史蒂芬·弗莱 | 朗读绘本故事《你特么吃啊》

Cannongate Books presents, You Having to Fucking Eat, written by Adam Mansbach, and read by Stephen Fry.

Cannongate图书出版，《你特么吃啊》，作者亚当·曼斯巴赫，朗读者史蒂芬·弗莱。

The sunrise is golden and lovely. The birds chirp and twitter and tweet. You woke me and asked for some breakfast. So why the fuck won't you eat?

日出是金灿灿，暖洋洋的。鸟儿在叽叽喳喳地鸣叫。你吵醒了我，要求我做早餐给你吃。那你特么为什么不吃饭？

The bunnies are munching on carrots. The lambs nibble grasses and bleat. I know you're too hungry to reason with but you have to fucking eat.

兔子在啃胡萝卜，羊羔在吃草咩咩叫。我知道你饿昏了头，但是你特么吃东西啊。

Your cute little tummy is rambling, and pancakes are your favorite treat. I'm kind of surprised that you suddenly hate them. That's bullshit, stop lying and eat.

你可爱的肚子在咕咕叫，煎饼是你最喜欢的食物。我有点惊讶你为何突然讨厌它们了。别扯谎了，快吃吧。

The giraffes pluck the tender young leaves up. The mice snack on seeds and on wheat. No, sweetheart, I can't make spaghetti. The fucking meal’s served. Time to eat.

长颈鹿（用舌头）把嫩叶卷进嘴里。老鼠吃着种子和小麦。不，亲爱的，我不能做意面。该死的饭已经做好了，可以吃了。

If we were both pandas I'd know what to feed you. But seafood is scary, we're leery of meat. Half the food at the market is probably toxic. But fuck it, you still have to eat.

如果我们都是大熊猫，我就知道该给你吃什么。但海鲜很可怕，我们对肉类也很忌讳。市场上一半的食物可能都是有毒的。去特么的，你还是得吃啊。

You're not finished, and no, you can't go to school in pajamas, a hat and bare feet. Whatever put shoes on and bring me your plate. My whole diet’s the shit you won't eat.

你还没吃完，而且，你不能穿着睡衣，戴着帽子，光着脚去学校。穿上你的鞋，把你的盘子给我，我一日三餐都是你特么吃剩下的。

The sloth and the lemur, The chipmunk and cheetah. The slow and the sleek and the fleet share one thing, my love, they make less of a mess. Thank you fucking do when they eat.

树懒和狐猴，花栗鼠和猎豹。这些慢吞吞的，油光滑亮的，行动迅猛的都有一个共同点，亲爱的，他们制造的混乱较少。谢谢你特么在他们吃饭的时候制造混乱。

How was school, hon? Whoa, your lunch box is full. How are you not passed out in the street? How is it you're smart? How the hell are you growing when you basically don't fucking eat?

今天在学校怎么样，亲爱的？喔，你的午餐盒是满的。你怎么没在街上晕过去呢？你怎么会这么聪明呢？你特么都不怎么吃饭，是怎么长大的呢？

You know who loves dinner? The duck-billed platypus. But I know I'm facing defeat. This spoon-feeding shit makes me wonder why the fuck we weaned you from the teat.

你知道谁爱吃晚饭吗？是鸭嘴兽。但是我知道我正面临败局。用勺子为你吃饭的我想知道为什么我特么让你断奶。

I hope you know it's super-special to go to a restau--Hey, back in your seat. You shitting me? This whole menu is crap to you but a roll on the floor--that you'll eat.

我希望你能知道去餐厅吃饭是非常特别的......嘿，回到你的座位上。你在逗我吗？除了你想吃那个掉在地上的丸子，整个菜单对你来说都是垃圾。

Yum, this looks great. Five big bites, my darling. Fine, three, but don't try to cheat. A lot of kids don't get asparagus. Show some fucking respect for them. Eat.

呀，这个看起来很美味。五大口，亲爱的。好，那就三口，但不要试图作弊。很多孩子都没法吃到芦笋。请你特么尊重他们一点。给我吃！

Oh, now you're hungry? Tough shit, kitchen's closed. Have some warm milk. For me a scotch, neat. Pancakes? Yeah, right. It's bedtime, child. It's too goddamn late now to eat.

哦，你现在饿了？太不巧了，厨房已经停火了，喝点热牛奶吧。而我要一杯纯威士忌。煎饼？好的。睡觉时间到了，孩子。现在吃东西太特么晚了。

Okay, one pancake and that's it. You're exhausting and I'm fucking beat. And tomorrow we've got to rise early as roosters to fight more about what to eat.

好的，一个煎饼就够了。你累了，我特么也精疲力尽了。明天我们还得像公鸡一样早起，为吃什么早餐而争吵。

I'm pretty sure that you're malnourished and scurvied. My failures complete. But on the bright side, maybe this is the night. You'll go the fuck to sleep.

我很确信你是营养不良患有坏血症。我圆满的失败了。但从好的方面来看，也许这就是夜晚。你特么快去睡觉啊。

You have been listening to You Have to Fucking Eat, written by Adam Mansbach, read by Stephen Fry and produced by Heavy Entertainment. This recording is copyrighted 2014 by Cannongate Books, text copyright Adam Mansbach 2014. Thank you for listening.

你在收听的是《你特么吃啊》，作者亚当·曼斯巴赫，朗读者史蒂芬·弗莱，由Heavy Entertainment制作发行。此录音的版权归Cannongate Books 2014年所有，文字版权归亚当·曼斯巴赫2014年所有。谢谢您的收听。