Notes from a Big Country 大国札记（4）

作者：Bill Bryson

翻译&诵读：Jean

音乐：选自电影“Cafe Society“原声碟

Well, doctor, I was just trying to lie down. . .

医生，我只是想躺下来着，没成想......

Here's a fact for you: According to the latest Statistical Abstract of the United States, every year more than 400,000 Americans suffer injuries involving beds, mattresses, or pillows. Think about that for a minute. That is almost 2,000 bed, mattress, or pillow injuries a day. In the time it takes you to read this article, four of my fellow citizens will somehow manage to be wounded by their bedding.

听着：美国统计摘要上说，每年美国有40多万人在有关床、床垫或枕头的意外中受伤。好好琢磨一分钟吧，这说明每天有2000起事故围绕床、床垫和枕头展开。你读这篇文章的时候，我的四个同胞莫名其妙地就被床上用品弄伤了。

My point in raising this is not to suggest that we are somehow more inept than the rest of the world when it comes to lying down for the night (though clearly there are thousands of us who could do with additional practice), but rather to observe that there is scarcely a statistic to do with this vast and scattered nation that doesn't in some way give one pause.

我之所以提这事，并非要暗示咱们在躺平这件事上不如他人熟练（但有那么几千人确实需要点相关训练），而是想说，在这个广阔的国家里，没有一项数据不引人深思。

I had this brought home to me the other day when I was in the local library looking up something else altogether in the aforesaid Abstract and happened across "Table No. 206: Injuries Associated with Consumer Products." I have seldom passed a more diverting half hour.

这些都是前几天在图书馆查资料时翻到的，当时我在前文提到的那本“美国统计摘要”里找别的数据，看到了“206号目录：消费品相关受伤数据“。之后的半个小时，是我这辈子最欢乐的30分钟了。

Consider this intriguing fact: Almost 50,000 people in the United States are injured each year by pencils, pens, and other desk accessories. How do they do it? I have spent many long hours seated at desks where I would have greeted almost any kind of injury as a welcome diversion, but never once have I come close to achieving actual bodily harm.

你琢磨琢磨这事有多神奇：每年，美国有约五万人因铅笔、钢笔及其他文具受伤。他们怎么做到的？我在充满凶险的书桌前度过了无数个小时，但从来没成功地被这些东西弄伤过。

So I ask again: How do they do it? These are, bear in mind, injuries severe enough to warrant a trip to an emergency room. Putting a staple in the tip of your index finger (which I have done quite a lot, sometimes only semi-accidentally) doesn't count. I am looking around my desk now and unless I put my head in the laser printer or stab myself with the scissors I cannot see a single source of potential harm within ten feet.

我想再问一遍：他们怎么做到的啊？你要知道，这些可是些严重到要去急诊室的伤情，食指进了订书钉（我经常干这事，有时不完全是意外）那种根本不算数。现在我正左右观察我的书桌，除了头怼激光打印机、或者拿起剪刀捅自己之外，十尺（3m）之内都没什么对我有潜在威胁的东西。

But then that's the thing about household injuries if Table No. 206 is any guide-they can come at you from almost anywhere. Consider this one. In 1992 (the latest year for which figures are available) more than 400,000 people in the United States were injured by chairs, sofas, and sofa beds. What are we to make of this? Does it tell us something trenchant about the design of modern furniture or merely that we have become exceptionally careless sitters? What is certain is that the problem is worsening. The number of chair, sofa, and sofa bed injuries showed an increase of 30,000 over the previous year, which is quite a worrying trend even for those of us who are frankly fearless with regard to soft furnishings. (That may, of course, be the nub of the problem-overconfidence.)

但如果206号目录教会了大家什么东西，那就是家里的受伤事件有各种发生的可能性。你想想，1992年（最早有记载的数据），美国有40万人被凳子、沙发和沙发床伤到。咱们应该怎么看这事？这是说现代家具中设计上有致命缺陷，还是咱们坐得太不小心了？可以确定的是，问题还在逐年加剧。仅去年一年，凳子、沙发和沙发床造成的伤害事件增加了三万例，这简直让我们这种无畏的“坐者”都开始担心了。（当然，过分自信也许就是问题源头）

Predictably, "stairs, ramps, and landings" was the most lively category, with almost two million startled victims, but in other respects dangerous objects were far more benign than their reputations might lead you to predict. More people were injured by sound-recording equipment (46,022) than by skateboards (44,068), trampolines (43,655), or even razors and razor blades (43,365). A mere 16,670 overexuberant choppers ended up injured by hatchets and axes, and even saws and chainsaws claimed a relatively modest 38,692 victims.

