2.2 Is There a Generation Gap?

Is There a Generation Gap?

The term”generation gap”was coined in the1960s. One concept of the generation gap is that parents and children havedifferent values and beliefs. As a result, many parents fear that peer opinionswill become more highly valued and that they in turn will lose influence.Although the term continues to be used often, some people are beginningto ask the question, “Is there a generation gap in today's society?”

One study compared four generations, aged 18-30, 31-48, 49-62, and 63 andover. Several questions were asked to tap into basic beliefs and values,such as "Hard work is the key to getting ahead" and "Americais the very best place in the world to live in". Across the generations,there was great consistency in the responses. 

Many studies on youth also refute the concept of a generation gap. Thesestudies show that while young people tend to value their peers' evaluationsover parents' on things like music, clothing and what's "cool",they continue to look to parents for basic values and guidance in the moreimportant areas of life, such as career and lifetime goals. 

Of course, general trends can't always be applied to individual cases. Itis natural to feel like there is an uncomfortable "gap" betweenour teens and us and that there is a need to bridge it. Perhaps, though,the problem does not lie in a difference of opinions or values, but in theway we relate to and communicate with each other. Here are some tips froman article entitled "Bridging the Generation Gap" that might help.

 Show respect. An attitude of respect and trust can be contagious. Youngpeople tend to see themselves the way their parents see them. In turn, theygain self-confidence and respect for themselves when you show that you respecttheir ability to make decisions and learn from their mistakes. 

 Listen more than you talk. Questioning can sound like interrogation. Instead,adopt an attitude of curiosity rather than control. Ask questions like "Howso?" "What do you think now?" "Were you surprised?""What will you do now?" "What's your plan?" "Isthis something you want help with?" If your object is only to listen,you should be careful not to be preparing your response while your teenis still talking. You'll hear better that way, and they will be encouragedto talk more.

Ask whether your child wants to hear it before sharing your point of view.Only go on if they say "yes". Then be brief. Don't lecture, anddon't expect them to agree with you. If you state your case with a "Thisis what makes sense to me" attitude as opposed to "This is theright way to see things", he or she can listen more openly insteadof planning rebellion. 

 Think "we" instead of "you". "We have chores todo before we leave the house; how can we take care of what needs to be done?"Any way you can get across the message "We're in this together"can help bridge gaps that conflicts might otherwise create. 

Keep calm. You can easily destroy your credibility by getting angry or tooexcited during a conversation. Instead of "You're ruining your life!",say "I'm concerned about what might happen if..." "What doyou think you might do in a situation like that?

Don't apply double standards. Teenagers pay close attention to double standards.Don't expect them to follow rules you don't follow yourself. Whether it'sabout checking in by the phone, putting things away or drinking out of themilk carton,Do as I say and not as I do will not improve therelationship. 

Admit your own mistakes and talk about what you are learning from them.Showing self-acceptance and tolerance for imperfection is very encouragingto teenagers (as well as other people around you) and tends to make youeasier to approach with questions, regrets and challenges. Apologize whenyou think you had done or said something differently, like losing your coolor saying something hurtful during an argument.

Enjoy them. The humor, energy and sense of possibility teenagers often havecan awaken parents to positive sides of themselves they had forgotten orneglected. When teens experience being liked, they usually act more likeable.