How to agree on the best restaurant? Make your own

00:00

04:53

My wife and I like to sample restaurants we haven't tried before. In Beijing, that usually means Chinese food, which only makes sense because she's Chinese.
我和妻子喜欢探索没去过的餐厅，不过因为她是中国人，所以在北京时，我们去的都是中餐馆。
Most of the time, I stifle my yearning for a good ol' American hamburger or a Mexican enchilada or Italian food — or for authentic Brazilian barbecue at a buffet not far from home. (This is less like dinner than a competition of ravenous carnivores in the wilds of Africa. You need bowels of steel to digest all that red meat over the next three or four days.)
多数情况下，我都得抑制住自己想吃美国汉堡、墨西哥菜、意大利菜或者巴西烤肉自助的渴望。
Anyway, I usually leave the restaurant decision to my wife, but not before going through the obligatory ritual of proposing places I know she'll reject. Here's how it typically goes as we head out the door:
我经常让妻子决定吃什么，不过每次都得进行一项“提议与拒绝”的仪式。以下就是我们出门前的对话：
Me: "Where do you want to go?"
我：“我们去哪儿吃？”

Wife: "You say."
她：“你决定。”
Me: "OK, Burger King."
我：“汉堡王。”
Wife: "No."
她：“不去。”
Me: "OK, then The New Yorker in the WeLife building."
我：“远洋国际里的纽约客呢？”
Wife: "No."
她：“不去。”
Me: "It's my decision, right? I say Mexican food."
我：“我说了算吧，墨西哥菜。”
Wife: "No."
她：“不去。”
Me: "Green Tea restaurant?" (I know she likes it.)
我：“绿茶餐厅？（我知道她喜欢这家）”
Wife: "No, we went there yesterday."
她：“不去。我们昨天去过了。”
Me: "Hot pot?"
我：“火锅？”
Wife: "I'm bored with that."
她：“我都吃腻了。”
Me: "Steamed buns?"
我：“包子？”
Wife: "No. Not for lunch. That's breakfast."
她：“早餐才吃包子呢，午饭不吃包子。”
Me: "Dumplings?"
我：“饺子？”
Wife: "No."
她：“不去。
Me: "Noodles?"
我：“面条？”

Wife: "No."
她：“不去。
Me: "You don't like any of my suggestions, so tell me where you want to go."
我：“我说去哪儿你都不去。那你说你想吃什么？”
Wife: "You say."
她：“你决定。”
By now we're approaching the bus stop near home, and I'm feeling really hungry.
这时候我们已经走到公交车站了，我好饿。
Me: "Shall we ride the bus?"
我：“咱们坐公交吗？”
Wife: "OK."
她：“好。”
Me: "But where shall we go on the bus?"
我：“坐公交去哪儿呢？”
Wife: "You say."
她：“你决定。”
We wait a long time, and our bus doesn't show up. All the while, deep down inside I know that I will eventually break down, hail a taxi and take her to a Chinese restaurant whose menu tends toward the pricier side. She loves culinary experimentation and beautiful dishes. It's a form of shopping, I think. And I want her to be happy.
我们等了好久公交车也没来。我内心深处知道我最终会崩溃，打车带她去价格昂贵的中餐馆。她喜欢创新菜和漂亮的菜品。我认为这也是一种购物，而我希望她开心。
Me? I just want to eat.
至于我自己？吃饱就行了。
And so I tend to stick with the same tried and true dishes I always order. I have a simple calculus: Why gamble when you're hungry? I don't want to possess either one of two characteristics when I leave a restaurant, but especially not both together — broke and still hungry.
我每次都一样的菜品，因为不想在饥饿的时候冒险。我不想在离开餐厅时又花了钱还没吃饱。
One day, in an attempt to achieve a modicum of epicurean harmony, we decided to start our own restaurant. It was my wife's idea. There would be only one table. We agreed on the menu and decided to call the new establishment "Happy Daze". It would offer free food. (This may not be a great business model, but trust me, customers do flock to the table.)
有一天，为了达到和谐的目的，我妻子决定开自己的餐厅。餐厅只有一张桌子，我们决定菜单，把餐厅命名为“快乐眩晕”，提供免费食物。（这也许不是好的经商模式，但顾客盈门）。
Every day my wife prepares a lovely formal setting on top of the air conditioning unit just outside our balcony, and greedy birds soon arrive, looking for a cheap meal. She has to stretch almost full-length to slide a plate of mung beans, rice, chipped corn and other grains to the flat surface. It's a delight to watch her respond to the customers.
我妻子每天都在阳台外的空调罩上放一个板子，小鸟们会迅速飞来。它们能吃到绿豆、大米、玉米粒等等。看她招待客人很开心。
My first job as junior partner in the enterprise was to make a sign on a card and stick it near the food. After all, you can't expect to get customers without a marketing plan. With my wife's help, I made the sign bilingual. We offer only the best ingredients and have sometimes bought delicacies at the supermarket to make the birds extra happy.
我作为企业初级合伙人的职责就是做告示牌放在食物旁边。毕竟吸引顾客需要市场营销计划。在我妻子的帮助下，我把告示牌做成了双语模式。我们不仅提供最好的食材，有时还在超市买东西给小鸟客人们。
As it turns out, however, we could have saved the money. In the cupboard was a container of old mixed grains in which, unfortunately, some little black bugs had made their home. Would our feathered friends be offended if we offered this to them? I added a bilingual sign proclaiming a lunch special, and we quickly got our answer.
不过我们还是省钱了。在一个装食物的旧容器里有小黑虫，我们的小鸟朋友会不会生气呢？我又写了一块双语告示牌宣布提供特价午餐，客人们很快给出答案。
When the bug-infested grain was placed outside, eight or 10 sparrows skit-tered in for a look. They pecked wildly at it. Then two or three large pigeons swooped in like Boeing 737 Maxes making crash landings. The big guys tried to muscle out the little guys, and a sort of flapping, fluttering, chattering bird fight ensued as they all took their shots at the gourmet cuisine. Things got so crazy that they knocked down the bilingual signs. I gasped because our restaurant is not insured.
我们把有小虫子的食物放到外面后，8-10只麻雀就过来疯狂进餐。两三只鸽子也急切地飞来，跟麻雀抢吃的。它们的争抢过于激烈，打翻了告示牌。我心下一惊，餐厅可没有上保险啊。
In the end, we figured it was the black bugs that caused the commotion. Grain was spilled all over the place, but there were no bugs left. The place was picked clean. We should add this dish to the permanent menu, although I probably won't sample it.
最后我们总结是小虫子导致了这场争斗。谷物散落得到处都是，虫子可一只都不剩了。我们应该把这道菜作为永久保留项目。
But as for restaurants in Beijing, I've never seen my wife happier.