艾玛·汤普森 | 致艾伦·瑞克曼的感人悼词

The most remarkable thing about the first days after Alan died was the number of actors, poets, musicians, playwrights and directors who wanted to express their gratitude for all the help he'd given them.

艾伦去世后的头几天，最引人注目的是有许多演员、诗人、音乐家、剧作家和导演想对他给予他们的所有帮助表达感激之情。

I don't think I know anyone in this business who has championed more aspiring artists, nor unerringly perceived so many great ones before they became great.

我想在这个行业里，我不知道还有谁比他更支持有抱负的艺术家，也没有人在他们成为伟大的艺术家之前准确无误地察觉出来。

Quite a number said latterly that they'd been too shy to thank him personally. They had found it hard to approach him. And of all the contradictions in my blissfully contradictory friend（hold on Thompson!） this is perhaps the greatest, this combination of profoundly nurturing and imperturbably distant.

不少人后来说，他们太害羞了，不敢亲自向他道谢。他们发现很难接近他。而在我这位幸福而矛盾的朋友（等等，汤普森！）身上的所有矛盾中，这种深沉的教养与泰然的距离感的结合也许是最出众的。

He was not, of course, distant. He was alarmingly present at all times. The inscrutability was partly a protective shield. If anyone did approach him with anything like gratitude or even just a question, they would be greeted with a depth of sweetness that no one who didn't know him could even guess at.

当然，他并非不合群。他在任何时候出现都会让人感到吃惊。这种神秘莫测一定程度上是他的保护罩。如果有人带着感激之情接近他，甚至仅仅是问一个问题，迎接他们的将是一种深深的温馨，而不了解他的人都无法猜到。 

And he was not, of course, unflappable. I could flap him like nobody's business, and when I did, he was fierce with me and it did me no end of good.

当然，他也有点故作镇静。我可以像没事人一样拍拍他，而我这样做了，他会对我很凶，这对我也没有什么好处。

He was generous and challenging, dangerous and comical, sexy and androgynous, virile and peculiar, temperamental and languid, fastidious and casual. The list could go on. I'm sure you can add to it.

他既慷慨又挑衅，既危险又滑稽，既性感又两性同体，既阳刚又奇特，既喜怒无常又慢条斯理，既挑剔又随意，还有很多很多，我相信你可以补充进去。

There was something of the sage about him, and had he had more confidence in being at all corruptble, he could probably have started his own religion.

他身上有一些圣人的影子，如果他对自己的堕落有更多的信心，他也许可以创立自己的宗教了。

His taste in all things, from sausages to furnishings, appeared, to me, anyway, to be impeccable. His generosity of spirit was unsurpassed, and he had so much time for people. I used to wonder if he ever slept or ever got time for himself.

他对所有事物的品味，从香肠到家具，反正对我来说，似乎是无可挑剔的。他的慷慨精神是无可比拟的，他有那么多时间与人相处。我曾经怀疑他是否睡过觉，是否有时间独处。

A word heard not traditionally associated with Alan is gleeful. But when he was genuinely amused, he was absolutely the essence of glee. There would be a holding back as the moment built, and then a sudden leaning forward and a swinging around of the torso while a vast, impish grin flowered, sometimes accompanied by an inarticulate shout of laughter. It was almost as if he was surprised by himself.

人们听到的一个与艾伦没有传统联系的词是“愉快”。但当他真的被逗乐时，他绝对是欢乐的精髓。随着时间的推移，他会停住脚步，然后突然向前倾，扭动着身体，露出顽皮的笑容，有时还伴随着一声说不清大笑，好像他都被自己惊到一样。

It was my life's mission to provide those moments. I remember Imelda Staunton nearly killing him by telling him a story about my mother and an unfortunate incident with some hashish.

提供这样的时刻是我的人生使命。我记得伊梅尔达·斯汤顿给他讲了一个关于我母亲的故事和一场与大麻有关的不幸遭遇，差点让他笑抽过去。

It's a really good story. I won't tell it now. I've never seen him laugh more before or since. It was a bit like watching someone tickling the Sphinx.

那是个很不错的故事，但我现在没法讲给你们听。此前还有之后我都没见他这样笑过。就有点像你看着有人给狮身人面像挠痒痒。

One Christmas Eve party, I had a sprig of mistletoe hanging up at home and I was loitering under it and turned to find Alan bearing down on me.

一次平安夜的聚会上，我在家里挂了一束槲寄生，我在它下面晃荡，转过身来，发现艾伦正朝我走来。

I lifted up my chin hopefully. He smiled and approached. I puckered. He leaned in under the mistletoe and a sudden change came over his face. His eyes started to glitter and his nostrils to quiver. He lifted up a hand, reached in and pulled a longish hair out of my chin.

我满怀希望地抬起下巴。他笑了笑，走了过来。我撅起嘴。他靠在槲寄生下，脸上突然出现了变化。他的眼睛开始闪闪发光，鼻孔也开始颤抖。他抬起一只手，伸过来，从我的下巴上拉出一根长长的头发。

Ow, I said. That's an incipient beard, he said, handing me the hair and walking off. That was the thing about Alan. You never knew if you were going to be kissed or unsettled, but you couldn't wait to see what would come next.

“啊......”我说。“这是刚长出来的胡子。”他一边把头发递给我一边说到。这就是艾伦的特点。你永远不知道自己会得到一个吻还是倍感不安，但你会迫不及待想看接下来会发生什么。

And the trouble with death is that there is no next. There's only what was. And for that, I am profoundly and heartbrokenly grateful.

而死亡的麻烦在于没有下一个，只有过去的东西。为此，我深切而衷心地表示感激。

So the last thing we did together was change a plug on a standard lamp in his hospital room. The task went the same way as everything we have ever done together. I had a go. He told me to try something else. I tried. It didn't work. So he had a go. I got impatient. I took it from him. I tried it again. It still wasn't right. We both got slightly irritable.

我们一起做的最后一件事是给他病房里的落地灯换一个插头。这项工作与我们一起做的所有事情一样。我试了一下，他让我试试其他的东西。我试了一下，灯没有亮，于是他又试了一下。我变得不耐烦了，把插头从他那里拿走了。我又试了一次，灯还是不亮。我们都变得有点烦躁。

Then he patiently took it all apart again and got the right lead into the right hole. I screwed it in with a screwdriver. We complained about how fiddly it was, and then we had a cup of tea. Took us at least half an hour, this thing. And he said afterwards, it's a good thing I decided not to become an electrician.

然后他又耐心地把它们拆开，把不同的电线放进正确的线孔，然后用螺丝刀把它拧上去了。我们抱怨它太繁琐了，然后一起喝了杯茶。这东西花了我们至少半个小时。后来他说，我决定不做电工是件好事。

I'm still heartbroken that Alan's gone, but these diaries bring back so much of what I remember of him. There is that sweetness I mentioned, his generosity, his champion of others his other, his fierce, critical eye, his intelligence, his humor.

艾伦的离去让我心痛不已，但这些日记让我想起了很多关于他的记忆和那些我提到的甜蜜，他的慷慨，他对别人的拥护，他狂热挑剔的眼光，他的智慧，他的幽默。

He was the ultimate ally in life, art and politics. I trusted him absolutely. He was above all things a rare and unique human being, and we shall not see his like again.

他是生活、艺术和政治上的终极盟友。我完全信任他。总之，她是一个罕见而独特的人，但我们再也看不到像他那样的人了。

Thank you!

谢谢！