3. Getting Ready to Raise Young Leaders

I remember raising our children, we’d playhide and seek. Everyone went to hide except for the person who was the finder.The finder had to close his eyes and count loudly so the others could hear.Then he’d say, “Ready or not, here I come.” No matter how planned or unplannedyour children were, ready or not, they came. When my wife and I were preparingfor our 3 sons, we read books, talked to others, and had many discussions on how we wanted to raise them. Wepainted their room, purchased new furniture, and tried to create a warm andinviting place for them to live. Now as grandparents, we see our kids doing thesame for their children.

So just as you areintentional in how you parent your children, you’ll need to be intentional ifyou want to raise a young leader. Here are four practical things to consider ifyou want to develop their leadership potential effectively.

First, young leaderdevelopment begins between your ears. That’s right, it doesn’t begin with thechild. What you think about leadership and more importantly, how you thinkabout your child in terms of leadership will significantly impact how yourchild responds. There’s a story in Greek mythology called the Pygmalion. It’sthe story of an artist who sculpts a beautiful statue of a woman.  Pygmalion then fell in love with his own statue.The goddess of love noticed his affection and decided to turn the sculptureinto a real woman, so that the artist and his new love lived happily ever aftertogether. The Pygmalion Effect is that people tend to become as they’retreated. So if you start thinking of your child as a leader, you’ll starttreating them that way. This will then help the child to see himself or herselfas a leader and start behaving that way.

A second thing toconsider, if you’re ready to raise a young leader, is how you need to treatyour child uniquely. Obviously, if you only have one child, this may not be asapplicable, but if you have more than one, you’ll quickly see theirdifferences. We have 3 sons. Our oldest and youngest were compliant, meaningthat when we needed to correct them, a simple verbal warning was pretty muchall they required. But our middle son, who possesses the highest naturalleadership aptitude, was very strong willed and typically non-compliant.Therefore, we needed to parent him differently. If we had parented our middleson the same as his brothers, we would not have equipped him with the skills heneeded to succeed in life. Conversely, if we parented our oldest and youngestthe same as our middle son, we would have discouraged them and not helped themsucceed. Children with high leadership aptitude are different from theirsiblings and most other kids. Therefore, to be equitable, you can’t treat themequally. You’ll need to adjust and customize the way you parent, such asdisciplining, challenging, communicating and training. We’ll talk more aboutthis in upcoming podcasts.

A third thing to dois to compare your leadership aptitude with your child’s. We’ll talk more aboutmeasuring your child’s natural talent in another podcast, but here’s a quickway to compare you and your child’s wiring. If you’re a strong leader and yourchild seems to possess lower leadership ability, you’ll want to avoid tese 2common problems. One is when a parent is over-bearing, trying to take chargeand thus intimidates the child. This is what I experienced with my father. Iwas a leader but my dad considered my leadership behavior as rebelliousness. Hequickly shut it down, conveying the idea that there was only room for 1 leaderin the family; naturally him. Thus, whenever I was around my dad, I was quietand wore a mask of passivity, to avoid conflict. This is common among strongleader parents, who shut down their child’s leadership potential, well-intendedor not. Our partners in Thailand informed us that this is common in Asiancultures where children are often taught to be quiet around adults, confusingbeing reserved with respect.  

The other problemwe’ve discovered is when strong leader parents want their child to be somethingthey aren’t. Forcing a non-leader child into leadership roles is a great way toset up your child for discouragement and failure. When our sons were young, Icoached many of their athletic teams. I interacted with numerous parents whothought their child was going to be the next great professional baseball,soccer or basketball player. The problem is that most kids will never make thislevel of play. Yet, the parents behaved badly, putting pressure on the child todo things that he or she was unable to do. This transcends the Pygmalion concept,causing children to resent their parents and end up hating the activitiesdesigned for fun and recreation.

Those are 2 thingsto consider if your leadership ability is greater than your child’s. But whatif you realize your child may have stronger leadership aptitude than you? Hereare 2 different things you’ll want to consider. First, do you perceive yourchild’s strong will and non-compliance as rebelliousness? As a person who isn’tstrong in leading, you may be projecting a perception to your child that he orshe is a troublemaker. Thus, the Pygmalion effect will be working against yourchild. There’s a difference between a disrespectful child and one who’s merelytrying to do what comes naturally to him as a leader. Another concern when achild possesses more leadership aptitude than the parent is a lack of rolemodeling and development, in that the parent simply does not know how to trainthe child in the areas of leading. Again, we’ll discuss more practical ideas infuture podcasts, but being aware of leadership talent differences can prepareyou to raise a leader.

A fourth way toprepare for raising your child as a leader is to begin thinking of your home asa leadershipdojo. The worddojois Japanese and refers to a placeof training. In the adult world, we often think of leadership developmentsettings as on-the-job or in academic settings, such as where I teach at USCMarshall School of Business. We also think of it in high priced retreats,executive coaching and professionally facilitated programs. But every week,dozens of opportunities arise within the normal day-to-day functions of familylife, where a child can learn leadership skills. We’ll share several ideas inupcoming podcasts, but it’s time to begin thinking of opportunities for yourchild to lead family projects and functions, for the primary purpose ofdeveloping his or her leadership potential. Remember, young leader trainingstarts between your ears as a parent, how you think about your child, consideringyour leadership differences, and developing leadership training experiences ineveryday settings.

Let me end with alittle story. In 1969, I was a 10-year old child.  I remember watching Neal Armstrong walk on themoon, on a television with a black and white screen, in our farm house in ruralIowa. Over 30 years later, as an adult, I had the opportunity to introduce our3 sons to the famous astronaut at a special event we attended. While NeilArmstrong was famous for being the first human on the moon, he didn’t wake upone day and say, “I think I’ll go to the moon.” Countless efforts went intohelping him succeed at this task, involving a lot of people and intentionalplanning. I realize this may be an exaggerated example, but IF you want todevelop a great young leader, you’ll need to be intentional. It won’t justhappen. And it will also require involving other people, because leading isprimarily a social skill. But if you consider the 4 things we discussed today,you will be ready to raise a leader from the future.