小小汉堡是不值一提，还是美味佳肴？Petty patties pretty paltry

Shortly before Mike Delfino ofDesperate Housewives fame met his maker at the business end of a loanshark’s sidearm halfway through season 8, he had a heartfelt homeboy meal with his wife Susan and son MJ at a greasy spoon. I must have been fasting at the time because I was fixated by the bare-bones beauty of the burger – the Kaiser roll bun wrapped around a bit of Bessie, with crunchy iceberg lettuce, sliced tomatoes, onions, pickles and fresh ground pepper (though this latter is an assumption on my part and not visible on the long-running series at the time).

因电视剧《绝望主妇》（Desperate Housewives）成名的迈克·德尔菲诺（Mike Delfino）饰演的角色，在第八季进行到一半时，在一家高利贷公司遇到了他的制片商。在此之前不久，他和他的妻子苏珊（Susan）、儿子MJ在一家小餐馆里吃了一顿畅快淋漓的家庭聚餐。我当时一定是在斋戒，因为我恋恋不忘的只有剧中那小巧精致的汉堡------凯撒面包卷包裹着一点秋葵、松脆的卷心莴笋、切片的西红柿、洋葱、泡菜和新鲜的胡椒粉（这都是我后来的想象，因为这些在剧中是看不到的）。

The soon-to-be room temperature plumber/handyman/stud finder then reinforced his status as one of my fave guy characters with a Shakespearean-esque ode to the humble hamburger, going something like: “MJ, all a guy needs in life is a good wife, a good son, and a great burger.”

这位即将成为室内温水管工/勤杂工/修理工的男人，就像莎士比亚颂歌式的低声下气的汉堡，突出了他的形象，成为我最喜欢的人物角色之一。就像台词说的：“MJ，男人在生活中需要一个好妻子、一个好儿子，和一个美味的汉堡”。

Ah, I miss heartfelt poetry about heart-healthy cuisine.

我不禁想起那些描述有益于身心健康的烹饪的诗句，感人肺腑。

Having been in Beijing for some time now, I can say that one of the capital’s greatest strengths is its wealth of cultural heritage sites. Beijing is flush with such venues, and China itself boasts the second most UNESCO sites at 53, behind Italy’s 54.

在北京待了有一段时间，现在我可以说，中国首都最大的优势之一就是它丰富的文化遗产。北京有许多这样的地方，中国有53处列入联合国教科文组织世界遗产，仅次于意大利的54处。

The Western Roman Empire lasted in one form or another until 476 AD when Odacer made his presence known on the peninsula, and managed to last for nearly a millennium more as the Byzantine Empire.

西罗马帝国前前后后持续到了公元476年，直到奥多亚克统治意大利半岛，而拜占庭帝国则延续了将近一千年。

But all that regime change, cultural blending and Mediterranean dieting still couldn’t result in the birth of the burger.

但所有政权的更迭、文化的融合、地中海的饮食，都未能促成汉堡的诞生。

For that, it took “newer” civilizations to the north and west. In fact, the origin of the hamburger is a matter of dispute, with both Germany and the United States claiming culinary first dibs.

就这样，汉堡“更新”了北部和西部的文明。但汉堡的起源仍存在争议，德国和美国都声称自己是第一个烹制汉堡的国家。

Perhaps it’s just me, I have just two bones of contention with my adopted cities fast-food fare: no Wendy’s and no late-night Burger Kings.

也许只有我在选择快餐时存在两个纠结：温迪汉堡，还是通宵营业的汉堡王。

I realize these are rather petty patty problems, fairly poo-pooed as “first world concerns.”

这只是相当小的问题，作为“世界第一焦点”，微不足道。

But I do think burgers make the perfect guilty-pleasure repast, the ideal late-night nosh-up that can arrive at your door hot and handy.

但我还是认为汉堡是一种内疚感和快乐感兼具的食物。想想温热的、方便的美食深夜送上门的情况吧

What other fulfilling refection can one actually enjoy with one hand, no cutlery and no dishwashing?

还有别的不用餐具、不用洗碗，单手就能享用的美食吗？

McDonald's signature offering, its Big Mac, boasts a mere 540 calories.

麦当劳招牌食品巨无霸，仅仅540卡路里的热量。

I say “mere” for two reasons: self-consolation and wait till you see the competition.

我说“仅仅”是有两个原因：自我安慰、可以等到你看比赛的时候。

Wendy’s double stack cheeseburger will weigh you down 569 calories, while Burger King’s Whopper with cheese stacks up at 760 calories.

温迪的双层芝士汉堡有569卡里路的热量，而汉堡王奶酪皇堡相当于760卡路里热量。

Where is all leading, dear readers might ask?

亲爱的读者可能会问，汉堡将带我们走向何方？

Straight to the waistline. What a waste!

直接增加腰围。多浪费！

But these chef’s selections are not to be a daily tasting menu option.

但汉堡不会是厨师们每日品尝菜单里的选项。

Here’s the kicker, i.e. the caveat that will make you kick the bucket earlier than your demographic, genealogy or genome dictate.

假如无视这个警告，你会比人口统计学、系谱学或基因组预测的时间更早离开这个世界。

It takes 42 minutes of a heavy cardio workout to burn off the calories of our featherweight on the list: the Big Mac.

需要做42分钟高强度有氧运动，才能消耗掉巨无霸带给我们的多余的卡路里。

One can only imagine what Herculean, He-Man Olympic-sized sweat-sessions are necessary to delete the damage from our silver and gold medalists.

可以想象，为了消除名单上银牌、金牌得主的卡路里，需要付出多么艰苦卓绝甚至奥林匹克级的努力。

So enjoy your occasional burgers. But remember, everything in moderation.

偶尔享受汉堡吧。记住，适可而止。