20成长的烦恼第一季

Jason: I still think we should call first before we go all the way on the bus to see your folks.
Maggie: Jason, they'd just tell us not to come.
Mike: Oh, here, let me get all those for you, dad.
Maggie: Carol honey, we are almost ready.
Carol: Were you speaking to me? No one spoke to me when this trip was being planned.
Maggie: Honey, we didn’t know we were going until last night. Carol, we are worried about
grandpa and grandma.
Jason: oh, Maggie, I think you are overreacting.
Maggie: Then why did they call to cancel the trip at the last minute? And why did my dad say
everything was swell?
Jason: Ah…because it is.
Maggie: No, Jason, my father doesn’t use words like 'swell', 'good' or 'nice'..
Jason: Certainly not when I'm in the room.
Ben: Let’s go! Let’s go! Let’s go!
Maggie: Well you sure are excited about this, Ben?
Ben: Are you kidding? Grandpa is going to let me use his night stick, and his handcuffs, and
even wear his badge.
Jason: Hey, maybe you'll get finger printed, too.
Ben: Wow!
Mike: Well, Dad, again I just want to thank you for letting me stay home and earn some extra
money helping Mr. Sacks fertilize his lawn. I am sure that earning money will teach me a new
respect for the dollar, and help me grow as a person.
Jason: But you'll be pretty good at spreading manure too.
Mike: I’m so sorry that I'm gonna miss that sing along around grandma’s piano.
Jason: Well, just remember if you have any problems you can call the Crusons next door. And
only one guest stays over tonight.
Carol: This is not fair. No one thought that old Carol might have other plans. No one in this
entire house treated me as a real living breathing human person.
Maggie: Carol, get in the car. Bye, sweetheart. Oh and Mike, I know everything will be fine,
because if it is...you’ll be grounded until you are 35.
Mike: Enough said. Bye mom, bye dad.
Jason: See you tomorrow Mike.
Mike: Alright, bye-bye ....Yeah!
Maggie: Ben, wait for us.
Ben: I got to go to the bathroom.
Maggie: We want to surprise grandpa and grandma together.
Ben: If grandpa starts frisking to me before I go, I will surprise him all right.
Maggie: Hi.
A couple: Hi.
Maggie: I’m Ed and Kate’s daughter, Maggie.
Man: Oh good. Excuse us..
Maggie: Ah.. should you just walk in like that?
Man: Well, we should knock, stand out here in the cold, waiting for some jerk to open the
door?
Jason: Who are they?
Carol: Mom, are these people the relatives you don’t send Christmas cards to? I'm gonna try
to find grandma and grandpa.
Salesman: ha, hiya folks come in. Oh I see you brought your luggage. Well don't worry, we'll
try and close this deal by nightfall. The kiddies too. This is so nice. Cocktail Frank?
Ben: My name is not Frank.
Maggie: Who are you?
Man: Who am I?
Maggie: I don’t know you, I don’t know him.
Salesman: Harry Dimbo, Great American-dream realty company
Maggie: This house is for sale?
Salesman: Yes.
Maggie: But.. where are the owners?
Salesman: Oh, the sellers are never present for the showing. Especially sellers who have put
thirty years into a place. This would break their heart.
Maggie: I’m sure.
Jason: Well, honey they haven't sold it yet.
Salesman: You folks are interested in this house?
Maggie: Deeply.
Salesman: Oh, Let me point out some fine features of this timeless classic.
Maggie: If you do. I’m going to cry.
Salesman: Pardon?
Jason: en. Why are they selling?
Salesman: you are not interested in hearing about the house?
Maggie: I love this house, I do my homework right by this fireplace waiting for my daddy to
come home and hang up his gun and give a hug.
Jason: Why are they selling?
Salesman: Oh, well, I can’t really violate their confidence, but I will say, retirement income, a
loan payment, disaster…
Maggie: Oh.
Jason: Its alright, I’m her psychiatrist.
Salesman: Oh, well, can I do anything?
Jason: Yes, you can just give us a moment alone please, thank you.
Jason: Come on, Maggie, sweetheart. Come on, we'll look into this.
