they learn therudiments much earlier; during which time they can however be properly lookedupon only as probationers; as I have been informed by a principal gentleman inthe county of Cavan, who protested to me, that he never knew above one or twoinstances under the age of six, even in a part of the kingdom so renowned forthe quickest proficiency in that art.

I am assured byour merchants, that a boy or a girl, before twelve years old, is no saleablecommodity, and even when they come to this age, they will not yield above threepounds, or three pounds and half a crown at most, on the exchange; which cannotturn to account either to the parents or kingdom, the charge of nutriments andrags having been at least four times that value.

I shall nowtherefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable tothe least objection.

I have beenassured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a younghealthy child well nursed, is, at a year old, a most delicious nourishing andwholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubtthat it will equally serve in a fricasee, or a ragoust.

I do thereforehumbly offer it to publick consideration, that of the hundred and twentythousand children, already computed, twenty thousand may be reserved for breed,whereof only one fourth part to be males; which is more than we allow to sheep,black cattle, or swine, and my reason is, that these children are seldom thefruits of marriage, a circumstance not much regarded by our savages, therefore,one male will be sufficient to serve four females. That the remaining hundredthousand may, at a year old, be offered in sale to the persons of quality andfortune, through the kingdom, always advising the mother to let them suckplentifully in the last month, so as to render them plump, and fat for a goodtable. A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends, and whenthe family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish,and seasoned with a little pepper or salt, will be very good boiled on thefourth day, especially in winter.

I have reckonedupon a medium, that a child just born will weigh 12 pounds, and in a solaryear, if tolerably nursed, encreaseth to 28 pounds.

I grant thisfood will be somewhat dear, and therefore very proper for landlords, who, asthey have already devoured most of the parents, seem to have the best title tothe children.

Infant’s fleshwill be in season throughout the year, but more plentiful in March, and alittle before and after; for we are told by a grave author, an eminent Frenchphysician, that fish being a prolifick dyet, there are more children born inRoman Catholick countries about nine months after Lent, than at any otherseason; therefore, reckoning a year after Lent, the markets will be moreglutted than usual, because the number of Popish infants, is at least three toone in this kingdom, and therefore it will have one other collateral advantage,by lessening the number of Papists among us.

I have alreadycomputed the charge of nursing a beggar’s child (in which list I reckon allcottagers, labourers, and four-fifths of the farmers) to be about two shillingsper annum, rags included; and I believe no gentleman would repine to give tenshillings for the carcass of a good fat child, which, as I have said, will makefour dishes of excellent nutritive meat, when he hath only some particularfriend, or his own family to dine with him. Thus the squire will learn to be agood landlord, and grow popular among his tenants, the mother will have eightshillings neat profit, and be fit for work till she produces another child.

Those who aremore thrifty (as I must confess the times require) may flay the carcass; theskin of which, artificially dressed, will make admirable gloves for ladies, andsummer boots for fine gentlemen.

As to our Cityof Dublin, shambles may be appointed for this purpose, in the most convenientparts of it, and butchers we may be assured will not be wanting; although Irather recommend buying the children alive, and dressing them hot from theknife, as we do roasting pigs.

A very worthyperson, a true lover of his country, and whose virtues I highly esteem, waslately pleased in discoursing on this matter, to offer a refinement upon myscheme. He said, that many gentlemen of this kingdom, having of late destroyedtheir deer, he conceived that the want of venison might be well supplied by thebodies of young lads and maidens, not exceeding fourteen years of age, norunder twelve; so great a number of both sexes in every county being now readyto starve for want of work and service: and these to be disposed of by theirparents if alive, or otherwise by their nearest relations. But with duedeference to so excellent a friend, and so deserving a patriot, I cannot bealtogether in his sentiments; for as to the males, my American acquaintanceassured me from frequent experience, that their flesh was generally tough andlean, like that of our schoolboys, by continual exercise, and their tastedisagreeable, and to fatten them would not answer the charge. Then as to thefemales, it would, I think, with humble submission, be a loss to the publick,because they soon would become breeders themselves: and besides, it is notimprobable that some scrupulous people might be apt to censure such a practice,(although indeed very unjustly) as a little bordering upon cruelty, which, Iconfess, hath always been with me the strongest objection against any project,how well soever intended.

