“过度道歉”：为什么会让道歉变得不值钱？

“过度道歉”：为什么会让道歉变得不值钱？
2023.01.17
Mat
难度：CSE5
课程导读

不知什么时候开始，我们对道歉这件事变得过于习以为常了。大到搞砸某个项目，小到不小心碰到陌生人，都会说上一句：“对不起”。甚至连自己在地铁上被踩了脚，也会连连表示“不好意思”。最近一项研究指出，有时候表达歉意无异于自找麻烦。道歉说的太多有什么坏处？如何判断什么时候才需要真正的道歉？一起来听今天的讲解。

本文封面图片来自www.sharonselby.com，如有版权问题，请联系删除。

本篇课程首发于2022年1月17日

英文原文

Want Power? Stop Saying 'Sorry' So Much

想要强大一些吗？那就不要总说“对不起”了

By Rachel Feintzeig

I. Background

II. Story

III. Expressions related to sorry

① a sorry state or a sorry state of affairs

② a sorry sight

IV. Vocabulary

① run amok

② knee-jerk

③ grovel

④ sink team morale

⑤ on loop

⑥ water down

⑦ show remorse

⑧ call out

V. Article

Want Power? Stop Saying 'Sorry' So Much

想要强大一些吗？那就不要总说“对不起”了

The apology is running amok in conversations and communications. We drop it indiscriminately, crying 'mea culpa' for all manner of things we really shouldn't be sorry for—and diluting the apologies that truly matter. Is it time to stop? Could we even cut back if we wanted to?

在日常对话和交流中，道歉总是无处不在。我们过于随意地丢下一句抱歉，对各种我们本不该道歉的事情说着“是我的错”，这就冲淡了那些我们真正想要表达的歉意。也许现在是时候该停下来了，不过如果想要少说抱歉，我们真的就能做到吗？

"Sorry" has lost its meaning. No longer a heartfelt declaration of remorse but a knee-jerk response.

“对不起”已经失去了意义。它已不再是我们发自内心地去表达悔意，而是变成了一种本能反应。

"Don't give away your power," counsels Jeffrey Pfeffer, a professor of organizational behavior. Apologizing in business, especially when you've actually done something wrong, is just asking for trouble, he says. People are never satisfied with an apology, he adds. Groveling and exhibiting vulnerability only make you look weak and sink team morale.

组织行为学教授杰弗里·普费弗（Jeffrey Pfeffer）建议：“不要让你的力量白白流失掉。” 他指出，职场中的道歉无异于自找麻烦，在你确实做错了事情的时候尤其如此。他还补充到，人们永远不会对道歉感到满意。低三下四、暴露弱点只会让你看起来很无能，并且还会降低团队的士气。

Have to move a meeting? Try, "I appreciate your flexibility," or "I'm grateful for your understanding." Remember that it's not your responsibility to apologize for things out of your control. Putting "sorry" on loop waters down the moments when you really do need to show remorse.

那在必须要更改会议时间时，该怎么办呢？你可以试着说：“感谢你的积极配合”或者“感谢你的理解”。记住，你不必为无法控制的事情感到抱歉。反复说“对不起”，只会冲淡真正有需要时所表达出的悔意。

Be aware of how others respond when you use words of contrition. If colleagues call out your apologizing, you might explain that you were just saying you were sorry a thing happened, and not sorry sorry.

在你表达歉意时，注意别人作何反应。如果有同事要求你道歉，你可以解释说你只对所发生的事情感到抱歉，而不是真的为自己的失误道歉。

应版权方要求，此内容仅对英国以外地区开放。

生词好句

1.a sorry state or a sorry state of affairs
a situation that is bad
拓展:
I waited over an hour for my train, then it was cancelled. What a sorry state of affairs.
我等了一个多小时的火车，后来取消了。真太糟糕了。
This restaurant is a sorry state of affairs. I had to wait an hour just to get served.
这家餐馆很糟糕。我等了一个小时才有人前来招待。

2.a sorry sight
something looks bad
拓展:
I walked home in the rain. All my clothes were wet and dirty. I really looked a sorry sight.
我冒雨走回家。我所有的衣服又湿又脏。我看起来真得很糟糕。

3.run amok
means to behave in a very bad way, to behave in a very wild, uncontrolled way, causing problems
拓展:
I saw lots of young kids running amok in the park today.
今天，我看到很多小孩在公园里乱跑。
The tiger escaped from the zoo and ran amok for hours.
这只老虎逃出动物园，然后横冲直撞乱跑了几个小时。

4.knee-jerk
英 [ˈniːdʒɜːk]美 [ˈniːdʒɜrːk]
adj. It means you do something very quickly without thinking about it.
拓展:
knee-jerk response/reaction 第一反应
After one student broke a classroom window with a ball, the headmaster banned any kind of ball in the school and banned all sports. This is just a knee-jerk response.
一名学生用球打破教室窗户后，校长禁止任何球类在学校里出现，并禁止了所有运动。这就是一种下意识反应。

5.grovel
英 [ˈɡrɒvl]美 [ˈɡrɑːvl]
v. means to show too much respect for someone or obey someone too easily, because you want to make them happy or you are afraid of them
拓展:
He wanted a higher salary, so he groveled to his boss.
他想要更高的薪水，所以他巴结着老板。
I need a bank loan. I think I will have to grovel to the bank manager.
我需要银行贷款。我想我得向银行经理低声下气。

6.sink team morale
If something sinks the morale of the team, it reduces team confidence. It has a bad effect on the team.
拓展:
The star player has broken his leg. This will probably sink team morale for the rest of the season.
这位明星球员摔断了腿。这有可能会打击团队在这个赛季中的士气。

7.on loop
If something is 'on loop' or happens 'on loop' it is repeated again and again.
拓展:
I don't like going to that shopping mall. They always play those terrible Christmas songs on loop.
我不喜欢去那个购物中心。他们总是循环播放那几首讨厌的圣诞歌曲。
There are TV screens on the metro, they play the same adverts on loop.
地铁上有电视，总是循环播放同样的广告。

8.water down
to add water；to make an idea or an opinion softer so that others can accept it
拓展:
This coffee is too strong. You need to water it down.
这杯咖啡太浓了。你要加水让它淡一点。
Your presentation and speech is too angry and direct. I think you need to water it down a bit.
你的陈述和演讲太愤怒太直接了。我想你得把它变得柔和一点让人们接受。

9.show remorse
If you show remorse, you show regret; you show that you are sorry for doing something.
拓展:
He showed remorse after his terrible behavior.
他很后悔自己糟糕的举止。
The judge gave him a very large fine because he didn't show any remorse for his crime.
法官判处他缴纳一大笔罚款，因为他对自己的罪行没有表现出任何悔意。

10.call out
In our article it means to show the bad things that someone has done, to criticize someone for doing something.
拓展:
He was behaving very badly in the restaurant, so I called him out.
他在餐厅里表现得很糟糕，所以我批评了他。
I called him out over the sales figures, I think he was lying about them.
我因为销售额指责了他，我认为他在撒谎。