Maggie: Selling this house has to be breaking their hearts.
Jason: I know. Why didn’t they come to us for help?
Maggie: Oh, my father’s pride. There’s no way he could ask us for money knowing the way he
feels about what you do for a living.
Jason: What?
Maggie: Forget, I said that.
Jason: I knew he didn’t care for me, I didn’t think he even hated my entire profession.
Maggie: Oh, honey, it’s not that he hates your profession, it’s just that he doesn’t know what it
is.
Jason: Oh, so now after 17 years I find this out...
Maggie: Now what good would it have done to let you know he thinks you are a quack?
Jason: A quack?
Maggie: Jason, can we talk about this later? Now I don’t want this house sold until we get a
chance to talk to mom and dad.
Jason: Sure, sure.
Salesman: Genuine lacken plaster, on real two by four studs.
Jason: Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt you, Harry. What you were saying over there
confused me. Were the victim’s bodies found in this room or all through the house?
The door bell rang.
Boner: This is life as it should be.
Betti: Mike, Mike!
Mike: (shouted)… Man that was good. Guys how you doing? You're early and I haven’t got
pizza yet.
Betti: Let me do it. My cousin Gus works for Paradise pizza. I can get us a discount.
Mike: All right.
Boner: So, Mike, what’s the action?
Mike: Not much, not much. Eat a little pizza and watch a little TV.
Boner: TV? Mike, your folks aren't home, This is a chance of life time and you wanna watch
TV?
Mike: It’s already started.
Boner: Mike, what could be so important….. Wah… so, when did you get cable?
Betti: This is great. Gus is going to let us have the pizzas for nothing.
Mike: All right!
Betti: If he and a couple of friends can stop by after work?
Mike: You know how many? Because I don't think we should have more….
Betti: Imagine women..
Mike: All right.
Carol: Is the rest of the trip going to be this much fun?
Maggie: Carol, why don't you and Ben go watching TV in grandpa’s den?
Ben: Great!
Carol: Sure, It’s great for you, you get to spend time with me.
Jason: Ben, don’t you go touching any of your grandpa’s police staff.
Ben: You know me.
Maggie: Jason, we got to help them.
Jason: I’m not so sure your dad wants our help. Then again what do I know? I'm just a
licensed quack.
Maggie: Oh, Jason.
Grandpa: Freeze slime bag!
Maggie: Daddy!
Grandma: Ed, you almost shot Jason!
Grandpa: Well, they are not supposed to be here! Eh.., no one's supposed to be here.
Maggie: Oh, mom, how are you? It’s so good to see you!
Mom: I’m fine, Oh…Did you say you were coming and I forgot?
Maggie: No, mom.
Jason: Ed, it’s always a pleasure to see you.
Maggie: Daddy, daddy, daddy! So what’s this about selling the house?
Grandpa: oh, well, we thought we'd do this retirement thing right. Move into a smaller place
with less up keep.
Grandma: A condo.
Carol: Grandma, grandpa!
Grandma: Carol, honey!
Grandpa: Look how she’s grown ! Hehe…
Grandma: Where’s Mikey?
Maggie: Oh, Mike couldn’t come, and…
Ben: Grandpa!
Grandpa: Is that Benni?
Maggie: Yeah!
Grandpa: All right! Come out with your hands up!
Ben: I can’t. Carol handcuffed me to the chair!
Grandpa: ha! Watch the door, I’m gonna rough him up.
Ben: Hehe…, oh, stop it I'll get you
Maggie: Oh, we’re going to stop and fix a little dinner, come on, Ben. Let your dad and
granddad talk.
Grandpa: Oh, I don’t think…
Jason: Oh, I don't think....
Maggie: Come on, Ben, you can peel potatoes with the other persons.
Ben: Wow
Maggie: Daddy, if you and mom are having financial problems we would be…
Grandpa: No, they're swell. It’s well, fine, even good.
Maggie: Dad, any money you need, Jason and I would be more than happy…
Grandpa: Maggie, just in case you can’t remember little girl, I kept a roof over your head and
food on the table for over 18 years, till he came along anyway.
