痛不欲生的分娩过程Wishing for death during birth

“Kill me!” my wife shouted.

“杀了我吧！”我的妻子喊道。

She meant it.

她没有开玩笑。

I could see it in her face.

她的表情告诉我。

She truly wanted to die.

她真的不想活了。

I’d never seen a human suffer so much.

我从未见过一个人会遭受如此巨大的痛苦。

Her body hurt more than ever.

她的身体痛不欲生。

My soul hurt more than ever.

我的心里则倍受煎熬。

Our son was about to enter this world.

我们的儿子就要来到这个世界上了。

She wanted to exit it.

她却想着要离开。

Anything to stop the pain. Anything.

她想尽快结束这种难以忍受的痛苦，无论用何种手段。

My wife had leapt from her bed and was jumping up and down, thrashing her limbs, howling — her face contorted in a way I’d never seen and haven’t since.

我的妻子从床上蹦下来，上蹿下跳，捶打着四肢，疯狂地吼叫，我从未见过她那痛苦至扭曲的表情。

And I never want to.

而且我也不想看到。

The recent news of a woman who committed suicide in Shaanxi province’s Yulin when childbirth became unbearable brought us back to that moment.

近期一则关于陕西榆林孕妇因无法忍受痛苦而自杀的新闻将我和妻子又带回了当初她分娩的时刻。

It literally hit home.

这一新闻切中时弊。

The 26-year-old had originally insisted on a natural birth but began to beg for a C-section when the torment of labor became insufferable.

26岁的孕妇原本坚持顺产，但由于无法忍受生产过程的痛苦，因而开始请求剖腹产。

There are questions about responsibility. The woman’s family and the hospital offer differing accounts as to who refused her request for the procedure.

孕妇自杀究竟是谁的责任仍有质疑。女方家属和医院对谁拒绝了孕妇的请求各执一词。

(Media reports aren’t clear as to whether local or spinal anesthesia was an option — and if not, why not.)

（媒体对于是局部还是脊髓麻醉的报道模棱两可，如果不是，又是为什么呢。）

But the point is that pain-free childbirth is indeed rare in the country.

但关键是，无痛分娩在中国还确实尚未成熟。

It accounts for 5 percent of births nationwide and about 30 percent in Beijing.

无痛分娩在全国所占比率为5%，在北京比率为30%。

The figure is 85 percent in the United States.

而这一数据在美国为85%。

 Guangzhou Women and Children’s Medical Center’s anesthesia department director, Song Xingrong, tells China Daily four out of five women who come to the hospital are unaware of it.

广州市妇幼保健院麻醉科主任宋兴荣指出，有80%的孕妇来到医院时根本对无痛分娩没有概念。

We learned it often isn’t even an option — about a week before Sagan’s due date.

大约在萨根（Sagan）预产期前一周，我们才知道甚至无法选择无痛分娩。

The love of my life and I stood outside a public hospital, holding each other and sobbing.

我和我的爱人在一家公立医院门口，相拥哭泣。

We’d previously arranged for our son to be born at the same private hospital as our daughter. There are various reasons we’d elected public hospitals.

起初，我们打算在之前女儿出生的那家私立医院生下我们的儿子，但后来我们转向了一家公立医院，原因如下。

One is they informed us there probably wouldn’t be an anesthesiologist available.

一个原因是我们被告知可能会没有麻醉师进行麻醉。

We knew how excruciating birth could be, having already brought our first child into the world.

我们知道分娩是多么痛苦，因为我们已经有了第一个孩子。

The epidural was planned before the pregnancy.

在怀孕前就计划了硬膜外麻醉。

But the private hospital dropped us about two weeks before the birth, citing an unrelated health condition my wife has that would in no way affect pain-free childbirth.

但在预产期前两周，那家私立医院以一张证明我妻子可以进行无痛分娩的健康证明将我们打发了。

We couldn’t hop on a plane to elsewhere by then.

那时，我们根本不可能立刻找到别的医院。

So, public hospitals seemed our only choice.

所以，公立医院成为我们唯一的选择。

We were devastated. Horrified. Desperate.

之后，恐惧和绝望就萦绕在我和妻子周围。

Some people can endure giving birth without an epidural.

有些人可以忍受没有硬膜外麻醉的分娩。

My wife knew the stakes.

但我妻子知道那样做的危险。

Fortunately, we found another private hospital that accepted us, last minute. It was expensive. And worth every penny.

幸运的是，之后我们找到另一家私立医院愿意接收我们。虽然价钱昂贵，但十分值得。

We cried again. This time, again, for joy.

我们哭了，这一次是喜悦的眼泪。

About a week later, we were sobbing once more.

一周后，我们又一次哭了。

This time, because of my wife’s labor pains.

这次，是因为我妻子的痛苦。

At one point, my wife screamed, “If I had a gun ...”

只听我的妻子叫喊道，“如果给我把枪……”

She meant it.

她是认真的。

I could see it in her face.

我可以从她的表情判断出来。

Fortunately, the anesthesiologist arrived. Quickly.

幸运的是，麻醉师很快赶来了。

My wife was able to bear childbirth.

最后我的妻子得以顺利生产。

Sagan was born in Beijing on Aug 16, 2015.

萨根在2015年8月16日出生于北京。

We cried a final time. A final time, for joy.

那是我们最后一次流泪，感动的眼泪。