14.Where does the contradiction between people come from

14.Where does the contradiction between people come from?

Excuse me, why do people have conflicts? And often for trivial things, often happen between the loved ones, why?

I recently saw an explanation from Mr. Chen Haixian. If there is one thing, you are hesitant, he said. At this time, if the people around you tell you what to do, you may instead think "I am not so good.".

For example, you are playing games, hesitating whether to help your wife to bring children. When your wife calls you, you are particularly angry; You were hesitant to marry, mother urged, but let you very exclusive, may still quarrel with the mother.

Why? This is because the degree of pain of the internal conflict is more intense than the external interpersonal conflict. Well, to avoid inner pain, we turn it into a human relationship conflict.

In this way, we can escape our own choices, because it is the fault of others, but we are in a good mood.

So you see, in essence, we are not in contradiction with others, we just stay in their own hesitation, not willing to come out.

人和人的矛盾从哪儿来？

请问，为什么人和人之间会有矛盾？而且经常是为了鸡毛蒜皮的小事，经常还发生在至亲至爱的人之间，这是为啥？

最近我看到陈海贤老师的一个解释。他说，如果有这么一件事，你正在犹豫不决。那这时候，如果你身边的人告诉你应该怎么样，你可能反而就想着“我偏不怎么样”。

比如，你正在打游戏，犹豫要不要帮老婆去带孩子。老婆一叫你，你反而特别光火；你本来犹豫要不要结婚，老妈一催，反而让你很排斥，没准还和老妈吵一架。

为啥？这是因为，人的内心冲突的痛苦程度，要比外在的人际冲突更剧烈。好了，为了回避内心痛苦，我们就把它转换成了人际关系冲突。

这么一来，我们就能逃避自己的选择，因为这都是别人的错嘛，自己反而心安理得。

所以你看，本质上，我们不是和别人有啥矛盾，我们只是待在自己的犹豫里，不肯出来。

重点词汇

Excuse me 请原谅 ; 对不起

there is 有

one thing 一件事 ; 有件事

what to do 做什么 ; 怎么办 ; 怎麽办

For example 例如;比如

quarrel with 和……争吵 ; 不同意；挑剔

internal conflict 内部冲突；内讧