Maggie: Daddy!
Grandpa: Damn it I can still take care of your mom and myself without your charity.
Jason: Dad, dad, please! It’s no reason for you to turn down this offer just because how you
feel about me.
Maggie: Jason, let’s not mention…
Jason: No, no. Your dad should overcome his feelings about me and save this house. Why hurt
your wife, your daughter and yourself all in the name of some foolish pride.
Grandpa: Foolish! Don’t use your shrink talk on me! The day I accept one dime of your money
will be the day they bury me.
Jason: I think that went well, don’t you?
Boy: Yeah, Jerry, listen. Call Bruce Vineger, tell him the party's at central 15, Robinhood lane.
Mike: Ah, excuse me. Slug is it? I don’t think we should invite any more people.
Boy: What’s up to you? Didn’t you hear? The bozo who lives heres, parents are out of town.
Mike: Bozo?
Girl: Hi, Mike. Remember me? Linda mcmannis …., We were in Karate class together.
Mike: Yeah, yeah, of course I remember you. You have got killer hands. Ah, I mean, I mean…
Girl: I know what you mean.
Betti: Mike, come here.
Mike: could you excuse me just a second?
Girl: OK. just for a second.
Betti: Michel, there are two guys out back throwing up and one upstairs is shaving.This has
got to be the coolest party I have ever been to.
Mike: Shaving?
Betti: Mike, I need a couple of bucks, your mom's car ran out of gas.
Mike: hey, you can’t take my mom’s car.
Betti: I didn’t, Frank did.
Mike: Who’s Frank?
Betti: I thought you knew him.
Mike: No.
Betti: All right. Gus's pizza- mobile wouldn't start, so he calls Frank and say's we're gonna
have to pick up our own pizzas and since they are free could we make a couple of deliveries.
Mike: In my mom’s car?
Betti: What was Frank supposed to do?
Mike: What was Frank supposed to do?
Betti: Everything is under control. Now just give me a little gas money.
Maggie: Mom, make dad take the money. It’s your home too.
Grandma: Well, your father’s the boss, and on our wedding day I promised to love, honour
and obey.
Maggie: Oh, mom, mom. Every modern woman knows obey is just a figure of speech.
Grandma: Maybe that’s why every modern womon seems to get divorced.
Jason: Kate either the kids are glued to the piano or they're waiting for one of your songs.
Grandma: Oh, good. I just got the sheet music to “like a virgin”
Jason: Actually they are not glued, they are handcuffed.
Maggie: Oh, Jason, I got no where with my mother, It’s up to us, what are we gonna do?
Jason: What are we gonna do? I don’t have the slightest idea.
Maggie: We can't let them lose their home. Jason, all they need is six thousand dollars.
Jason: Correct me if I'm wrong but didn't we just offer your father money?
Maggie: and you're giving up just because he said he’s rather be dead?
Jason: Forgive me, what was I thinking?
Maggie: OK, so what’s your plan?
Jason: I don’t have a plan.
Maggie: Do you think it’s wise to proceed without a plan?
Grandma: (singing) Like a virgin, hey! Touched for the very first time.
Mike: Hey!
Girl A: We’ve just heard this record.
Girl B: That’s OK, the band should be here any minute.
Mike: Band?
Mike: Boner, this party is completely out of control.
Boner: I know man, congratulations!
Mike: I gotta do something to stop it without all these people thinking I'm a wimp
Boner: Relax, Mike. It’s time to make party history.
Mike: Excuse me. Mind if I cut in?
Mike: At least I was cool for 15 years. Hello, police? Yeah, this is Mr. Ghandi. Yes, Bob Ghandi.
Yes, I’m a very peace loving man, and I’m living on Robinhood lane. It is a normally a very
peaceful street, but tonight there is a very very big loud party in No.15. Yes, I believe it’s the
Seavor home. This is very hard to believe since they are such a loving, peaceful family, yes.
And please be going easy on the Seavor boy called Mike, he’s a very very spiritual boy and
none of this could possibly be his fault.
Maggie: Still busy, I wonder who Mike could be talking to?
Carol: Mom, come and take your turn.
