有哪些人生道理是你现在才悟到的？ ——人际关系篇

 主播：Flora（中国）+ Selah（美国）

 歌曲： I Count on Me

Today, we will discuss life lessons (人生道理) about interpersonal relationships (人际关系). 有哪些人际关系的道理是你现在才悟到的？

Almost every problem in the world can be traced back to relationships (世界上几乎每一个问题都可以追溯到人际关系). Whether it’s misunderstandings, conflicts, or even broader societal issues (更广泛的社会问题), it all often starts with how we connect with one another.

其实relationship这个词不光是指romantic relationship（恋爱关系），还包括friendships（朋友关系）, relationships with your family and co-workers（家庭关系和同事关系）等等。这些都是属于interpersonal relationships（人际关系）。

01. Always be sincere 永远保持真诚

Sincerity is the foundation of building a relationship (建立人际关系的基础). 你要向别人display your sincerity (展示你的真诚)，关键在于你是否真的真诚待人。Basically, sincere people really mean the things they say.

This means that when you care for someone, you really care and not just try to gain something from your relationship with them. You care about them as a human being, and want what’s best for them (你关心的是他们的人格，并希望他们得到最好的).

Flora thinks it's a quite valuable quality, especially nowadays when some people are no longer willing to remain honest and tell the truth in many situations. Sometimes they just create a persona (塑造一个人设) for themselves to be liked by others. But that's not who they really are.

Just show them your true self; those who like you will naturally be drawn to you. And it's also important to talk about your true feelings and thoughts, both positive and negative. But some may just feel ashamed to talk about these sometimes (但有些人有时会觉得羞于启齿).

They might have all sorts of concerns (担忧), like what others think of them. But it can really let each other know where your relationship is headed in the future (让彼此知道你们关系的走向). How you feel in a relationship matters, and it determines whether or not you want to stay in the relationship (决定了你是否想要留在这段关系中). 

Flora wasn't very good at expressing her feelings, but then she realized that doing so has so many benefits. 比如说简单的一句“今天和你玩得很开心”就会让对方收到一个正向的信号，这意味着你们的关系可能在向好的方向发展。

Similarly, alert the other person when you feel offended (感受到被冒犯) and tell them how you feel, which will prevent them from hurting you and your relationship further, even though they may not mean to (即使对方不是故意这样做的).

02. Communication is the key 沟通是关键

Being able to communicate effectively is an invaluable skill (很宝贵的技能). 世界上绝大部分问题是由人际关系引起的，而其中靠沟通能解决的问题其实是占很多的。You need to be able to communicate what you want, need, feel or think to someone else.

Otherwise there can be miscommunications (误解) that lead to walls being built in this relationship (在这段关系中造成隔阂). 有时候换位思考也达不到和解的时候，可能是别人不知道你的需求是什么。这时候能破冰的一点就是：You need to communicate what you want, need directly：Conform? Apology? Help? Or something.

Good communication can take time and practice especially as you learn the communication style of that person (尤其是当你了解了对方的沟通方式之后), but it is important.

不过大家可能还担心的一个点是："I want to express my needs directly, but what if he or she thinks I'm just being too sensitive or high-maintenance (太敏感或者让人耗神了)?" 但是，如果对方真的在乎你以及你们的关系的话，只要你的需求是合理的，他大概率应该是不会这么想的。

If someone actually tells you, 'You're just too sensitive,' and expresses that they can't accept your feelings, then congratulations—now you know that this relationship isn't right for you. Maybe they are just gaslighting (煤气灯操纵). 遇上这种人的话你要考虑一下你们的关系了。Maybe this relationship isn't right for you.

•gaslight vt. <非正式> PUA，心理操控使人产生自我怀疑

Part of learning to communicate is also learning to accept and respect differences (接受和尊重差异). Just because someone is different from you, does not mean they are bad or weird. They are just different.

It is important to know that someone sees something differently and learn how to accept it and accommodate (适应) it, just like you would want someone to do for you.

03. Interpersonal relationships must be maintained 人际关系是需要维持的

Especially in today's fast-paced lifestyle, it's easy for us to overlook the maintenance of our relationships (很容易忽视对关系的维持). Especially as an adult, they require investment (需要投入)- time and effort.

If you are not watering a seed, how do you expect it to grow into a flower? Even when it became a flower, you had to fertilize (施肥) it, water it, and even catch bugs sometimes.

04. Relationships without personal boundaries won't last long. 

没有边界感的关系是不会长久的。

You should put time and effort to invest, but at the same time, you have to heave boundaries to protect others and yourself. 有时候我们遇到一些和自己特别聊得来的人就容易忘记一些boundaries（边界）。

But it's these boundaries that can keep your relationship stable. That's why it's important to gradually learn their boundaries and demonstrate your own (了解他们的界限并展示自己的界限) when dealing with others. 这样双方就都会在一种很舒服的状态下沟通了。

Selah has some relationships that take more out of her and take away from her life, in which case she needs to set boundaries. Actually, boundaries have always existed within us; it's just that when they're constantly being crossed, we feel the need to make them clearer (只是当它们不断被跨越时，我们觉得有必要让它们更加清晰).

Another similar one is don't compromise your principles for them (不要在自己的原则上有所妥协). 大胆展示自己的原则，对方才会知道和你交谈的范围在哪，而不是疯狂踩雷。

05. Relationships: it’s good to consider quality over quantity 注重质量胜于数量

Our time and energy are limited. You cannot be best friends with everyone. When you feel that maintaining relationships has taken too much of your energy and time, maybe you should consider which ones are unnecessary.

When thinking about relationships, it’s good to consider quality over quantity. So sometimes you may need to have fewer friends to cultivate good and meaningful ones.

A bunch of acquaintances may not measure up to a true friend (一群泛泛之交可能比不过一个真正的朋友).

Thank you for joining us as we explored these insights together. We hope you feel inspired to cultivate deeper, more meaningful relationships (培养更深层次、更有意义的人际关系) in your life. Until next time, take care and keep fostering those connections!

请在评论区告诉我们：有哪些人际交往的道理是你后来才悟到的？