第1510期:How to be charming

Life isn’t fair. Some people just seem blessed with the ability to effortlessly charm anyone they meet. You know the kind of person, the one who can strike up a conversation with a complete stranger and end up with a new friend or business lead. How do they do it?

生活是不公平的。有些人似乎很幸运能够毫不费力地吸引他们遇到的任何人。你知道那种人，他可以与一个完全陌生的人交谈，最终结交新朋友或业务主管。他们是怎么做到的呢？

Well, it might seem like a magical power, but in fact there are a number of factors at work. So, can you learn to develop superhuman charm? The answer is: to a large extent, yes you can.

好吧，这似乎是一种神奇的力量，但实际上有许多因素在起作用。那么，你能学会培养超人的魅力吗？答案是：在很大程度上，是的，你可以。

But first, the bad news. Scientists have found that people initially judge each other based purely on physical appearance. With just a fleeting glimpse of a face, people make snap judgements about each other’s likeability, trustworthiness and confidence, according to Alexander Todorov, professor of psychology at Princeton University.

但首先，坏消息。科学家们发现，人们最初纯粹根据外表来判断对方。普林斯顿大学心理学教授亚历山大·托多罗夫 (Alexander Todorov) 表示，只要瞥一眼一张脸，人们就会对彼此的可爱程度、可信度和信心做出快速判断。

How to counteract this? There’s one incredibly simple tool: your smile. Todorov told the BBC that people perceive a smiling face as “more trustworthy, warmer and sociable”. It sounds like common sense, doesn’t it? Smile and others will smile with you.

如何应对这种情况？有一个非常简单的工具：你的微笑。托多罗夫告诉 BBC，人们认为笑脸“更值得信赖、更热情、更善于交际”。这听起来像是常识，不是吗？微笑，别人会和你一起微笑。

What other tricks might we have up our sleeves? Former FBI agent Jack Schafer has been trained in how to influence people. He told BBC Capital: “Our brains are always surveying the environment for friend or foe signals.” Three things we can do to signal that we are not a threat are to: raise our eyebrows quickly, tilt our heads slightly, and, once again, to smile.

我们还能有什么其他的技巧呢？前 FBI 特工 Jack Schafer 接受过如何影响他人的培训。他告诉 BBC Capital：“我们的大脑一直在调查环境中的朋友或敌人信号。”我们可以做三件事来表明我们不是威胁：快速抬起眉毛，稍微倾斜头部，再次微笑。

So we’ve looked at body language, but of course what you say is hugely important too, unless you want to just stand there grinning foolishly. Here Schafer recommends that “the golden rule of friendship is if you make people feel good about themselves, they’re going to like you.” In other words, you need to show interest in them, instead of talking about yourself and all your wonderful achievements. And while you’re chatting, remember this: another way of showing interest is to mirror their physical position.

所以我们已经研究了肢体语言，但当然你说的话也非常重要，除非你只想站在那里傻笑。谢弗在这里建议“友谊的黄金法则是，如果你让人们对自己感觉良好，他们就会喜欢你。”换句话说，你需要对他们表现出兴趣，而不是谈论你自己和你所有的精彩成就。在聊天时，请记住这一点：表达兴趣的另一种方式是反映他们的身体位置。

Another way to form a connection? Find common ground. Suzanne de Janasz, a professor of management with Seattle University, says that charming people are particularly adept at seeking out shared interests or experiences to help them build rapport. Simple things like asking where someone’s from really can open up a discussion and allow you to find areas in common. And if all else fails, you can fall back on that most British of topics: the weather. Glorious day, isn’t it?

建立联系的另一种方式？找到共同点。西雅图大学管理学教授 Suzanne de Janasz 说，有魅力的人特别善于寻找共同的兴趣或经历来帮助他们建立融洽的关系。简单的事情，比如询问某人来自哪里真的可以开启讨论，让你找到共同的领域。如果一切都失败了，你可以回到最英国的话题：天气。光荣的一天，不是吗？

词汇表

blessed 命好的，幸运的
effortlessly 不费吹灰之力地
strike up a conversation（与人）攀谈
complete stranger 彻头彻尾的陌生人
lead 线索，头绪
superhuman 超乎常人的
to a large extent 在很大程度上
snap judgement 快速、草率的判断
likeability 喜欢程度
trustworthiness 可信度
counteract 对抗
sociable 合群的，好交际的
have something up your sleeve “留一手”，暗藏某物以备不时之需
foe 敌人
tilt（使）倾斜
grin 咧嘴笑
golden rule 黄金法则，重要的原则
mirror 效仿
common ground 共同点
rapport 融洽的关系
fall back on 借助于