Ben: Yeah.
Grandma: Am I doing this right?
Jason: Is he in his den?
Maggie: Yeah.
Jason: OK, Maggie. You are the one who wanted me to come up with a plan.
Maggie: What are you going to do?
Jason: I have no idea.
Jason: Ed?
Grandpa: Come to make another generous offer, did you?
Jason: Ready for another gracious turn down?
Jason: Now I didn’t come to offer you anything Ed, except an apology. Here.
Grandpa: Irish Whisky?
Jason: Well, you know, I thought that maybe deep down I really did want to embarrass you a
little by offering you that money I admit that, I’m sorry.
Grandpa: Sit down. Grab a couple of glasses.
Jason: OK. Game a checkers?
Grandpa: Sure.
Jason: How we gonna get any ginger ale in those glasses?
Grandpa: Ginger ale? That’s Irish man.
Jason: You can't drink that straight.
Grandpa: Blasphemy!
Jason: Oh, big talk.
Grandpa: Oh, just watch.
Jason: A one sip big deal. Bet you can't drain that?
Grandpa: Keep watching.
Jason: One hundred dollars.
Grandpa: You're on.
Grandpa: One hundred dollars!
Jason: Well, can't be that tough? Double or nothing says that I can do it.
Grandpa: You? Hehe. You are on.
Grandpa: Hah, I won again.
Jason: You have to give me a chance to get even.
Maggie: Ben and Carol.
Ben and Carol together: Go to bed!
Mike: Oh, where are the cops? Where are the cops?
Someone: We need more room to dance.
Someone: Let’s put all the furniture into the kitchen.
Betti: Ah, Mike, tell your mother, she should have her breaks checked. Oh, Frank is asleep in
the backseat. And for the record, he puked, not me.
Mike: All right, that’s it. Cops or no Cops this party is over. Just like my life.
Mike: hi, I’m Mike. I’m the bozo giving this party. I’ve got something to say.
Boner: Mike, you know this is not cool.
Mike: I don’t care. I want all you people, especially you slug, just...
Police: open up! Police!
Mike: Oh, nice, nice, now who called the police. Come on, this party was just starting to cool.
Jason: Oh, no, that’s it. I’m gone. You beat me for the last time, Ed.
Grandpa: Haha, by my records, you lost seven times. Yes, that's double or nothing, starting
at a hundred.
Jason: Right.
Grandpa: So you owe me one goes to two, that’s four, sixteen thirty two, sixty four hundred
dollars. Sixty four hundred dollars!
Jason: What?
Grandpa: That’s what it comes to. I don’t get it, either.
Jason: Oh, sure, you don’t. No, no, nice job, you got me.
Grandpa: How did I do that? I only had three shots and you never got all the way through one
of yours.
Jason: So Big Ed finally shows the overpaid psychiatrist who's smarter. I don’t like to be taken,
Ed.
Grandpa: I didn’t take you. I won that fair and square.
Jason: Well, I am not paying.
Grandpa: The hell you are not? I want my money.
Maggie: Well?
Grandpa: Jason, you are not leaving this house until I get my six thousand four hundred
dollars.
Grandma: Eddy, we get to keep our house, and you get to keep your pride.
Grandpa: Hey, I told you I take care of you, didn’t I ?
Maggie: Thank you, honey.
Jason: hi, I just lost six grand and I may lose my lunch.
Maggie: I knew you'd take care of me.
Mike: Thanks for your help officer, I can handle it from here.
Police: You are very very welcome, Mr. Gandhi Hahaha….
Mike: Ah…
Mike: Welcome home mom and dad.
Ben: Out of my way! Nature calls.
Jason: Mike, how was your weekend?
Mike: Oh, kind of boring. How was your weekend with grandma and grandpa?
Jason: Oh, fine, fine.
Maggie: Actually your father was a hero this weekend, he saved the house.
Mike: Oh, really? What a coincidence!
Jason: What?
Mike: Ah, It’s nice to know you guys were up there, and I was down here, hey, it’s a wonderful
world.
Carol: I thought your manure spreading job was over yesterday.
Mike: What dog?