第2300期:Six Seconds of Daily Kissing May Help Relationship

After 13 years of marriage, Bethany Meola admits that she and her husband can get caught up in their busy lives. They are raising three children and they both have careers.
贝萨妮·米欧拉承认，在13年的婚姻中，她和丈夫经常忙于各自的生活。他们要养育三个孩子，而且两人都有自己的事业。

So, they make sure to take time every day for a six-second kiss.
所以，他们每天都会确保花时间来进行一个六秒钟的亲吻。

The six-second kiss is a daily exercise suggested by couples therapists John and Julie Gottman. It is as simple as it sounds. They say taking time each day for a six-second kiss can help connect you physically and emotionally with your partner.
六秒钟的亲吻是夫妻治疗师约翰·戈特曼和朱莉·戈特曼建议的每日练习。这很简单。他们说，每天花时间进行一个六秒钟的亲吻可以帮助你与伴侣在身体上和情感上建立联系。

“It’s kind of a funny thing to put on the to-do list,” Meola said. She first learned of the exercise while studying for a master’s degree that centered on marriage and family.
“把这个放在待办事项上有点好笑，”米欧拉说。她在攻读婚姻和家庭为中心的硕士学位时第一次了解到这种练习。

It made a difference, Meola said. “It’s long enough to kind of ground you and say, ‘Here’s this other person that I love, that I’ve committed to.’”
米欧拉说，这确实起到了作用。“这段时间足够让你沉静下来，提醒自己，‘这里有一个我爱的人，我对他（她）承诺了。’”

Why does six seconds matter?
为什么六秒钟很重要？

Married in 1987, Julie and John Gottman co-founded the Gottman Institute to teach couples therapy. John Gottman also wrote *The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work* and other books.
朱莉和约翰·戈特曼于1987年结婚，共同创立了戈特曼研究所，教授夫妻治疗。约翰·戈特曼还撰写了《让婚姻成功的七项原则》和其他书籍。

John Gottman told the Associated Press that six seconds is not just a number. It comes from studying more than 3,000 couples over 30 years. The Gottmans found that a six-second kiss is enough to help release oxytocin.
约翰·戈特曼告诉美联社，六秒钟不仅仅是一个数字。它来自于对3000多对夫妇进行了30年的研究。戈特曼夫妇发现，六秒钟的亲吻足以帮助释放催产素。

Oxytocin is a natural substance that is produced by the body. The substance is widely believed to help a mother connect with her newborn baby. The Gottmans say it also builds trust in a relationship by calming down the fear center of the brain. They also used research by neuro-economist Paul Zak. Zak suggests that a 20-second hug creates the same results.
催产素是一种由身体产生的天然物质。人们普遍认为，这种物质有助于母亲与新生儿建立联系。戈特曼夫妇表示，它还通过平息大脑的恐惧中心来建立信任关系。他们还引用了神经经济学家保罗·扎克的研究。扎克建议，20秒的拥抱能产生同样的效果。

“For the 20-second hug or the six-second kiss, it’s one that really feels different. It feels like you’ve come home,” John Gottman said.
约翰·戈特曼说，“无论是20秒的拥抱还是六秒钟的亲吻，这感觉真的不同。感觉就像你回到了家。”

Julie Gottman said a long kiss works best for couples who are committed to each other and who trust each other. Couples who are working through personal or marital issues might not be ready for it.
朱莉·戈特曼说，长时间的亲吻最适合那些彼此承诺并信任的夫妇。正在处理个人或婚姻问题的夫妇可能还没有准备好进行这种练习。

But how do you start this type of exercise? Couples have to decide to take time out of their day to put their relationship first. One partner might open the discussion by saying they believe the exercise could bring them closer and it is worth a try.
但是，如何开始这种练习呢？夫妇必须决定每天抽出时间，把他们的关系放在首位。一个伴侣可能会通过说他们认为这种练习可以让他们更亲近，并且值得一试来开启讨论。

The experts suggest creating a ritual. For example, set aside the same time every day when both are about to leave for work or just before bedtime.
专家建议建立一个仪式。例如，每天在两人准备去上班或就寝前的同一时间抽出时间。

Creating a ritual prevents a relationship from becoming one in which the only thing a couple does together is add things "to their very long list of tasks,” John Gottman said. “We want to really nurture the romance.”
约翰·戈特曼说，建立一个仪式可以防止关系变成夫妻唯一一起做的事情就是往他们冗长的任务清单上加项目。“我们真的想要培养浪漫。”

Rituals also create a shared sense of purpose, Julie Gottman said. However, she reminds people to enjoy it. Do not think of it as something you are supposed to do.
朱莉·戈特曼说，仪式还可以创造一种共同的目标感。然而，她提醒人们要享受这个过程。不要把它当作一件你应该做的事情。

And to the couples who say they cannot find the time? She is direct and honest.
至于那些说找不到时间的夫妇？她直接而坦率地说道：

“You really don’t have six seconds?” “You know, we’re not talking six hours here. We’re talking six seconds," she said with a laugh.
“你真的没有六秒钟吗？”“你知道，我们这里说的不是六个小时，而是六秒钟，”她笑着说。