第1642期:Could lending affect your friendship?

Shakespeare once wrote: ‘Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend’. It’s often paraphrased and used as a warning about the dangers of lending, and how you could risk a friendship through it. But why can lending money be so detrimental to our friendships?

莎士比亚曾经写道：“既不是借款人，也不是贷款人；因为贷款经常会失去自己和朋友”。它经常被解释并用作关于借贷危险的警告，以及如何通过它来冒险建立友谊。但是，为什么借钱会对我们的友谊造成如此不利的影响呢？

If our friend or family member comes to us for hard cash, it can be very difficult to turn them away. You feel under pressure to help. And if that money doesn’t come back, it can lead to fights or even legal battles. So how can we, as the lender, avoid these complications? According to Bradley T. Klontz, an expert in financial psychology, there are some steps you can take.

如果我们的朋友或家人来找我们要现金，很难拒绝他们。你感到压力很大，需要提供帮助。如果这笔钱不回来，它可能会导致打架甚至法律纠纷。那么，作为贷方，我们如何才能避免这些并发症呢？根据金融心理学专家 Bradley T. Klontz 的说法，您可以采取一些步骤。

Understanding why there is an inevitable risk to lending anything to a friend is the first thing. And it’s not just the risk of losing the money, but the friendship could also be in danger. This is because, psychologically speaking, the action of lending has changed the balance of power. The lender becomes superior, while the borrower may feel awkward with the new arrangement. Likewise, if you try to advise them on what to do with the money, it might make things difficult between you two. In other words, let go – and see it as their money.

首先要了解为什么将任何东西借给朋友会不可避免地存在风险。这不仅是赔钱的风险，而且友谊也可能处于危险之中。这是因为，从心理上讲，借贷行为改变了力量平衡。贷方变得优越，而借方可能对新安排感到尴尬。同样，如果你试图建议他们如何处理这笔钱，这可能会让你们两个之间的关系变得困难。换句话说，放手——把它看作是他们的钱。

And if you can’t afford to lend something, don’t. Saying ‘no’ is hard when a friend comes asking, but if you need that money, denying them is probably the safest course of action. If you still feel the need to lend, making a legally binding agreement and putting things down in writing could guarantee instalments or deadlines. But, some friends may not take too kindly to being asked to make it official – seeing it as a lack of trust.

如果你付不起借钱，就不要借。当朋友来问时说“不”很难，但如果你需要这笔钱，拒绝他们可能是最安全的做法。如果您仍然觉得需要贷款，制定具有法律约束力的协议并以书面形式记录下来可以保证分期付款或期限。但是，有些朋友可能不太乐意被要求将其正式化——认为这是缺乏信任。

Finally, for some, it’s best to just see the money as a gift and be pleasantly surprised if something comes back. And if you do want to preserve your friendship, when you need to borrow some money, perhaps a bank is a better option.

最后，对于某些人来说，最好只是将钱视为礼物，如果有东西回来，会感到惊喜。如果您确实想保持友谊，当您需要借一些钱时，也许银行是更好的选择。

词汇表

borrower 借款人
lender 放款人
loan 借款
lend 借出
hard cash 现款，现金
turn someone away 拒绝某人
legal battle 官司
inevitable 不可避免的
superior （地位）更高的
awkward 难堪的，尴尬的
let go 放下（某事）
legally binding 具有法律约束力的
put something down in writing 付诸书面（文中指 “写欠条”）
instalment （分期付款的）一期
deadline 最后期限
make something official 按正式程序办事
borrow 借入