戴安娜王妃的故事-第四章深宫的女人

Chapter 4 The Woman Inside

In November 1982, the Palace told the world that Diana was 'in the best of health'. She did not have an eating illness, as some of the newspapers were saying. Diana began to look too thin even before she got married. People thought that she was just tired, or growing up.

But in fact, Diana was getting ill. She ate too much, then made herself sick. She ate large meals out of the refrigerator late at night. She ate cakes and chocolate, and was sometimes sick several times a day. At first she looked thin because she kept no food down inside her. But in the end, she learnt to hide her illnessm so that she looked fine.

In January 1982, Diana fell down some stairs when her first baby was on the way. It wasn't in the newspapers until a few weeks later. It was an accident, the Palace said it was only a few stairs. The doctor visited her and she was fine now. There was nothing to worry about. But Diana tried to kill herself that day, life was too much for her. She felt sick all the time before William was born, and her new 'job' in the Royal Family was very difficult. Most of all, she felt that her husband wasn't really interested in her.

On that day, he wanted to go out horse-riding, and he wouldn't stay to talk to her. After William was born, she felt very unhappy. This happens to many women, of course, for a short time after they have babies. But Diana got worse, not better. She sometimes cut herself with a knife, and tried several more times to kill herself. She was probably crying out for help. Outside, she was still the perfect Princess of Wales, but inside, she was hurting.

Before Prince Harry was born, the hospital told Diana that the baby was a boy. She didn't tell Charles. He really wanted a girl. When he first saw their new son, he told her this. Suddenly Diana felt that this was the end of their marriage.

'Something inside me died,' she told her friends later.

She married for love, but perhaps Charles didn't. Did his family push him into the marriage? His real love, Camilla Parker-Bowles, was already married, and he had to marry someone.

Perhaps he chose Diana only because she would be the right sort of royal wife and mother. Charles was still seeing Camilla when he was married to Diana.

On their wedding holiday, Diana saw that Charles still kept photos of Camilla in his pocket. And during the marriage, Charles still gave Camilla presents, and often telephoned her privately. The mother of Camilla's grandmother also had a royal lover - King Edward the 7th.

Camilla, it seemed, was repeating the family story. But Charles and Camilla were friends, as well as lovers. They were the same age, and they were interested in the same things, like horses and the country. Many women did not find Charles an easy man, but Camilla seemed to understand him well.

Earlier, a lot of his girlfriends got tired of him. He could be warm one day, and cold the next. He spent time with them, then disappeared for a long time. Even Camilla stopped waiting for him when she was young. She married another man, Andrew Parker-Bowles.

Charles and Diana were different ages, and they liked different things. He wanted to read books on their wedding holiday; Diana wanted to enjoy the sun and the sea. He wanted to talk about serious ideas, when she wanted to give everything to their new love. It was soon clear to them both that they thought and felt very differently. In public, they were still husband and wife, but in private they were sleeping in separate bedrooms.

People were beginning to see that all was not well. In Canada in 1986, Diana fell down in public because she was so ill and unhappy. The same year, Prince Charles came home early from their holiday in Majorca. Then in 1987, he went up to Balmoral alone for a month. He told the reporters that he had a lot of work to do there.

Diana was working hard for the royal family and the country, but she was still very unsure of herself. She was always waiting for Charles and the royal family to say 'well done!' They never did. But in 1988, life began to change for her. She found that she could be strong.

A terrible accident happened when she and Charles were on holiday in Switzerland with a group of friends. Snow came down from the mountains and killed Hugh Lindsey, one of their best friends. Diana was in bed with a cold at the time. One of Charles's secretaries arrived back at the house with the terrible news. Diana decided what she needed to do. She put all Lindsay's clothes into his suitcase. She and Charles flew back to England with the body.

Then Diana looked after Hugh Lindsay's wife Sarah. The Lindsays only got married a few months before the holiday, and Sarah was having a baby. And then Diana decided that it was time to help herself too. Carolyn, her old school friend said, 'I'll give you an hour. If you don't go to a doctor, I'll tell the world about your illness!'

Diana went to see a special doctor for help with her eating illness.

'How many times have you tried to kill yourself?' he asked her at once. 'Four or five times,' she said. She was very surprised that he seemed to know all about her so quickly.

In six months time, he told her, she could be a new person. He visited her every week, and she began to read books about the illness and to understand herself better. In six months, she was a new person, and she was almost better.

It was the beginning of a new way of life for her. She had to help herself; Charles wouldn't help her. He didn't love her as she wanted. And he never would.

She also learned to give her love to the poor and ill people that she met through her charity work. She had a special touch. When she visited people in hospital, a hug or a kiss from Diana seemed to help them greatly.

Sometimes she continued to visit people for a long time until they were better. She often wrote them kind letters later. A lot of her charity work was with children, and she was always happy and natural with them.

At home, it was the beginning of the war between Diana and the Royal Family. It was difficult for people who worked for Charles and Diana. They had to decide which side they were on. You had to be a 'Charles person' or a 'Diana person'. If you tried to be both, you quickly got into trouble. Diana began to think of 'Charles's people' as the 'enemy'.

They now lived two separate lives in the family too. There was Diana's life, and Charles's life. This was true even for the boys. When Diana took them out, they went to modern places that children like - water game parks or the cinema. They usually wore ordinary clothes like jeans and T-shirts. With Charles, they wore more grown-up clothes, and did country things that he enjoyed, like fishing.

The public began to think worse of Charles when Prince William had a serious accident at school in 1991. Diana stayed at the hospital with him all night, but Charles went off to the theatre.

'How could he do that?' people asked. 'What sort of a father is he?'

Charles loved his sons too, but perhaps he didn't understand how to show it. He did try to do better after that, but many people were beginning to prefer Diana. But not everyone. 'She's ill,' some people were saying. She needs to be in hospital.' or 'She's trying to hurt the royal family, they must stop her!'

Diana was beginning to make a new life for herself. It was difficult, and she was often unhappy, but it was the only way out.