梵高 给弟弟的信

Dear brother,

亲爱的弟弟，


For no particular reason I can’t help adding something here that’s just a recurring thought of mine.

不知为什么，我常常禁不住会有一个念头。

Not only did I start drawing relatively late, but on top of that I can’t count on living for a great many years, relatively speaking. When I think about that cool-headedly and calculatedly — as if estimating or measuring something — then it’s in the nature of things that I can’t possibly know anything definite about it.

我不仅很晚才开始绘画，而且或许也很难指望能再活很多年。如果冷静周密地去计算这段时间，那么自然我也无法确切地知道那会是多久。

Yet through comparisons with various people with whose life one is familiar, or in comparison with whom one believes one sees certain correspondences, one can nonetheless put forward certain propositions that aren’t absolutely without foundation.

但是如果与很多我们了解其生活的人，或者与那些和我们相似的人对比，就可以做一些有根据的推断。

So as to the length of time in which to work that lies ahead of me, I believe I may assume the following without being too hasty: that my body will endure for a certain number of years come what may — a certain number, say between 6 and 10. I dare all the more to assume this because at present there’s no immediate come what may.

至于我还能够工作的时间，我想应该可以作如下推断：我的身体无论如何都还可以维持一段时间，大概是六到十年。这个假设并不草率吧。我之所以这么认为，也是因为眼下没什么可担心的。

That’s the period that I count on for sure, for the rest I would find it far too airily speculative to dare to determine anything in myself, given that whether or not anything is left after that period will depend precisely on these first 10 years, say. If one goes into a serious decline in those years, one won’t get past 40; if one remains sufficiently well preserved to withstand certain shocks to which a person is likely to be subject, solving more or less complicated physical problems, then from 40-50 one is once more in new, relatively plain sailing.

这个时间段，是我最可靠的指望。其他的方面充满了变数，我不敢随意揣测，比如，过了之后还有没有时间，很大程度取决于第一个十年的结果。如果这些年间身体每况愈下，那么就很难活过四十岁。而如果一个人可以从往往会在这个时期发生的打击中恢复过来，并且克服相对复杂的身体疾病，那么从四五十岁之后，就能重新过上平安顺利的生活了。

Calculations about that are not on the agenda now, but plans for a period, as I began by saying, of between 5 and 10 years are.

这些推算目前并不是我所关心的，但是我需要为我刚才所说的这五到十年做好计划。

My plan is not to spare myself, not to avoid a lot of emotions or difficulties. It’s a matter of relative indifference to me whether I live a long or a short time. Moreover, I’m not competent to manage myself in physical matters the way a doctor can in this respect. So I carry on as one unknowing but who knows this one thing — ‘I must finish a particular work within a few years’ — I needn’t rush myself, for that does no good — but I must carry on working in calm and serenity, as regularly and concentratedly as possible, as succinctly as possible.

我的计划不是要救自己，也不是要避免太过情绪化或者太多困难。对于活长活短，我并不关心。并且，我也没有医生的本事去管理自己的身体。因此，我不在意这些事情，但是有一件事是明确的：我必须在有限的几年中完成一定数量的创作。我并不急于求成，因为着急也无济于事，但是我必须要平静而沉着地创作，尽最大的可能有规律地全心全意地去画画。

I’m concerned with the world only in that I have a certain obligation and duty, as it were — because I’ve walked the earth for 30 years — to leave a certain souvenir in the form of drawings or paintings in gratitude. Not done to please some movement or other, but in which an honest human feeling is expressed. Thus this work is the goal — and concentrating on that thought, what one does and does not do simplifies itself in that it’s not a chaos, but everything one does is one and the same aspiration. Now the work is going slowly — all the more reason not to lose any time.

我在世上唯一的顾虑就只有对这个世界未尽的义务和责任，因活在世间三十载，我还亏欠它一些可以流传后世的绘画作品作为纪念，不是为了迎合这个或那个流派，而是为了在画中表达真实的人类情感。因此，这就是我的目标，专注于这个想法，就可以更简单地判断什么该做什么不该做，而不再混乱。我的一切作为，都将是出于这一个愿望。目前我的工作进展很慢，更没有理由浪费时间了。