第18章03. Mr Rocheste

　　'I heard someone say that，yes，sir．'
　　'Well，he hated the idea of dividing the family property，so he left it all to my elder brother．But that meant I would be poor unless I married a rich wife，so he decided I should marry Bertna Mason，the daughter of his wealtny friend Jonas Mason．I was young and easily impressed，so when I saw her in the West Indies，beautiful and elegantly dressed，I thought I loved her．What a fool I was then！After the wedding I learned that my bride's mother and younger brother were both mad．Dick Mason will probably be in the same state one day．My father knew all this，but did not tell me．I soon found that Bertha and I had nothing in common．Not only was she coarse and stupid，her madness also made her violent．I lived with her for four years．By now my father and brother were dead，so I was rich，but I considered myself poor，because I was tied to a mad wife until death．'
　　'I pity you，sir，I do pity you．'
　　'Pity，Jane，is an insult from some people，but from you I accept it as the mother of love．Well，I had moments of despair when I intended to shoot myself，but in the end I decided to bring the mad woman back to Thornfield Hall，where nobody knew that we were married． She has lived here ever since． Even Mrs Fairfax and the servants don't know the whole truth about her． But although I pay Grace Poole well，and trust her absolutely，she sometimes drinks too much and allows the creature to escape．Twice she has got out of her room at night，as you know．The first time she nearly burnt me in my bed，and the second time she visited you， and must have been reminded of her own wedding day by seeing your wedding dress．'

“是的，先生，我听别人说过。”
　　“好了，他很不愿意把家产分割开，于是就全部传给了我的哥哥。但这就意味着如果不娶个阔老婆，我就很穷，于是他决定我应该和伯莎•梅森结婚，她是他的富朋友乔那森•梅森的女儿。我当时年轻，很容易被迷住，所以当我在西印度群岛见到漂亮而又着装优雅的伯莎时，我以为我爱她。当时我真是个傻瓜！婚礼之后，我才得知新娘的妈妈和弟弟都疯了。迪克•梅森可能有一天也会这样。我父亲知道这一切，但没有告诉我。我很快就发现伯莎和我毫无共同之处。她不仅粗鲁、愚蠢，疯病还让她变得凶暴。我和她生活了四年。到那时我父亲和哥哥都去世了，所以我有钱了，但我仍认为自己是个穷汉，因为我至死都被拴在这个疯老婆身上了。”
　　“我可怜你，先生。我真的可怜你。”
　　“简，别人的可怜是一种侮辱，但你的可怜，我把它当做爱之源接受。我曾经绝望过，想开枪自杀，但最终还是决定把疯女人带回特恩费得，这儿谁也不知道我们结婚了。此后她一直住在这里，即使费尔法斯太太和仆人也不完全了解她的真相。但是尽管我给格丽丝•普尔的薪水丰厚，并绝对信任她，她有时喝得太多，让那东西跑了出来。她曾两次在夜间跑出她的房间，这你知道的。第一次她几乎把我烧死在床上，第二次她去找了你，看到你的婚纱她一定想起了自己的婚礼。”