乐乐日记01英+-+匍匐记

On All Fours

Her fingers are delicate, her shoulders feeble and weak, her chest chubby, her skin very soft, and seemingly dry and wrinkled. 

Her head is covered with an eyeshade. She looks like a dwindled masked knight, or Zorro.
 

She is put in a shelter made of organic glass in blue healing light.  Lying stark naked, she seems still to be in embryo.

Sparse hair or rather fetal membrane is scattered on her uncovered face and head. Like all other newborn babies, her skin is wrinkled in queer contrast to her baby look. 

Stripped of her eyeshade, her little eyebrows tightly knitted feature wisdom peculiar to infants, conveying some charm beyond description.

Her skin is put on a piece of organic-glass so stiff. Her body lying slantingly as the masked knight, she seems while asleep trying to figure out what this strange world is as a new comer. In bewilderment she seems trying to differentiate the insulated sound of music. She wakes up from sleep, violently wavering her small arms and hands as well as her delicate legs and feet, turning over her waist in the meanwhile. In an adult, her body movement would seem very awkward, but with her, it is as natural as if in embryo, full of fun from the primitive world.     

Sending forth a cry, the masked knight shakes her waist violently. It is time to feed milk!

I put her fresh and tender little hand on my finger-tip, her long fingers would naturally roll up, gripping my finger tightly and energetically. Seen from her closed eyelids and wriggling lips, she seems to have figured out the strange world as a new comer. This is a world with which she is entangled by innumerable original ties.   

She seems so innocent as if utterly ignorant, and yet so intelligent as if she is aware of almost everything. Taken out of the blue light box and stripped of the eyeshades, her stark naked body features my birthmarks as well as those of my wife, no matter in her eyes or eyebrows, in the wing of her nose, or in her lips and tongue. Anyway, I invariably feel she is probing the secular world. She is doing so with her somewhat knitted eyebrows, taking along with her some bewilderment, and arresting all traces of net information hidden in the enigma of our happiness. 

Or she is probably aware of everything.

At the very moment she grips my finger she becomes aware of her blood relations with me her stranger. She trusts me unconditionally and without any reservation. She is so doing without having to probe her previous and present blood relations with me past and present.
 

Taking Pictures

Acting like a burglar, I help her find views with the strange world when she is still devoid of memory.  I sow seeds stealthily and wait for five or ten years’ time. By then she will dig some of buried seeds out from her memory, just like peasant rebels digging out the placards inscribed with prayer to God for a dynastic change. True or not, such inscriptions will last forever and ever.  

This is an open and yet forbidden client-witness agreement to be verified or falsified some day in the future. .
 

The Passion of Child Delivery

Child delivery is a mixture of happiness of birth and throes of pains. They are all interwoven in the little wardroom. 

Her mom in the throes of child delivery for hours was admitted into the Caesarean theater, and was later carried back into the ward.

In this world three types of figures are said to be ordeal sufferers:  Jesus Christ, Ernesto Guevara Che and the parturient. 

Dragging his blood-soaked body, and with a cross lying heavily across his shoulders, Jesus Christ was crucified in the scorching sun in Jerusalem, revealing pitiful compassion for the secular world. 

On the other hand, Ernesto Guevara Che, arrested in a guerrilla war in Bolivia, lay in a dirty enemy bed with naked chest and disheveled mustache prior to his execution, showing tranquil, dignified and untouchable nobility. His enemy snapped shots of him in an awful image.  But contrary to their expectation these are invaluable photos showing him as a great historic hero commanding great respect from his posterities. 

Now the mom: while still in the throes of child delivery and blood is shedding inside her body as a consequence of insufficient anesthetization, she calls her ward visitors to take away the baby that has just been extracted from her womb, the baby falls naturally in front of her naked breasts sucking them happily.     

This is a scene of the newborn baby, the busybodies, and the mom lying horizontally on bed, too painful to utter any word, and perspiring for pain on the forehead. Nevertheless, her eyesight reveals ease, tranquility and warmth that is found available in winter only in sunshine. I seem to catch sight of a ray of radiance glittering from her body.  

I record the scene of ordeal painstaking with my memory, not with the camera.

The word “Passion” in suffering in English originates from the same root as emotion. I wonder if the stamina in enduring pains stems from emotional support or vice versa.   

Choosing Names

The feeble baby has taken two names, Pan Shilin meaning poetry and jade as the formal name and Happy Lele as the pet name.

Perhaps for the sake of her happiness, or perhaps she has already blessed others with joy, her mom while in pregnancy swiped four rewards 500 yuan, 50 yuan, 10 yuan and 5 yuan from her meal tickets respectively. 

As for choosing names, it is a long story to tell.

Several months before her birth, I consulted poetry master Maggie Wu. She once suggested Zhu Zi, meaning extremely popular in Chinese, for a friend surnamed Zhu. And the daughter proved to be exceedingly famous.

She suggested Pan Yuanyu, Pan Leshan and Pan Kexin as alternatives.

The first name Pan Yuanyu is appealing rhythmically, suggesting January as the month of birth. 

The second name Pan Leshan suggests musical romance.

The third name Pan Kexin is homophonic with Kexin (meaning appealing and envy), inclusive of both Wang Ke and Pan Xin.

All the three names are nice for girls.

As Pan Shilin implying poetry and jade it was a name I hit upon while strolling in the street. It had no allegory meaning at the time. As for its being selected by the master of the Book of Change, it added luster to the name, but this was something that occurred later

This is a secret and origin peculiar to my relation with her.

After collective texting votes by a dozen good friends, Pan Kexin and Pan Shilin comes to the fore, the number of votes being more or less the same. .

The final decision is left to the discretion of Revered Mr. Kaecer Zhan, the expert from Taiwan specializing in the Book of Change, the Horoscope and the Constellation. My baby is told she belongs to water, lacking earth and Shi (poetry) implies earth in its Chinese character shape, thus Pan Shilin implies water, wood, and earth all, Ha, Ha! Furthermore, the baby girl was born in the Year of the Rabbit, the character “Lin” implies jade; hence the jade rabbit, the pet accompanying Chang E, the Fairy of the Moon.  

By now fine implications are all set into the name I hit upon while strolling in the street. This name is decided upon as the very beginning of my relation with her. I cannot help getting proud of the fact of winning over talented master Maggie Wu the championship in naming my daughter.

I am also indebted to Maggie Wu and Revered Mr. Kaecer Zhan for their unqualified support and also to all my good friends for voting.

Thus, the label of Pan Shilin is pasted on the body of the masked knight.

Besides, the birth of tiny Shilin is determined by the finger counting of Revered Mr. Zhan, born on January 12, at 14: 39, within 10 – 15, as a fine and propitious day.   

This is perhaps a blessing for tiny Shilin.