《爱在日落黄昏时》09：宁可一个人

I was thinking, for me it's better I don't romanticize things as much anymore.  我在想，对我来说，还是不要把事情想得太浪漫比较好。
I was suffering so much all the time. 我一直都吃这个亏。
I still have lots of dreams, but they're not in regard to my love life.  我仍旧有很多梦想，但它们都与我的感情生活无关。
It doesn't make me sad, it's just the way it is. 这样并不会让我不开心，因为事情本来就是这样的。
Is that why you're in a relationship with somebody who's never around? 这就是为什么你会和一个不常见面的人恋爱吗？
Yes, obviously. I can't deal with the day to day life of a relationship. 当然，我应付不了那种天天见面的感情。
Yeah, we have, you know, this exciting time together and he leaves and I miss him, but at least I'm not dying inside. 我们相聚的时候可以充满激情，然后他离开了，我会很想他，不过我起码不会痛不欲生。
When someone's always around me, I'm like suffocating. 如果有人一直在我身边，我会感到窒息。
No, wait, you just said that you need to love and be loved. 等等，可是你刚说你需要爱和被爱啊。
Yeah, but when I do, it quickly makes me nauseous. It's a disaster. 没错，但是当我真这么做时，马上就会让我恶心。真是个灾难。
I mean, I'm really happy only when I'm on my own.  我是说，我只有一个人独处的时候才会真正开心。
Even being alone, it's better than sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely. 即使是一个人，也比坐在情人边上却感到孤独要好。
It's not so easy for me to be a romantic. 浪漫对我来说并不是一件容易的事。
You start off that way, and after you've been screwed over a few times, you forget about your delusional ideas, and you just take what comes into your life. 你开始的时候会这么做，不过当你受过几次伤以后，你就会忘了那些虚幻的想法，屈从生活中的现实。
That's not even true. I haven't been screwed over, I've just had too many blah relationships. 其实这也不见得对。我也没受过什么伤，我只是有太多平庸的恋情了。
They weren't mean, they cared for me, but there were no real connection or excitement.  不是说他们不好，他们很关心我，但是我们却没有那种心灵的相通，或是发自心底的兴奋。
At least, not from my side. 起码我这边是这么感觉的。
God, I'm sorry, is it really that bad? It's not, right? 天哪，真遗憾，有这么糟糕吗？没有吧，对吗？
You know, it's not even that. I was...I was fine until I read your fucking book.  你知道吗，其实也不是这样的。我...我原本挺好的，直到我读到你那本该死的书。
It stirred shit up, you know? 它把陈年往事又翻起来了，你知道吗？
It reminded me how genuinely romantic I was, how I had so much hope in things. 它让我想起了，我曾经真正的浪漫过，我对于世界有过多少希望。
And now it's like I don't believe in anything that relates to love.  而现在我已经不相信任何爱情了。
I don't feel things for people anymore. 我已经感觉不到人之间的感情了。
In a way, I put all my romanticism into that one night and I was never able to feel all this again. 从某种意义上来说，我把一生中所有的浪漫都留在了那一夜，而我永远不可能再有那种感觉了。
Like, somehow this night took things away from me and I expressed them to you, and you took them with you.  就好像，那一夜不知道怎么激发了我的全部感情，而我把这些感情都向你倾泻出来，而你却把它们都从我身边带走了。
It made me feel cold, like love wasn't for me. 这让我感到寒冷，仿佛爱情再也不属于我一样。
I don't believe that. I don't believe that. 我不相信，不会是这样的。