可以想见，“楼梯、斜坡和楼梯间的平台“肯定是充满动感的重灾区，受害者有惊人的两百万。但和某些案例相比，这些被普遍认为杀伤力不小的物件就无害多了。录音设备伤的人（46022）比滑板（44068）、蹦床（43655）甚至刮胡刀和刀片（43365）都要多。大小斧头只伤到了16670快活的伐工，（电）锯才造就了区区38692名伤者。

Paper money and coins (30,274) claimed nearly as many victims as did scissors (34,062). I can just about conceive of how you might swallow a dime and then wish you hadn't ("You guys want to see a neat trick?"), but I cannot for the life of me construct hypothetical circumstances involving folding money and a subsequent trip to the ER. It would be interesting to meet some of these people.

纸币和硬币（30274）和剪刀（34062）的伤害数量相当。不小心吞了个小硬币那种我还理解（“你们想看个魔术不？”），但前脚叠纸币、后脚进急诊那种状况我是死活也想像不出来。要是能见见这些人应该挺好玩的。

I would also welcome a meeting with almost any of the 263,000 people injured by ceilings, walls, and inside panels. I can't imagine being hurt by a ceiling and not having a story worth hearing. Likewise, I could find time for any of the 31,000 people injured by their "grooming devices."

有26万3千人被天花板、墙壁和内置板伤着，我也很想见见他们的代表。因天花板受伤的人肯定有特别带劲的故事可讲。同理，那三万一千位美发器械的受害者里，如果随便哪位想见我，我也乐意为他挤出时间来。

But the people I would really like to meet are the 142,000 hapless souls who received emergency room treatment for injuries inflicted by their clothing. What can they be suffering from? Compound pajama fracture? Sweatpants hematoma? I am powerless to speculate.

但我最想见的，还要是被自己的衣服送去急诊室治疗的那142000个倒霉蛋。他们伤哪了？开放性睡衣骨折？运动裤水肿？我是想不出来了。

I have a friend who is an orthopedic surgeon, and he told me the other day that one of the incidental occupational hazards of his job is that you get a skewed sense of everyday risks since you are constantly repairing people who have come a cropper in unlikely and unpredictable ways. (Only that day he had treated a man who had had a moose come through the windshield of his car, to the consternation of both.) Suddenly, thanks to Table No. 206, I began to see what he meant.

我有个朋友是整形外科医生，他有一次告诉我，由于自己一直在修复各种看似不可能的意外伤痕，日常生活中的风险意识也难免因此扭曲。（他前一阵子刚刚接诊了一位男士，一头驯鹿撞穿了挡风玻璃，他和鹿都受了不小的惊吓）突然间，我开始理解他的意思了。多亏了206号目录。

Interestingly, what had brought me to the Statistical Abstract in the first place was the wish to look up crime figures for the state of New Hampshire, where I now live. I had heard that it is one of the safest places in America, and indeed the Abstract bore this out. There were just four murders in the state in the latest reporting year-compared with over 23,000 for the country as a whole-and very little serious crime.

有意思的是，我最初翻开那本统计期刊，是想找我们新罕布什尔州的犯罪数据。听说我所在的这个州是美国最安全的地方，期刊上的数据也支持了这一点。上一个报告年里只有四起凶杀案，重罪极少。而同一时期，全国共发生了23000起命案。

All that this means, of course, is that statistically in New Hampshire I am far more likely to be hurt by my ceiling or underpants-to cite just two potentially lethal examples-than by a stranger, and, frankly, I don't find that comforting at all.

综上数据来看，相比我在本州被陌生人伤害的几率，我更有可能被天花板或内裤（两大致命杀手）伤到。实话说，我并没感到宽慰。