But in order tojustify my friend, he confessed, that this expedient was put into his head bythe famous Psalmanaazor, a native of the island Formosa, who came from thenceto London, above twenty years ago, and in conversation told my friend, that inhis country, when any young person happened to be put to death, the executionersold the carcass to persons of quality, as a prime dainty; and that, in histime, the body of a plump girl of fifteen, who was crucified for an attempt topoison the Emperor, was sold to his imperial majesty’s prime minister of state,and other great mandarins of the court in joints from the gibbet, at fourhundred crowns. Neither indeed can I deny, that if the same use were made ofseveral plump young girls in this town, who without one single groat to theirfortunes, cannot stir abroad without a chair, and appear at a playhouse andassemblies in foreign fineries which they never will pay for, the kingdom wouldnot be the worse.

Some persons ofa desponding spirit are in great concern about that vast number of poor people,who are aged, diseased, or maimed; and I have been desired to employ my thoughtswhat course may be taken, to ease the nation of so grievous an incumbrance. ButI am not in the least pain upon that matter, because it is very well known,that they are every day dying, and rotting, by cold and famine, and filth, andvermin, as fast as can be reasonably expected. And as to the young labourers,they are now in almost as hopeful a condition. They cannot get work, andconsequently pine away from want of nourishment, to a degree, that if at anytime they are accidentally hired to common labour, they have not strength toperform it, and thus the country and themselves are happily delivered from theevils to come.

I have too longdigressed, and therefore shall return to my subject. I think the advantages bythe proposal which I have made are obvious and many, as well as of the highestimportance.

For first, as Ihave already observed, it would greatly lessen the number of Papists, with whomwe are yearly overrun, being the principal breeders of the nation, as well asour most dangerous enemies, and who stay at home on purpose with a design todeliver the kingdom to the Pretender, hoping to take their advantage by theabsence of so many good Protestants, who have chosen rather to leave theircountry, than stay at home and pay tithes against their conscience to anepiscopal curate.

Secondly, Thepoorer tenants will have something valuable of their own, which by law may bemade liable to a distress, and help to pay their landlord’s rent, their cornand cattle being already seized, and money a thing unknown.

Thirdly, Whereasthe maintainance of a hundred thousand children, from two years old, andupwards, cannot be computed at less than ten shillings a piece per annum, thenation’s stock will be thereby encreased fifty thousand pounds per annum,besides the profit of a new dish, introduced to the tables of all gentlemen offortune in the kingdom, who have any refinement in taste. And the money willcirculate among our selves, the goods being entirely of our own growth andmanufacture.

Fourthly, Theconstant breeders, besides the gain of eight shillings sterling per annum bythe sale of their children, will be rid of the charge of maintaining them afterthe first year.

Fifthly, Thisfood would likewise bring great custom to taverns, where the vintners willcertainly be so prudent as to procure the best receipts for dressing it toperfection; and consequently have their houses frequented by all the finegentlemen, who justly value themselves upon their knowledge in good eating; anda skilful cook, who understands how to oblige his guests, will contrive to makeit as expensive as they please.

Sixthly, Thiswould be a great inducement to marriage, which all wise nations have eitherencouraged by rewards, or enforced by laws and penalties. It would encrease thecare and tenderness of mothers towards their children, when they were sure of asettlement for life to the poor babes, provided in some sort by the publick, totheir annual profit instead of expence. We should soon see an honest emulationamong the married women, which of them could bring the fattest child to themarket. Men would become as fond of their wives, during the time of theirpregnancy, as they are now of their mares in foal, their cows in calf, or sowswhen they are ready to farrow; nor offer to beat or kick them (as is toofrequent a practice) for fear of a miscarriage.

Many otheradvantages might be enumerated. For instance, the addition of some thousandcarcasses in our exportation of barrel’d beef: the propagation of swine’sflesh, and improvement in the art of making good bacon, so much wanted among usby the great destruction of pigs, too frequent at our tables; which are no waycomparable in taste or magnificence to a well grown, fat yearling child, whichroasted whole will make a considerable figure at a Lord Mayor’s feast, or anyother publick entertainment. But this, and many others, I omit, being studiousof brevity.

Supposing thatone thousand families in this city, would be constant customers for infantsflesh, besides others who might have it at merry meetings, particularly atweddings and christenings, I compute that Dublin would take off annually abouttwenty thousand carcasses; and the rest of the kingdom (where probably theywill be sold somewhat cheaper) the remaining eighty thousand.

I can think ofno one objection, that will possibly be raised against this proposal, unless itshould be urged, that the number of people will be thereby much lessened in thekingdom. This I freely own, and was indeed one principal design in offering itto the world. I desire the reader will observe, that I calculate my remedy forthis one individual Kingdom of Ireland, and for no other that ever was, is, or,I think, ever can be upon Earth. Therefore let no man talk to me of otherexpedients: Of taxing our absentees at five shillings a pound: Of using neitherclothes, nor houshold furniture, except what is of our own growth andmanufacture: Of utterly rejecting the materials and instruments that promoteforeign luxury: Of curing the expensiveness of pride, vanity, idleness, andgaming in our women: Of introducing a vein of parsimony, prudence andtemperance: Of learning to love our country, wherein we differ even fromLaplanders, and the inhabitants of Topinamboo: Of quitting our animosities and factions,nor acting any longer like the Jews, who were murdering one another at the verymoment their city was taken: Of being a little cautious not to sell our countryand consciences for nothing: Of teaching landlords to have at least one degreeof mercy towards their tenants. Lastly, of putting a spirit of honesty,industry, and skill into our shopkeepers, who, if a resolution could now betaken to buy only our native goods, would immediately unite to cheat and exactupon us in the price, the measure, and the goodness, nor could ever yet bebrought to make one fair proposal of just dealing, though often and earnestlyinvited to it.

Therefore Irepeat, let no man talk to me of these and the like expedients, till he hath atleast some glympse of hope, that there will ever be some hearty and sincereattempt to put them into practice.

But, as tomyself, having been wearied out for many years with offering vain, idle,visionary thoughts, and at length utterly despairing of success, I fortunatelyfell upon this proposal, which, as it is wholly new, so it hath something solidand real, of no expence and little trouble, full in our own power, and wherebywe can incur no danger in disobliging England. For this kind of commodity willnot bear exportation, and flesh being of too tender a consistence, to admit along continuance in salt, although perhaps I could name a country, which wouldbe glad to eat up our whole nation without it.

After all, I amnot so violently bent upon my own opinion, as to reject any offer, proposed bywise men, which shall be found equally innocent, cheap, easy, and effectual.But before something of that kind shall be advanced in contradiction to myscheme, and offering a better, I desire the author or authors will be pleasedmaturely to consider two points. First, As things now stand, how they will beable to find food and raiment for a hundred thousand useless mouths and backs.And secondly, There being a round million of creatures in humane figurethroughout this kingdom, whose whole subsistence put into a common stock, wouldleave them in debt two million of pounds sterling, adding those who are beggarsby profession, to the bulk of farmers, cottagers and labourers, with theirwives and children, who are beggars in effect; I desire those politicians whodislike my overture, and may perhaps be so bold to attempt an answer, that theywill first ask the parents of these mortals, whether they would not at this daythink it a great happiness to have been sold for food at a year old, in the mannerI prescribe, and thereby have avoided such a perpetual scene of misfortunes, asthey have since gone through, by the oppression of landlords, the impossibilityof paying rent without money or trade, the want of common sustenance, withneither house nor clothes to cover them from the inclemencies of the weather,and the most inevitable prospect of intailing the like, or greater miseries,upon their breed for ever.

I profess in thesincerity of my heart, that I have not the least personal interest in endeavouringto promote this necessary work, having no other motive than the publick good ofmy country, by advancing our trade, providing for infants, relieving the poor,and giving some pleasure to the rich. I have no children, by which I canpropose to get a single penny; the youngest being nine years old, and my wifepast child-bearing.